Can anybody help me understand this?

[simon_uk]

I am really baffled and upset.

 

I took my sister to look for a new car then took her back to mine to pack up the ex's things. It was really emotional or should I say I was really emotional.

 

Anyway, my sister said she brought the ex a present back from her holiday, nothing too expensive but just something she would like. She said the ex didnt seem very grateful or she didnt really show much emotion about it, just kind of a blank look on her face and a quiet "thanks"

 

Anyway then the ex said, "oh look at this I have got to show you" then showed the biggest tattoo accross the base of her back!!!! it was perfectly healed which suggests she had it done a week ago at least. My sister said her first reaction was, where have you got the money from to have this done. Which is what I also thought. She never had any money and I mean NO money. It was only just over two weeks ago that she said to me, we will have to have a quiet month this month because I have got NO money. Not even money for food and I cant afford to go out for my friends night out. I gernerally paid for most things because she was so broke.

 

The second thing that I thought was. I always told her that I liked girls with tattoos, it is just something I find attractive. She had two small tattoos already but she said that was probably enough for her. She said she liked tattoos but didnt like them on the lower back, thought they were a bit common and not very attractive. So then, WHY ha she had a large tattoo on the base of her back? * * * is that all about? It made me feel quite sick when my sister told me. First because of the money (shocked as to where she has got it from) and second because she has had something done that she said she didnt like.

 

She also said to my sister that she was thinking of having more done!!!!

 

One other thing she asked my sister was whether she had her stuff from me. So I guess she really wants it and I guess she really wants it over. Now if this were somebody I had introduced my sister to and they had told my sister they loved her, told my sister that they wanted to move in with them and told me that they loved my sister. Then two days later dumped my sister. I would be asking what the **** are you playing at. However my sister said she doesnt want to get involved and she has to work with her and doesnt want a fallout.

 

 

So overall I have had a bit of a **** night. I feel like I never even knew this girl. I dont know what the **** is going on. I dont think she will ever come back as she seems to really want her stuff back. So I think she really doesnt give a **** and never did.

 

I feel so ill and upset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Anybody any words of comfort, advice?

[rose2summer]

Hi Simon,

 

She clearly seems to present herself as someone new,

 

Getting tattoos she said she would never get,

 

Spending money she said she never had,

 

The person you were once in love with,

 

Has flown from the "coop" persay,

 

And isn't going to return,

 

She is a new woman, not the same one you fell in love with,

 

Or she could be the same woman, and she showed you a fassad,

 

I am sorry this is difficult to accept,

 

But many people can put on a good show,

 

And never show their true colors.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[NJRon]

When people break up, sometimes they do the things that they never wanted to do, but that they knew their ex wanted. I don't know if this is some form of subcoscious retribution or if they merely, fo a little while, want to show that they *could* have been everything the other person wanted.

 

Regardless... I would be curious about the money also. Funny thing is, an ex of mine did something similar... got the tattoo for free she said... hmmm...

 

Your sister is right to keep things mellow, since she has to work with her. Give her the stuff back and move on. Maybe she needs a taste of what life is like without you.

 

In reading some of your previous posts, she just comes off as a bit unstable. You're really better off. Maybe you can find someone who can support themselves financially and also offer some emotional support for you.

[simon_uk]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Ron most of my presvious posts are about a breakup last year. I have only posted one other regarding this break up.

 

Well its certainly baffled me. I have no idea if I knew this woman at all.

 

Would appreciate anymore opinions if people have any.

[NJRon]

Ahh... my misread then. Still... I have found what she did to not me totally abnormal.

 

When breaking up I have had girls cut their hair... dye their hair... lose weight... start a hobby that I had tried introducing them to but that they were never interested in doing it with me... get a tattoo... piercings... a new job... go back to school... travel... you name it.

 

You probably did know her... when she was her old self.. now she is trying to be someone new... and, so, I doubt you know her now.

[ontheverge]

I was with my ex for 3 years and she did the same thing. She moved out in Sept, by Oct she was living with someone else, had a tattoo and money to go camping and boating and play sports. They have now bought a house. When we were togther I helped her with her credit crap, and I was lucky to get a gas station flower. We never had money to go out, and now she is at the bar all the time. Funny she has the same job and the other girl works at a gas station. Yes, if you are wondering it is the same gas station that the flowers were bought for me.

[simon_uk]

So do you think I am seeing things that arent there?

 

I mean I am thinking along the lines of her having the tattoo because it was something I liked. I am thinking she showed it to my sister deliberately so she would tell me.

 

Besides is it not usually the dumpee who goes out and makes radical changes?

 

Always thought it was.

 

She ended it, I never put a foot wrong, she didnt leave because of anything I had done. But because she 'said' she wasnt ready, talk of moving in together (which she brought up two days before we split) was always initiated by her. As was marriage and children.

 

Confused

[NJRon]

You have every right to be confused. Your thought on why she did this could be spot on. It is not always the dumpee... sometimes it is the dumper. It is the person who feels they need to change things... it could be either person or both.

 

I think you are seeing something and trying to reconcile it with the perosn you knew her to be. Regardless, she is not that same person. It's sometimes hard to reconcile the old with the new.

[Scout]

So do you think I am seeing things that arent there?

 

I mean I am thinking along the lines of her having the tattoo because it was something I liked. I am thinking she showed it to my sister deliberately so she would tell me.

 

Besides is it not usually the dumpee who goes out and makes radical changes?

 

Always thought it was.

 

 

Hmmm...there's no way of really knowing the answer to the question of why she got a tattoo there. I think that when we're in relationships with poeple, they do influence our interests. It could just be she thought, hey, it kind of would be cool to have a tattoo there.

 

One thing I've noticed about break ups, whether I've been the one to end it or vice versa, there is some mental freedom that results, even if I'm feeling bummed out. You've simply got more time to spend back on yourself, so you try and do new things.

 

When my last relationship ended, I went out and bought myself some new clothes and costume jewelry. While I was in the relationship, I always dressed very casually, because my boyfriend at the time did. He really wasn't into fashion, and if I ever dressed up at all, he would ask me why.

 

I didn't mind that too much, but at the same time, when we broke up one of the first things I did was buy some clothes and accessories that were more dressy than how I usually dressed while we were together.

[simon_uk]

Thanks Scout

 

Well I agree, i mean I have been out and treated myself because I have been feeling down.

 

I am just probably putting things in my own head but the tattoo is in a place she cant see it herself, she doesnt wear revealing clothes, a short top that showed that off would be a definite no no in her eyes, she is just very formal and she never ever goes out. 1. Because she Has NO money, so I wonder how she paid for it (not that its my business even if we were together) 2. Because she has NO friends to go out with and 3. She doesnt like to go out.

 

Like i say, maybe I am just looking too much into it, but I am really puzzled and hurt by her actions.

[Scout]

If she's starting to wear skimpy clothing that exposes more of her skin, plus getting a tattoo that draws attention to a "sexy" part of the body...well...she's in a mindstate where she wants to be noticed and perceived as attractive. It could be for someone in particular, or it could just be a way of kind of experimenting with being "sexy."

 

I know that's not what you want to hear. But that's what I'm reading. Sorry, friend. It's just kind of natural after a relationship ends to get curious about interacting with the opposite gender again. And the one who ended the relationship is typically the one to feel that curiosity sooner rather than later.

[NJRon]

I think you are personalizing her actions. They may have little to do with you specifically. If that's the only thing, I would drop it and move on.

 

An ex of mine got her nickname initials tattooed in a big tat on her lower back. It bugged me for a while because the only reason I could think for her to do that would be so that some guy could remember them... like having your own name tattooed on a place that only one type of position affords the view.

 

Had to just let that one go...

 

As for the money... I left a pair of pants at an exes when i went to visit her. I asked for her to mail them back. She still hasn't and it has been months... always saying she doesn't have enough money... but, she seems to have plenty of money to go out with her new boyfriend.

 

I find it just discourteous. So, I chalk it up to a character flaw. I just went out and bought another pair of the same pants and wrote the old ones off.

[simon_uk]

If she's starting to wear skimpy clothing that exposes more of her skin, plus getting a tattoo that draws attention to a "sexy" part of the body...well...she's in a mindstate where she wants to be noticed and perceived as attractive. It could be for someone in particular, or it could just be a way of kind of experimenting with being "sexy."

 

I know that's not what you want to hear. But that's what I'm reading. Sorry, friend. It's just kind of natural after a relationship ends to get curious about interacting with the opposite gender again. And the one who ended the relationship is typically the one to feel that curiosity sooner rather than later.

 

Well thats my point really Scout, she isnt wearing skimpy clothes, she doesnt go out and she hasnt the means nor the friends to go out. She is not in a position to meet anybody else and she doesnt particularly like sex.

 

And before anybody says anything about maybe she just doesnt like sex with you, well I think she has got issues and hangups in that area.

 

I appreciate your advice but I think we may be a little off the mark here and I am not just choosing not to listen, it is what I believe from the time I spent with her.

 

Thanks

[NJRon]

Wow.. by your description.. what's stopping you.. geesh...

[simon_uk]

Dont really understand your comment Ron.

 

Forgive my ignorance. Whats stopping me from what?