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Jodiegirl

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  1. First of all, I'd like to point out that I am a bisexual woman. I have gotten a lot of grief for my sexuality, anywhere from "eww sick" to "dont hit on me, Im straight" to "pick side". Its been very hard for me, being bisexual, but I'm not going to STOP bein bisexual because someone thinks I should. I just AM. I love men AND women and prefer a certain type of women. But, I met my ( now ex for other reasons) fiance a little over two years ago. Within 5 minutes of being at his house, I started vibing something weird. I asked him if he was gay. he said no. I asked him if he was bisexual. He said no. His roomate came in a few minutes later and - he was gay. No ifs, ands or buts about it, he was gay. Being bisexual ( and I lean more towards women) makes it easy for me to see one of my fellows, so to speak. My then fiance denied anything. After 10 months, he moved in with me. His best friend ( who was the roomate) started dropping hints to me that my fiance was not straight. And then, he rushed out with the news and told me that him and my fiance had a sexual relationship for 3 years. I confronted my fiance and he denied it, big time. But, the damage was already done- his roomate knew intimate details, down to what my fiance said in bed, and the way his penis was bent to one side, etc. I knew in my heart AND head that my fiance was lying to me. This broke up my fiance and his best friend. My fiance wanted NOTHING to do with him at all and consistently called him a liar. His best friend came down here crying and said " I made it all up, he's straight, but Im not". Well, in SEptember, my fiance cheated on me with a female. I broke off the engagement and kicked him out. He started getting counseling and doing EVERYTHING and I mean everything to get me back. I kept ignoring him. Finally, this past week- I told him if he didnt stop contacting me, he was going to end up with a restraining order. Well, instead of him not contacting me, he emailed me back with a whole bunch of truths that he never told me. ( I didnt break up with him cause he cheated, I broke up cause he kept lying about it and switching his story). he said he was telling his therapist how much he lied, and how he has lived in this big fantasy world and cant keep lying. (We're talking COMPULSIVE liar here). Well, so he admitted a whole bunch of stuff he lied about. And finally, I picked up the phone and called him and told him how proud I was that he was finally realizing he had a problem. ( He does, trust me, with lying). During th conversation, I asked him if he had had sex with his bf like his bf said he did. He sighed and said "yes". What he told me was IDENTICAL to what his best friend told me- but that I never mentioned to my fiance. The story is: when his best friend's father died ( my ex fiance was like 21 when this happened), his best friend was a mess and didn't know HIS sexuality and asked my fiance to let him blow him. he said no. But bf kept begging and my fiance finally caved and said ok. After that, my fiance found himself in tight spots time and time again and at times, would have to live with his gay bf-roomate. He said each and every time, he would practically beg him to let him blow him. he said sometiems he would say yes, sometimes no, but that he would always tell him straight to his face that he is straight. He also admitted to me that he gave anal sex to his bf by laying on the floor keeping his eyes closed with a condom on. Him and his bf BOTH told me that my fiance could NOT nor would he give a blow job- that it gagged him. He wouldnt kiss his gay bf and on one occasion almost puked, and he never let him have anal sex with him. It was just my fiance letting this man give him oral, or my fiance giving HIM anal sex. I asked myf iance if he liked it. He said no. I asked him why 3 and a half years if he didn't like it. He said he would be made to feel guilty, or that he would lose his friend if he didn't. His best friend, btw was and still is "in the closet" but not to a select few people. I asked my fiance if he masterbates to men and he said no. He maintained, as did his roomate, that he likes women 100 percent. HOWEVER, my fiance also lets me "play" with him- im sure you could figure out what I mean. He told me he didn't want me to think he was gay if he let me do that. I just had to see if he WOULD let me do that. This was before he admitted this stuff to me. My fiance is NOT masculine. He keeps his nails clean, doesnt bite them, and just is overly sensitive and emotional. I have told him before it feels like I am with a woman, not a man- and it feels like him and I have had to compete for the spotlight. I feel he is using me because I am bisexual but more on the butch side. In other words, I am more manly than my fiance- I can also tune your engine if you want. Look, I have 3 kids here. This man not only lied to me, but he cheated on me AND did NOT give me the choice of being with someone KNOWINGLY who had been with men or not. I asked my fiance how he knows for damn sure he is not gay/bi and he said because he has never looked at a man in his life and lusted one. Ok, then WHY be sexually active with one for 3 and a half years? He said it wasn't all the time- and sometimes, there were gaps of time in between like a month, four months, six, etc. I also know for a FACT that ALL activity stopped 10 months before he met me and he has had NO further man to man contact at all... so for almost 3 years. Even his gay bf told me that the last time my fiance moved in, he told him ( my fiance told the roomate)to his face "im not doing any of that stuff, I am not gay, I am straight, so don't ask). My fiance says he NEVER approached his bf for any type of sex at any time. My fiance IS a very very very very very shy person and VERY influential into doing things. But for 3 and a half years? My fiance wants to come home, work things out. I dont know if I can be intimate with him anymore, NOT because of this,but because truly? I don't want left when he decides that he is in fact, gay. Any thoughts on this? Help? Im very numb.
  2. P.S. I'd give her a piece of my mind , and then dump rick. But thats just me.
  3. If you're not happy in your current relationship( and you're not) get out of it. DO NOT stay in something you are not happy with, especially when your feelings are not being taken into consideration ( and they arent)
  4. easily. Tell him EXACTLY what you just told us.
  5. How does one cheat if they claim to be IN love with you? Easy, they love themselves more. They walk around thinking "poor pitiful me" instead of coming to terms with themselves and their own relationships and working on THAT. Where was I in her thoughts/being while she was doing the act? Obviously, you were the farthest thing from her mind. I was cheated on. I got proposed to in May 2006. Come june, he was cheating for three months ( and using MY car to drag her butt around). He wasn't thinking of me. And she was thinking of YOU, she was thinking of herself. Is it possible for her to be trusted again? I dont know. Thats up to you. She did this before and I assume you tried to trust her and then she up and did it again. What can she do to prove she is loyal and faithful now and has learned her lesson? Ahhh "learned her lesson" . My ex fiance used that language "that he learned his lesson". There is no lesson to be learned in cheating other than it hurts someone and ultimately ends up hurting yourself if you actually LOSE the person that you cheated on. If you don't lose that person, what REALLY did you lose? Am I allowed to be a little jealous if she is flirty with another until trust is rebuilt? Uh, yes. My hearts door is closing and if it does ---no one will ever get back inside...not in this lifetime. Wrong. Your door is closing to protect yourself from HER. What you really need to do is SHOW her the door and tell her to kindly walk out it. YOu wont BELIEVE the peace you will feel inside when she is gone. You CANT get over this having to look at her face everyday, and curl up to her at night. Get her out of your life and get the healing YOU need. She isn't healing over anything. She still has you. Hmmm.. sounds like she had an affair and "got away with it". Think about it. Aside from counseling as it is too expensive....What advice does anyone have that we can do as a couple to get back those feelings of True Loyal Trusting Love? There are self help books you can buy. I want to trust her implicitly!!!!! But How can she help mend those wounds that she inflicted on top of the scars of my past? I reallly do love this woman!!! I dont doubt your love. I love my ex fiance with my heart and soul. Now, love yourself. She wasn't loving you. THATS NOT LOVE!
  6. I find nothing in your post that says you are not hurt. You ARE hurt and you are ENTITLED to be hurt and someone telling you that online relationships mean nothing is full of it. My last three MEN came from the internet and they ALL started out as "nothing". I dont care WHAT it is. Online, in person, phone sex, on the phone, etc. He cheated or was at least trying to. Did u know about his actions? No. You found out. Did he tell you he sometimes talked to other women? Im assuming no? yes? Think about what he told you. I mean hey, if he told you he talked to other women, then deal with it. BUT... you are hurt and you have every right to be. And am I hearing that AFTER you called him on this, he was STILL doing it? He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. Take away his cake and let the jerk starve. Child or not. He is acting like a child and Im sure you have enough.
  7. Im very proud of you, and I don't know you. Never take that idiot back. He doesn't love you. He loves himself. Have solace know it wont work out with him and Ms. Mistress.
  8. What your girlfriend did in her past, before you, you cannot hold against her. You WERENT there and you have no right. HOWEVER, I am of the thinking that when you get in a serious relationship, YOU MUST tell whom you are with about your past. Im from the college- if you can't share your past, you have no history. HOWEVER, perhaps after your girlfriend got with you, she realized of course she lied, and didn't want you to think any less of you so she never told you until now, now at a point in your relationship where she feels in her heart you wont hold her sexual past against her. IF you CHEAT on her while with her, thats a whole new different ball game. Whats going to be your excuse when she finds out? And she will. Sorry. And she's feel it. Yes she will. Again, sorry. Would you want her cheating on you? If you want a "few more experiences" and this woman has been failthful to you, theres only one thing you should do- and thats let her go, because you can't give her what she deserves. I'd try talking to her about this, instead of doing something like this.
  9. I started to suspect things in mid June of this year. His whole persona and personality started to change. 1.) he started to get mean, very mean but yet after class , seemed "happy". I felt like I was burdeoning him 2.) he started to bath before going to class and chew gum. When I confronted him, he acting like I was breaking a law for asking that and snapped at me 3.) my carseat in my car was constantly moved forward. When I asked about that, he again snapped. He is NOT a snappy person, never was 4.) he started to secretely leave the room 5.) his guilt must have kicked in because all the sudden, he was text messaging me poems on how I was the best thing since sliced cheese 6.) He started to want LESS sex, but at other times, wanted it more. 7.) He started to come home at different times 8.) Right before getting busted, he called me on the way home a few times- which was unlike him. It was a dead giveaway that he was relieved to be "leaving" a situation and wanted to make sure the home front was clear 9.) he started recording my keystrokes online and accusing ME of cheating 10.) he spent WAY too much time explaining to me that "after class, I went out to eat, it took about 45 minutes, then 25 minutes drive home.. so it was bout this time when I left.. and here I am" ( hes a BAD LIAR) He NEVER had to explain times to me before 11.) He started to leave earlier and earlier and earlier 12.) A friend told me. He saw my car, but it wasnt me in it. OOPS? 13.) he goes to college with some of my friends, unbeknownst to him. OOPS? they busted and told me, when I called them on it after friend in 12 told me. 14.) HE HAS NEVER ever ever cleaned my car. However, a parking stub from Children's hospital when I took my son for a dentist appointment was VERY high proriety for him to get out of my car, BIG TIME. It took me to September to bust him ( through cell phone bills- that is in my name). He still hasn't admitted the full truth and of course is a "changed man". Funny, a man wouldn't cheat, now would they?
  10. Thanks guys for your responses. Someone asked about the age, he is 25, I am 30. I had a child when I was 17.. so my son is ALMOST half his age. I will NOT be dating men that young EVER again, let alone getting engaged to them. I feel stuck- with the kids and all.
  11. "L" and I have been seeing each other since 2005. He moved in in 2006 and in May of this year, proposed. He started college in June of 2006 and within a month, was cheating. The thing is, I THOUGHT he was , but found the proof just last week. it seemed very odd to me that L started all the sudden going from taking baths in the mornings to taking baths right before going to college, wearing collogne and also chewing gum. It also seemed strange to me that he would text me all day long while he was at work/I was at work, but yet when he got to school, he no longer texted me after a month into college. His times coming home started to change as well. I asked him about the sudden change in behavior and HIGHLY suspected cheating but he denied it, saying of course he would never do that, blah blah blah. In fact, since June, I had asked him several times if nothing was up, why does he chew gum when ONLY going to school and not in front of me? Why does he bath when going to school, but stays disgusting for ME? All I got was "What, ain't I allowed to chew gum?" To add to that, my mom and him were having a conversation one night bout college. I had found out L had said to one of his friends that college is for getting lai*. That comment made me a bit upset and my mother asked "You wouldn't do that , would you, L". L responded that he wouldn't do that and that there were no women in his classes to begin with. In august, two months after he said that to my mother, I found out there were women in his class. He asked me to log onto his online course and I found a roster. One of the women in his class was named katy. Welp, last week I got the cell phone bill. The cell phones are in my name, he's on my plan and I realized ALOT of text messages were going on with him and a number I did not recognize. So, my sister called the number and asked for "Jackie". The woman replied "This is Katy, not Jackie". My sister apologized and said she had the wrong number. I then freaked out... I KNEW it was katy from class. I looked at some of the dates ( my birthday), and one date in particular came off very strange- August 17th. That day, L was suppossed to go to an amusement park of which he NEVER invited me to. he said his teacher was taking his son to the amusement park so there would be no class that day, but in order for the students to get "credit" for attendance, they had to go to the amusement park or go to class ( and sit there without an instructor I assume). I can only guess he was going to the amusement park with HER and thats why she text messaged him that day, because as it turns out he did NOT go to the amusement park that day for reasons he could not control and when I said "well, arent you going to go to class, he said "No, its not mandatory, no one is going to be there anyway". Welp, I confronted L immediately and asked him why he was texting Katy. I was LIVID. he replied "I don't know a katy, thats ben's number, I have been helping him with homework". Yeah ok, since June- and through text messages. It took L two DAYS to admit to me that yes, that was Katy's number. First he said he was helping ben. Then he said he didn't know a Katy. Then he said he didn't know it was her celll phone number? ( cough,laugh), then he said she is NOT in his class, then said he was helping HER with homework ( when he said she's not inher class) and THEN he said that he was giving her a ride too and from class. ( uh and that would be in my car). I KNOW more went on than that. katy wouldn't answer mytext messages. If she was just getting a ride, I'm sure she would of just said so. L now says he knows why he cheated- because he has problems and he wants help. I want him out of my life but at the same time I don't. I am DEVASTATED, literally. And he is STILL not telling me the full truth. I deserve much much better than this. He says he wants to keep me, he actually tried to say its half my fault. ( Yeah RIGHT!) On top of that, anytime I said I was going to leave him he treatens suicide. I just can't handle this anymore. Im not a fricken teenager, I HAVE ONE, my OLDEST son! I have broken it off with L but he is still livign in my home. I am just numb, depressed, angry, sad, you name it, I am IT. ANyone got any advice?
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