It's worse the second time around...

[blackberry]

and I take full responsibility...

 

Well friends, here I am, back to this forum. I had originally posted here about a year ago about a breakup that I had back in December of 2004 (week before christmas). There were BS reasons behind the breakup, there was no cheating involved, just me and my lack of confidence/uncertain future. Things were going great for me, I had gone back to school to do what I really wanted, I was working and making really good money in the meantime, and the ex and I were having sporadic contact, meaning there was NC, but then again, there wasn't.

 

Then, comes February of 2006...she lives in Houston, TX, while I was from Baton Rouge, La. I got a job offer from Houston, Tx and gladly accepted. See, I don't know why, but the first person I called/told this to was her. Hey, I can't even blame myself...I was still in love, and still cared very deeply. She was happy for me, I was happy, period.

 

After moving down there from Feb 2006 - June 2006, we were inseparable. I took her out to eat, did things I didn't do for her before, and was ultimately always there for her. Hey, it felt like we were back together, and in my mind, we certainly were...but I was hesitant, and cautious. Of course, I had to be, I didn't know if she'd do it again.

 

Then comes June 2006...I've got my job, and now she's just graduated from school. Then, she moves back home to New Orleans, La. And then, I'm back to square one with, in my mind, another LDR, with her. In my mind, anyway. You see...this past Tuesday night, she tells me of a classmate that really liked her and wanted to start something with her. She told that guy to never call him again because then it'd be weird for her to be around him since she didn't like him at all. Me, I was shocked, and asked her...."Well, are you single?" She then drops the "Wait, so this whole time you thought we were back together?"

 

At that point, my heart sunk. My body slouched. My mind was uneasy. This is the second time that my heart has been broken by her. "It's just not the same," she said. If that doesn't make you feel worthless, then I don't know what would...

 

I've called her once since Tuesday night, only to tell her that I apologize to her for saying that I can't trust another girl anymore because of you. I made her cry by saying that as well. Now, back to square one. back to NC. back to the same uneasiness that was before.

 

It's funny because even though I moved to Houston because of the job, I knew in my heart that it was because of her. And now that I know, I wanna get as far away from Houston as possible. Maybe it's because I moved here for the wrong reasons.

 

I know it's a long and meandering topic/story, but I had to vent and share it. Goddamnit, I still love that girl, but I feel that I can't take much hurt anymore. It's not healthy. It's not smart to try to get something back. When you are hurting as badly, please reflect on what makes you hurt that much and try not to go there again. It's hard and painful, but it's a long road to travel.

 

It's funny because yesterday, Thursday, I got a call from a recruiter who wanted me to think about moving to a different city for a job with higher pay, and more flexibility. The city?...New Orleans, La.

 

Ahh..thus, the story of my sad, lonely life. Thanks for listening and reading, folks. I'll be back to chime in and respond to your messages.

[tamara78]

Hi, I really feel your pain...But how was it that you thought you were back together for 4 months and she didn't? Were you just friends at that time or something more?

[blackberry]

easy...we were spending all of our time together...every evening and night when we weren't working. I guess I fooled myself into thinking that we were back...without even discussing it with her. That's why I say that I take full responsibility for my own heartbreak, I set myself up for failure. I thought we were more than friends.

 

This is definitely not the way to handle the initial breakup, lol....

[beebee]

dont you feel that it was a bit cruel of her to "lead you on like that"?... i mean, she must have known how you felt for her all that time, yet she continued to "tease" you by going out to dinner with you, spending all her time with you, etc etc...

 

after my big breakup, i dated... i knew in my heart that i had no future with any of them, but they were there for the taking... all i had to do was reach out, but i just couldnt do it to them... it would have been cruel... i made sure that they knew how i felt and where i stood as far as romance was concerned... then it was left up to them to either stick around or leave... by the way, all of them were wonderful, kind and loving men... i was the goofball... lol...

 

when a relationship is over, its over... ive yet to see two people who have split (other then seinfield and elaine... lol) who remain friends and can talk to one another about their present love life...

 

again i reiterate... she knows how you feel and felt and yet she still continued to take from you... not nice... not nice at all...

[byates5637]

Forget about her, she is evil

[blackberry]

It eats at me that I put myself in this situation, and I know that I'm a dumba55 for having hope. I guess for me, I couldn't let go...now, I have to, no matter what.

 

What she got was the best of both worlds...in her mind, there was no relationship, and she still had someone who cared for her deeply.

 

Back to the drawing board, I guess. Thanks to all of you who read this, and commented.

[blackberry]

 

again i reiterate... she knows how you feel and felt and yet she still continued to take from you... not nice... not nice at all...

I know...trust me, I know. I blame myself for the my own hopeless failures. I know now that I have to let go, and move on. to bigger and better? we'll see.

[Orlander]

Stay where you are...don't move back to New Orleans. This is a woman who is comfortable with being around you, having you to hang out with, having you to be there for her and offer her support and never mentioning anything about the relationship you had or where it might or might not be going. This is a classic "user" and she does not have your best intentions at heart.

 

Time to let this one go and focus on yourself and your job for the time being.

 

 

Orlander

[beebee]

darling blackberry... there is no need for you to beat yourself up for how you have or are handling things as of up to now... believe me, we have all been there and done that... youve done nothing wrong except follow your heart which shows me that you DO have one and its a big one to give to someone special who deserves your love...

 

you will do well... someone will love you dearly for who and what you are and what you have to give...

 

God bless...

benita

[blackberry]

thanks for the replies and comments. Sometimes, you need a pick me up and this board has certainly helped me through the tougher times in my life. Thanks to all.

 

I still have that urge to give her a call tonight, but I'm definitely not going to. Basic stress when something like this happens, I guess.

[Speedway]

Hi blackberry,

 

My situation was very similar to yours. During the spring months we spent time together a lot and I was thinking that "we are back in this relationship", yet for her it was just being friends (I found out during summer when she found a new boyfriend).

 

On this site someone mentioned the book "the five love languages". I read it last night and it somewhat opened my eyes and made me think back to my relationship and that time we were together this year.

 

I identify with the Quality Time description. Meaning that I felt that if we spend quality time just _together_ doing things we enjoy I feel I'm in loving relationship. For her it seems the Physical Touch it was she feels most like in love.

 

The book is quite quick and easy read. I don't know but your description of being together and feeling that there is a relationship and being loved just reminds of that Quality Time assessment. The other person of course may feel completely different in those situations.

[blackberry]

Things are different now that I've had some time to reflect and collect my thoughts. Needless to say, I'm letting go and moving on. It's excrutiatingly painful, but it has to be. I remember trying to let go the first time, but I did myself a major disservice by picking up her calls and calling back when it was her calls that I missed. That gave me the unbelievably false sense of hope.

 

My actions in the past months are of my own responsibility, I'll own up to it. Now, I'll own up to completely moving on, and letting go. I owe it to myself to do that much. Thanks for listening...

[GottaLetItBurn]

Actually I can completely understand your feeling that you were together. I think it's kind of unrealistic to believe every couple always must have this talk. That just not how it really is in the dating world. Lots of people date and eventually just end up saying they are boyfriend and girlfriend after being bonded for so long.

 

It sucks though, it's not all your fault. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your not the first to get his hopes up.

[blackberry]

another small update on me...

 

It's been 4 days of NC, and I actually feel great. Wow, I can't believe I'm even saying that. I guess in my situation, if you've done all you can and there's not much more you can do, then SCREW IT. Move on, and let go.

 

I haven't had the urge of calling, emailing, or texting...weird feeling because of how I felt before. It's very liberating.

[blackberry]

another update...apologies for bumping my own topic ...

 

but, this past weekend, after speaking to a few mutual friends, I was able to get a little bit of closure. Turns out that I was completely left in the dark on a few things (her and this same guy) that leaves me confused/scratching my head, but then again, it's left me with a sense of closure.

 

If you're in a situation similar to mine, please take this bit of advice:

 

...move on...

 

Feel the pain, the anger, the void, the sadness, the emptiness...then heal. Your outcome will be a renewed, refreshed person and attitude.