Ex called after 1 year and 1/2

[pagemaster]

I am not sure where to put so I figured this was the appropriate thread.

 

My ex called after 1 and 1/2 years. I dated her for 2 1/2 years and really liked her. I really did. Well, she sent me a email a few weeks ago saying that "she was thinking of me and wanted to know how I was doing, you want to go for coffee?" I said fine, I am in the area getting my truck serviced I could probably meet up. She never could make the meeting but then two days later she called. Vocie crackling, sounding nervous, etc say hope to hear from you soon.

 

Well, she has been dating someone during this time. So have I.

I am really not sure if I should go through with this?

 

Ex girlfriends do not usually call?

This is the same girl who called on my anniversary to tell me that we will never be together again six months after we broke up.

Same girl who figured out my hotmail password hint and was reading my email

 

 

 

What does everyone thing about this?

[melrich]

My guess is she is feeling melancholy. That's how I feel when I contact people from my past. It's just I'll have a sudden thought of them and think "I really should call and find out what has been happening".

 

Should you catch up? I don't know. How do you feel about it. Do you feel ambivalent? If not I'd give it a miss.

[joyce1412]

yeah, i bet she's doing the "high fidelity"-style checking in with the ex because she's in a weird place.

 

that doesn't always mean a dead end, though. my cousin did this to apologize to one of her exes 2 years after they broke up and they ended up getting back together. they just got married.

 

so she may not have the worst intentions, but to me it's not really that flattering that this girl only called you because her life is (probably) in the gutter.

 

i'd be curious to find out what she wants, though. keep us posted if you find out.

[friscodj]

This is the same girl who called on my anniversary to tell me that we will never be together again six months after we broke up.

Same girl who figured out my hotmail password hint and was reading my email

 

I was reading your post and said to myself, "Oh man, the hopeless romantic in me says go for it!"

 

Then I got to the part I quoted and put the brakes on...

 

This chick stuck the knife in your heart on your anniversary? And then she was sneaking around in your email?

 

After short deliberation, the jury has reached a unanimous verdict: She can go to hell.

[GottaLetItBurn]

You definatly sound like you might still be interested in her still. However, I think she might just really be "checking up" for no reason other than her own curiosity. If she doesn't want to pursue you, then show her she will never be able to waste another minute of your time by ignoring her.

 

Give he one chance to show you she is serious, if she blows it, then you should forget her and continue to move on. All though it's really your choice, you know what's best for you.

[valenski]

It sounds to me she is past her angry phase and began to accept things as they are. Maybe she's sorry for her evil deeds.

[joyce1412]

Give he one chance to show you she is serious, if she blows it, then you should forget her and continue to move on.

 

if i'm understanding it correctly, they already arranged a coffee date and she cancelled on him. i think she's already blown her chance (well, provided that you, pagemaster, only want to give her that one chance).

 

my best guess is...she spoke to you on a lonely night, eager to speak with someone who cares for her, and was kind of stoked that you wanted to get together with her. by confirming your interest in her her ego was boosted a bit. then she woke up the next day, still feeling the effects of the ego boost and out of her loneliness slump, and thereforeeee decided that meeting you in person wasn't necessary for her to feel better anymore. so she chickened out, but with that "hope to hear you soon," she's still sort of baiting you to see how interested you are.

 

i realize that's a VERY cynical reading of her actions, i'll admit i'm not giving her the benefit of the doubt. but knowing that she has played with your emotions and hacked into your email, i wouldn't put this kind of manipulation past her.

[GottaLetItBurn]

^^wow...That is probably all true. I think this is something that may have happened to me many times, but I never knew it was happening to me on a conscious level.

[Spawn]

hmm usually they are checkin up on ya and when they see no spark like before they go their way

 

Even if you meet up don't spent much time together....don't see really a point after she misses one but its your call.

 

I do believe in second chances but third, fourth...drags it a bit don't ya think?

[joyce1412]

^^wow...That is probably all true. I think this is something that may have happened to me many times, but I never knew it was happening to me on a conscious level.

 

i think it's happened to a LOT of people.

 

i have to admit, i recently checked in with an ex this way, although it was only to say that i was deeply sorry about breaking his heart (what can i say, feeling TOTALLY AWFUL after this breakup inspired me to right my own wrongdoings). he accepted my apology, and indicated that he was eager to talk more. and i have to admit, it made me feel really, really good...even though i'm still not interested in him.

 

so i guess you could say i'm familiar with the kind of ego boost it provides. i think i've also had it happen to me once or twice. like i said, this sort of thing goes on quite a lot.

[dogheadma]

If I were in your situation, then her past actions would tell me all I needed to know. I don't believe anyone needs that kind of stuff in thier life. I would just let it go.

[Siriana]

She made some moves that are innapropriate (reading e-mail, calling to tell you you will never be back together) and I must say that people don't change or get wiser so soon.

If she feels guilty - let her feel guilty - she doesn't need your approval not to feel so. The only thing she needs is treating someone new better than she treated you. No point in talking with you about it.

If she was feeling down at the moment it's none of your bussiness.

 

ANd she canceled the coffie, so I see no point in thinking about her anymore. Next time say you're busy and blow her of easily. She will get the messagge.

[Orlander]

In any of these situations where the ex comes back into the picture in any capacity, I think you just have to ask yourself "Is getting hurt by this person again worth it?"

 

Orlander

[friscodj]

In any of these situations where the ex comes back into the picture in any capacity, I think you just have to ask yourself "Is getting hurt by this person again worth it?"

 

Orlander

 

Good point...

[pagemaster]

ANd she canceled the coffie, so I see no point in thinking about her anymore. Next time say you're busy and blow her of easily. She will get the messagge.

 

I have to say that it is not like she cancelled on coffee. I said I would be in her area the next morning via email (my vehicle dealer is close to her house) and if you want I can meet you while I wait. There was not much of a chance she would be able to meet me as I sent it late the night before.

 

couple other things.

 

I was her first real boyfriend

Knew her for 2 1/2 years before getting toghether

Always predicted certain events as calling near anniversary, email etc, leaving me because she needs to see what else is out there etc. .

I have always maintained the position that she will try to screw things up when I am moving on. She asked about my girlfriend, I told her I got her pregnant by accident this summer, I have a new job etc. I have moved on.

 

I hope I am not right again.