I've been cheated on...

[Jodiegirl]

"L" and I have been seeing each other since 2005. He moved in in 2006 and in May of this year, proposed. He started college in June of 2006 and within a month, was cheating. The thing is, I THOUGHT he was , but found the proof just last week. it seemed very odd to me that L started all the sudden going from taking baths in the mornings to taking baths right before going to college, wearing collogne and also chewing gum. It also seemed strange to me that he would text me all day long while he was at work/I was at work, but yet when he got to school, he no longer texted me after a month into college. His times coming home started to change as well.

 

I asked him about the sudden change in behavior and HIGHLY suspected cheating but he denied it, saying of course he would never do that, blah blah blah. In fact, since June, I had asked him several times if nothing was up, why does he chew gum when ONLY going to school and not in front of me? Why does he bath when going to school, but stays disgusting for ME? All I got was "What, ain't I allowed to chew gum?"

 

To add to that, my mom and him were having a conversation one night bout college. I had found out L had said to one of his friends that college is for getting lai*. That comment made me a bit upset and my mother asked "You wouldn't do that , would you, L". L responded that he wouldn't do that and that there were no women in his classes to begin with.

 

In august, two months after he said that to my mother, I found out there were women in his class. He asked me to log onto his online course and I found a roster. One of the women in his class was named katy.

 

Welp, last week I got the cell phone bill. The cell phones are in my name, he's on my plan and I realized ALOT of text messages were going on with him and a number I did not recognize. So, my sister called the number and asked for "Jackie". The woman replied "This is Katy, not Jackie". My sister apologized and said she had the wrong number. I then freaked out... I KNEW it was katy from class.

 

I looked at some of the dates ( my birthday), and one date in particular came off very strange- August 17th. That day, L was suppossed to go to an amusement park of which he NEVER invited me to. he said his teacher was taking his son to the amusement park so there would be no class that day, but in order for the students to get "credit" for attendance, they had to go to the amusement park or go to class ( and sit there without an instructor I assume). I can only guess he was going to the amusement park with HER and thats why she text messaged him that day, because as it turns out he did NOT go to the amusement park that day for reasons he could not control and when I said "well, arent you going to go to class, he said "No, its not mandatory, no one is going to be there anyway".

 

Welp, I confronted L immediately and asked him why he was texting Katy. I was LIVID. he replied "I don't know a katy, thats ben's number, I have been helping him with homework". Yeah ok, since June- and through text messages. It took L two DAYS to admit to me that yes, that was Katy's number.

 

First he said he was helping ben. Then he said he didn't know a Katy. Then he said he didn't know it was her celll phone number? ( cough,laugh), then he said she is NOT in his class, then said he was helping HER with homework ( when he said she's not inher class) and THEN he said that he was giving her a ride too and from class. ( uh and that would be in my car).

 

I KNOW more went on than that. katy wouldn't answer mytext messages. If she was just getting a ride, I'm sure she would of just said so.

 

L now says he knows why he cheated- because he has problems and he wants help. I want him out of my life but at the same time I don't. I am DEVASTATED, literally. And he is STILL not telling me the full truth.

 

I deserve much much better than this. He says he wants to keep me, he actually tried to say its half my fault. ( Yeah RIGHT!)

 

On top of that, anytime I said I was going to leave him he treatens suicide. I just can't handle this anymore. Im not a fricken teenager, I HAVE ONE, my OLDEST son!

 

I have broken it off with L but he is still livign in my home. I am just numb, depressed, angry, sad, you name it, I am IT.

 

ANyone got any advice?

[melrich]

Only to get him out of your house. He sounds like a child and I think any continued contact with him is only going to hold you back.

[BetterKarma]

Welcome to enotalone Jodiegirl!

 

First of all, I'm really sorry to hear your story and yes, you do deserve much much better than that.

 

As for cheaters, I don't think you will ever get him to tell you the whole truth. It's just not possible. They get caught up in so many lies that they lose track of what was really real or not.

 

First thing you need to do is to get yourself checked for STDs and then sign up to see a therapist. When you can't "handle it anymore" it's time to get a professional to listen to you and tell you that you're not going insane.

 

Just out of curiosity can you tell me your age and your fiance's age? I'm just not very clear because you say your fiance is starting college but you have a teenage son? Is there an age gap between you two?

[Jayar]

Yes, some advice: You do NOT want him in your life, and yes you DO want him out of your life. Period. You may care about him, but he has shown he doesn't give a squirrel's butt about you or your feelings. If he has problems he needs help with you should make him do it on his own.

 

And threatening suicide if you leave? Yeah... I'd tell him if I stuck around I'd kill him anyway. I'm pretty certain he'd be just fine if you left. You, however, will go crazy if you stay.

 

Good luck! Hugs...

[Jodiegirl]

Thanks guys for your responses. Someone asked about the age, he is 25, I am 30. I had a child when I was 17.. so my son is ALMOST half his age.

 

I will NOT be dating men that young EVER again, let alone getting engaged to them. I feel stuck- with the kids and all.

[BetterKarma]

I think at this time, you need to focus on yourself and your chlidren. Seems like you're not very happy with your home life too. No one should have to feel "stuck with the kids."

 

Maybe this is the time to drop the cheater and stop wasting valuable energy with him and focus on how to make yourself and your children happy again. Have you thought about taking a trip by yourself or with your children to get away from everything and unwind?

 

As for the guy, he sounds really immature. He has a lot of growing up to do before he can be a good husband to you and a good role model for you children. Take this eye opening experience as a blessing because you could have married him and have had children with him.

[Rabican]

do yourself a big favor and give him the boot. call katy one last time and tell her that shes the other woman, she may not even really know.

[yeawutever]

Damn, he sounds more of a phychopathic liar than a cheater. You're right about getting him out of your life. You don't deserve to be treated so poorly, much less, staying with a mental case dude.