I hurt my ex - and lost the man i love!

[tigereye]

I hurt my ex-boyfriend and the man I was seeing!

 

My ex and I broke up a year ago - but we have been on and off trying to be platonic - with occasional slip ups by giving into having sex. He knows that I have been dating - but not on a regular basis. I know he still is in love with me - and sometimes it is hard for him to deal with us - just being friends. He is my best friend - and love to be with him and know that we aren't compatible in a relationship.

 

I will get to the point. Last June 2003 I went with my ex to his co-workers house for a small party. I met one of his co-workers - and instantly took a liking to him. We all had a great time. My ex, the co-work i took liking to, and i left. long story short - i ended up at the co-workers apartment - and we had sex.

 

The co-worker and i have been secretly dating since then. we have sworn that we have to tell my ex. co-worker sees ex every day and they are friends. But, we kept putting it off - we were afraid of the implications - we will hurt him - he will hate us - he will never talk to us again. So we kept putting it off, and putting it off, meanwhile we think we are falling in love.

 

Yesterday - my ex found out from another co-worker what we have been doing. he is pissed, angry, hurt, embarrassed, and never wants to talk to us again. All of this is understandable.

 

I feel horrible, guilty, and the worst person in the world - how could i hurt my ex and friend so much. and to top it off the co-worker does not want to be with me anymore. I don't know what to do?

 

is this define justice for being so deceptive.

 

i don't know how to deal with the lost of both the ex best friend - and someone I am in love with - and starting to care about deeply.

 

Can i mend both relationships, only one, which one?

 

please help!

[Genesis]

I am sorry to say this but I think you got what you deserve. Sorry

 

I think it was kind of low down to just sleep with some guy you just meet, (maybe thats cool to you) when your ex introduced you guys. I am sure you where at the party as your ex's so called date, and he was not expecting you to hook up with some other guy. I looks like to me that you have boundary issues. I do not know why you and your ex broke up but after this he may not want you back anymore. Someone who does not have the respect to not sleep with the ex's: (Family members, friends, or co-workers), is notworthy in my book.

 

 

Your ex sould be happy that he now sees your true colors. If he were to have married you, you may have been sneeking around and have an affair on him. Well I think that you may be using your ex. If you only want him as a friend you should not sleep with him no matter what.

 

He may have understood you dating his co-worker if you had been honest in the first place and told him you were attracted to him.

As for the co-worker, he just enjoyed sneeking around with you, now that the cat is out of the bag and everyone in the office knows about it he will not date you anymore. He will be putting his job on the line and cause office tension between him and a co-worker which is not worth it for.

If the co-worker is in love with you, which he may not be since all you do is have sex, he will be willing to let you go. Do not be someone's booty call honey.

 

I hope that you will work on trying to be friends with your ex again b/c if you do not and the co-worker dumps you, you have lost a friend for life.

 

Let your ex go It sound like you are just using him as your back up plan.

It looks like he is the one who should be skeptical of you , you are not trustworthy.

 

I hope I was not too harsh, I hope that everything works out for the best.

[digitaldiva]

I guess that was harsh, but true!

 

It's important that you analyze the situation, acknowledge the mistakes that you made, and learn from them....This seems to have been a wake up call for you to realize that you do have a personal boundary problem. KNOW that you have person boundary problems and correct the problem. If you do not you will find yourself in a chain of relationships similar to this one. Look at it this way. Because you now know the consequences of crossing the line with a partner's friend you won't make the mistake again; if it wouldn't have been this time it would have happened eventually with someone else. I am sorry it had to happen with someone you loved.

Not sure if befriending your Ex will be the best thing. I am sure he is quite bitter about your infidelity. He's not going to pat you on the back and say that he understands. But who knows! if he does then good but only befriend those who are supportive of you.. You know you made a mistake you know what mistakes they were and you are learning from them. You do not need it rubbed in your face! This will only stagger your healing process...

 

 

 

 

[dmvcc1]

You know, it really chaps me....the above poster is right...you get exactly what you deserve....you should be ashamed at what you have done....if I were either one of those guys, I would leave you out on the street...sorry it if is harsh...but what makes you think that you deserve to be treated any differently than the way you have treated people...work on yourself...it sounds to me like you have some self esteem issues...and remember Kharma...it will come back and bite you in the @@@....good luck in your endeavors...with your type of attitude and behavior, u will need it!

[stizel]

Sorry to be mean but after reading your situation you deserve what you got.

[bdub]

Don't mean to rip you apart, but what kind of friend are you again? The kind that uses him for emotional support (which you both do), sleeps with friends and co-workers, decieves your friend.

 

Look, I've been in many situations on both sides of the ball when there is the option of coming clean with your friends, or trying to hide something from them for fear they might be hurt by the information. In ALL cases, it is best to give the person the information.

 

Most of the times when I've been hurt by people I called my friends, it was the deception that hurt me the most. Not that action in itself. The actions hurt, but the deception is where I start thinking that I'm not interested in a friendship anymore. I can tolerate a lot, but lies, I WILL NOT ACCEPT.

 

bdub