Dirty Talk

[finewhine]

OK, so here's the situation - I had sex for the first time with a guy I've been dating for a couple weeks. At times, I felt like he was reading bad porn dialog: "Oooh, you make me feel so good!" and other things that I cannot print in this forum. At one point, I almost cracked up during a moment that was particularly heated for him. Ultimately, everything was fine and fun and all that, but I am a little confused and more than a little bit amused.

 

Why would someone bust out the dirty talk the first time with a new partner? Is this a "wiring" thing or a "performance" thing? I was in a relationship with someone very into talking dirty, and although this was a few years ago, I seem to remember that he waited a decent amount of time before he started running commentary on what we were doing.

 

OK, so what's up with this? I am not opposed to the whole talking thing, I think talking during sex is fine and all, but I have no idea what's expected of me. I do not want to say things like, "Oh, I am f***ing you!" or "You are f****ing me!" I find it kind of unimaginative and a little silly. Just 'cause they're saying these things, am I expected to?

 

What's running through a guy's mind when he starts in on this? I can't help but feel like it's scripted and masturbatory. Don't get me wrong - I'm not offended or turned off, just wondering.

[TheRedQueen]

I love men who can verbalize certain things when we are engaged in doing the hanky panky, but of course, ugh! this is so my life, that the man I've had the most sex with in my six years of sexual experience, happens to be as silent as a mute during sex. Go figure!

[finewhine]

Did you talk back?

 

I had a boyfriend who was dead silent, and I had to check for a pulse. Very irritating!

[BellaDonna]

I think it's very funny that he unleashed it during the FIRST time you had sex together....but maybe that's just his turn-on....

 

If it ever becomes a turn-OFF for you.....kiss him so he can't speak.

 

 

BellaDonna

[TheRedQueen]

Yes I did, usually softly in his ear, asking him questions such as, does this feel good and so on ........

 

Sexually speaking he is not really, um, imaginative. So he would reply with one word answers, but of course there were other signs, i.e. facial cues and physiological responses that effectively communicated his excitement and pleasure.

[BornToResist]

Yeah I agree that it's a little different to be whipping out the talk during your first time together.

 

I enjoy talking dirty as much as the next person, but I think my reaction would be the same as yours if it was the first time together.

[Bethany]

Sounds to me like he's been watching too many porn films and thinks that's what people DO during sex.

 

Or he might have had an ex who liked it *shrugs*, who knows?

 

I myself like the odd dirty word but not a running commentary so I understand where your coming from. Give it a couple more times and if it still annoys you, then bring it up but be tactile, he could be doing it because he is trying to turn you on. And if it doesn't you really need to tell him.

 

Also, I don't think you are expected to join in, it's his perogative, not yours.

[cinderelly65]

wow. i'm kinda going thru the same thing as you. i don't know if it's because he's more sexual then i am or not. but i just got out a long term relationship. now i am with this new guy and the sex is really different with him. do you think it's just because your with someone new? and it feels different.

[pacopaco]

i'm not much of a "dirty talker," but i do like to talk a little while doing it. I think i'm more into getting and giving cues a la grunts and moans,and I like hearing the same. dirty talk seems a little like too much work if the girl isn't much of a dirty talker while she's in her clothes (i.e. using a lot of curse words in conversation.) honestly, i think i'd just rather communicate to each other what we both like and then do that. even a silent girl that knows how to move is better for me, i can move too. I once played some music and suggest we go to the rhythm. that was cool. complicated drum beats are fun beats!

[finewhine]

Cinderelly - that's a really good guess! In my case, thank GOD it feels different. As much as I loved my ex, he was the worst sexual partner I've had, hands-down, except for maybe my college boyfriend who used to cum in about one minute flat.

 

Bethany - exactly. I sort of suspect he is trying to emulate porn. On the other hand, I know this guy is hella experienced, probably moreso than me, so this must have worked on some girl, somewhere before. It's super funny though, because he's a really articulate and kinda nerdy, and then he busts out with the R & B lyric-talk, like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. R. Kelly.

[finewhine]

Pacopaco - I am an uncoordinated white girl, so complicated drum beats sound exhausting, moreso than talking. I can deal with, like, 70's dancehall, but that's about my limit.

 

Aha! You've shed some light on something! I swear like a sailor, so maybe that gives a certain impression.

[pacopaco]

Pacopaco - I am an uncoordinated white girl, so complicated drum beats sound exhausting, moreso than talking. I can deal with, like, 70's dancehall, but that's about my limit.

 

Aha! You've shed some light on something! I swear like a sailor, so maybe that gives a certain impression.

 

 

if you swear like a sailor, I would take it as some kind of indication. yeah, i guess if you're uncoordinated, then it makes it a little tough. i'm a musician, so for me it's second nature, but it's fun teaching someone to move too. if it's exhausting, then it should be, i think. if anyone gets right up after a session, i'd think i didn't do my job,

[BornToResist]

if it's exhausting, then it should be, i think. if anyone gets right up after a session, i'd think i didn't do my job,

 

I completely agree!! I like looking over and seeing my partner struggling for breath or sweating like a pig. The only way I can just get right up and continue on with what I was doing is if I didn't really enjoy it or "get mine," you know?

 

My last bf was so cute because he'd have to go find his inhaler afterwards...I felt like such a sex godess lol.

[Dateagain]

My bf of six years (currently ex) was Sooooooooooo silent. I never even knew when he was "done," and had to ask. It really bothered me. I put up with it because we've had a good life together. We broke up several times, and those times when I was with other partners I was like: Yes! Some talk! Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. R. Kelly sounds like he's at least enjoying things and letting you know, which is a plus

[Honey Pumpkin]

You know my pet peeve? Great thread, btw. It's when it becomes too porny, too 'you love that, don't you etc'. I can get so self conscious, and then answer as normal 'day time me'. "Er...yes, it's very nice."

 

I'm just not cut out for dirty talk, lol. Especially when it's too corny/hardcore.

Maybe just noises instead!

[BellaDonna]

You know my pet peeve? Great thread, btw. It's when it becomes too porny, too 'you love that, don't you etc'.

 

I'm pretty "ok" with most things- but my ultimate pet peeve and area of disgust is the "p word".

 

I'd stop dead in my tracks and no longer sexually function and just end the whole thing if I ever heard that.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Dateagain]

You know what's funny? This turns out to be a huge minefield, with one thing turnig one person on and another turning them off. No wonder my BF was silent!

[pretty girl digs graves]

can't do it...never will