can guys really just be friends with girls?

[shorty20]

Now, this is just something I'm curious about. My fiance told me a while ago, that there is no such thing as just a friendship between a guy and a girl. He says that one of them has feelings for the other, but it's just that they don't chose to act on it. He said this when we were discussing my friendships (most of which were with guys)... at the time we wern't engaged, and I told him that I got along better with guys and that they were just friends. He said they may just be friends to me, but that they secretly had feelings/wanted to get with me. Now, I can see where he's coming from.. alot of times friendships form from an immediate attraction but then it just settles into friendship... but is this true for ALL relationships like this?? I stoped all contact with most of my guy friends because I knew it made him uncomfortable and my fiance is the most important man in my life so I"m not asking for advice there, just more for opinions. Can a guy and a girl really be strictly friends and neither on of them have any feelings for each other?

[amtjrtcet]

It all depends on the individual. I have a very best friend that is a guy. We have been friends for 10 years, and trust me, absolutely NO interest on either side. We are both in relationships, both of our sig. others know how good of friends we are.

[Day_Walker]

The only way a guy can be just friends with a girl is if he has never been attracted to her at anytime. Now that is a pretty rare situation so for the most part I will say that men and women cannot be strictly friends, because there is always flirting and inuendos.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I really dont think its possible. Your are friends with people with attractive qualities- and in opposite sex relationships that is just bound to have some sexual overtones or you just wouldnt bother.

 

I know a few girls who think they have male friends like that- but I'm fairly sure thats not the case from the other side.

[laboheme]

It really does depend on the individual, and in my experience, it's definitely possible. One of my closest guy friends was attracted to me a while ago (and I shot him down), and now we give each other relationship advice and such...no weird feelings at all. He also used to date my best female friend -- well, they broke up, but they are still good friends. He and I were the two people she wanted to see last before leaving to go abroad...and there wasn't a trace of sexual tension between the three of us.

[tinysquid66]

No they can't. If they say they are "just firends" one of them is deeply in denial.

I'm a bartender and believe I know I hear mens most intimate secrets.

[Dako]

I do, and also believe women can be friends with men, but boys and girls seem to have trouble with it.

Maturity helps.

[shorty20]

I think that no matter what either of the people say, there IS some attraction on one end of the relationship. My fiance said no guy would just be friends with a girl without a hope for more sometime down the road. I think some people of the opposite sex can be friends, but only because the guys realize the girl isn't into them and they settle for second best... if they can't be her SO then why not her best friend?

[gattsuga]

Yes, I believe two people of different sexes can be friends. but if they dated sometime in the past, then of course there will be feelings there. That doesn't mean they will act on it though. I'm friends with a lot of girls, does that mean i'm attracted to every one of them? no way... and it's not like i flirt or give out hints either.

 

if there's flirting going on, then yes that should be stopped.

[justpaisley]

Now that's just silly. When I first started college, I became close friends with several guys. There was only one with whom I crossed the friendship boundary, and I'm married to him now. The other 3, I've gone to movies with, gone to dinner with - and they're some of the best friends I have. There's no physical attraction between us; in fact, I think I'd have killed any of them if we were to date. But they're wonderful friends, and they always will be.

 

It sounds like your boyfriend's a little insecure - you need to nip that in the bud before he starts to 86 all your friendships.

[Ipso Fracto Man]

Let's give the human race a little credit, sheesh!

[shorty20]

now, Paisley80, who's to say that these guys aren't attracted to you? You can swear up and down that they're not, but you'll never know. Fact is, the reason you first talking to someone is either because you've been introduced by friends, or because you notice something about them... there will be an initial attraction there, on someone's part. Whether they get you or not is not the point. I think my boyfriend is right... there will always be some sort of feelings or attraction on one end or the other. He didn't ask me to stop these friendships, I did it out of respect for him. Most of the guys I was talking to were just people I would party with on the weekends (which I don't do anymore anywayz) so it wasn't that big of a deal.

[justpaisley]

So you won't be friends with anyone that might find you physically attractive, out of respect for your boyfriend. It just seems incredibly limiting to me.

 

Why should pleasing aesthetics negate platonic friendship? You finding someone physically attractive, or vice versa, doesn't mean anything is wrong with your relationship with your fiance or your friendship with that person.

 

How far are you going to extend the embargo on associating with people that might think you're attractive? Will you not speak to any men with whom you work? What if your fiance's male friends think you're attractive, will you not associate with them? Will you avoid lesbians? How much are you willing to isolate yourself?

[CamGuy]

Actually, this is quite an easy question to answer, and yes, it depends on several highly important variables.

 

First and foremost....it depends on attraction. If a guy (straight guy) finds any woman attractive, 9 times out of 10....he cannot be "just friends" with her. He may inevitably end up as "a friend", but deep down, any man who is stuck in this situation knows, if his "friend" ever would let him, he would nail her in a heart beat.

 

Attractive Women tend to be different because they dupe themselves into thinking they have PLENTY of guy friends who don't want to nail them. So, they can easily have a platonic relationship with a man. But as always, there are several factors that will help you gals distinguish this perplexing phenomenon (if you indeed, think you have plenty of guy friends). And they go as the following:

 

If your are an attractive (gay or straight) woman, and they guy is:

 

Straight

Single

And OFTEN hangs out with just you, and not in a group with others around.

 

THEN YES, he would nail you in a second if you gave him the chance. Thats just the way the cookie crumbles.

 

Ask yourself, (especially if you are an attractive female), if I were to dress up in sexy lingerie, and call my best guy friend (who is single) over, and if i were to be waiting in my bedroom, half naked, with music on, and if I asked him to have his way with me right then and there.....would he go for it?

 

 

 

 

think about it,.

[Ipso Fracto Man]

The fact that you would have sex with someone if circumstances were different in no way means that you can't be just friends.

 

Think about that.

[justpaisley]

The fact that you would have sex with someone if circumstances were different in no way means that you can't be just friends.

 

Bingo.

 

And yes, my male friends would likely say "What in the sam hell do you think you're doing?" Some people can control their penises.

[TheRedQueen]

If they want to stick it in you, no.

[Ipso Fracto Man]

My male friend OR has the hots for my female friend MG and has admitted it to her, yet she is married and he would not and will cross that line. Anyone who tried to tell them that they are not friends would be in for an earful and then some.

[Rabican]

It can happen, but the friendship has to be, and remain STRICTLY plutonic. I think once either side starts flirting, making lewd suggestions, confessing feelings for the other... then its a downward spiral from there.

[Ipso Fracto Man]

In the real-life scenario that I outlined in my previous post, OR has in fact told MG that he finds her desirable (and her husband is aware of this as well) and yet their friendship remains miraculously stable. My conclusion: guys can really just be friends with girls.

[TheRedQueen]

I have observed and personally experienced that in general, women can handle platonic relationships far better than men. When a man is absolutely not attracted to the girl, then yes a platonic relationship may ensue, but if the man secretly or overtly wants to "stick it in her" complications will arise, TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!!!

[TheRedQueen]

I've lost too many "platonic" male friends from their ulterior motives to be with me, err, um "intimately".

[Ipso Fracto Man]

Our experiences differ.

[TheRedQueen]

Our experiences differ.

Obviously they do, as I would expect them to.

[sumguy]

I've been good friends with a girl for a long time, I don't have any feelings for her, and I'm sure she doesn't have any for me - she's going out with another friend - but she's the only person I've known for a long time that I've never really fought with.

 

Your fiance's theory is flawed, no matter what you say about someone, statistically it must have happened somewhere.