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tamara78

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Everything posted by tamara78

  1. tamara78
    Well, speaking from a female perspective - yes, the first kiss is important. Of course, if I like a guy I will not decide against dating him because of a mediocre first kiss, but when that first kiss, that first touch of your lips is nice, it does actually mean a lot. The guy I am dating now actually gave me the best first kiss I ever had and I will not be forgetting that in a long time. So, yes, it is important, but should not be taken as a means to judge how the rest of the relationship will go. Us girls appreciate nice kisses as they mean a lot to us, and if a guy knows how to do it, it makes us think he is more in tune with us.
  2. tamara78
    Hey there, yes it happened to me - long distance break up over an e-mail!! We initially lived together and then had an LDR for almost 2 years. He suddenly grew cold and then broke up with me. He insisted that he cared for me, that I was the most important person in his life and wanted to be friends and "talk" about it all. He also added that there was someone else he liked...As soon as I heard, that was it for me - I turned away and never spoke to him again. Well, he also never spoke to me again, and almost 6 months on, I feel no warmth at all towards him. He was a coward , just like your ex. Hate to say this, but I am pretty sure she has met someone else, she is just too afraid to tell you that. She is trying the whole grass is greener thing and probably knows deep down that you are a great catch and that's why she was asking for a chance in a few years' time. My ex would be the same if he was brave enought to talk to me again (so much for wanting to be friends - ha!) What can I say - leave her alone and move on, if she comes back, she will after a lot of time has passed. Focus on yourself and make sure that *you* are on the road to full recivery. You don't owe her anything and you did nothing wrong - her blaming the distance is an excuse to make you feel guilty and for her to feel better about the break up.
  3. tamara78
    Hey Justified - Tamara just met someone else who is wonderful, but it took a lot of time! You are so right - being friends with the ex kept me from moving on for so long, and in the end I just got fed up with the pain and the constant limbo that I was in. My own happiness mattered more to me than being with him. But it took a lot of time for me to come to that realisation and I can understand Nick when he says that its difficult to follow the advice at this stage. There will come a time Nick, when you will feel that you just have to get away from her - you are not there yet because she hasn't hurt you as much as she potentially can - once she does, (and she will), you will reach the same point as I did when I just said, that's it, no more of this bull*hit. I would just say to her: I love and care for you - do you want to be with me - yes, or no. If she says no or starts to send out confusing signals, let her go and disappear. You see, both my and you ex weren't really sure of their decision because they knew what a great catch we are and by remaining friends they are avoiding the consequences of what they know deep down is a stupid decision. Let her live with it - you just keep away and move on.
  4. tamara78
    Hi Nick, I went through the same thing as you - my ex said I was the most wonderful person he had ever met, his best friend, someone who knew him best and whom he trusted the most and needed in his life. He broke up with me because he wanted to play the field but wanted to stay friends - well, the "friends" turned into us breaking up and getting back together a few times and me thinking that we were the loves of each other lives. In the end, he broke up with me cold heartedly saying he'd met someone else. I felt so betrayed - I have done so much for this guy and given him so much love. Don't hang around - she is keeping you there until she finds someone else and then she'll drop you like a hot potato. Tell her you care and then disappear - its the best you can do, for your sake and hers - you will heal and she will get to see what life without you is like. You need to put a distance between yourselves because it is her who has to realise she WANTS to be with you. Anything less than that is no good. Make her feel the consequences of breaking up with the wonderful person that you are - it may take her years to see what a fool she's been, but trust me, she will always be second guessing her decision if she is saying the truth when she says how much you mean to her. Keep strong.
  5. tamara78
    Wow, Juliana, that was fantastic advice and insight...your posts are great.
  6. tamara78
    Oh yes....sweetie, I have gone through the same thing - exactly the same. My ex and I were together for 18 months - the best relationship ever. I loved him so much and really thought I'd found the one. But as time went on, he felt the urge to date other girls, experiment and so on but always maintained that he just KNEW that he would one day regret it very much if he lost me. He was completely torn between continuing to be with me and dating other girls and I knew that he was genuine when he told me these things. I also know to this day that he does care for me. What happened in the end is probably what will happen to you - he ended it with me to date others. I was devastaed but realised immediately that this is simply something that he has to do and that if we are to have any future together, then I have to let him go and hope that he learns his lesson - its the only way honey, otherwise, he will stick with you for another 6 months, but eventually will leave you for another. He IS immature, probably a lot more than you realise. My advice - have a very sincere talk with him, tell him how you feel, try to ascertain as much as you can, what it is that he wants and then just let him go - full NC. He needs to take this raod and learn and it may take a very long time for him to realise what it is that he had (I know of many guys who did this and it took them usually from 1 to 4 years to learn their lesson). He has to do this in order to appreciate you and treat you the way you deserve. Being friends will be too tough on you, so don't go there. Wish you all the best.
  7. tamara78
    Hello my dear lady friends. This is a great post Selfi, so I thought I'd share my story: 1. How long have you been in NC for? Three and a half months. 2. Are you doing it with hopes to get the ex back? (Thruthfullly) Hmmm...at frist I was so hurt that all I wanted was to feel better - I celarly saw the road ahead - I literally visualised this in my mind and thought that I simply must not look back nor contact him. I just wanted to get back on my feet and not suffer anymore. Now I'm feeling a lot better but I do hope that he will come back. One thing though - having done NC for this long has made me realise that there is nothing I can do to get him back - it has to come from him, and for that to happen, he needs to work on himself, which will take time - so full NC steam ahead. 3. When you were on the verge of breaking NC, what strategie/thought process worked on stopping you from doing so? Same sa above - I kept telling myself that if we are ever to work then he is the one that needs to realise a few things on his own and I knew that this requires a lot of time - months - probably years. I also kept saying to myself that he needs to know what life without me is like - that usually worked. And crying too. 4. Do you generally supress your feelings about the break up to those around you? I try to, but my best friend knows the full story and my every down moment. 5. If you have been to counselling, has it helped? No, no conselling for me. Lots of love to all my fellow sufferes. Tamara
  8. tamara78
    Thank you!
  9. tamara78
    True...Oh, darn it, I guess I'm gonna have to wait and see and hope for the best
  10. tamara78
    Shikashika, you made me laugh!! I don't know either! I am a girl but the reason I said that is that I though a straight guy would not send x's at the end of his e-mails to his male friends, so shy would he send them to a girl??
  11. tamara78
    Sorry Scout, - we have met, were friends a while back but never got together because of bad timing...then lost touch and then started e-mailing again...
  12. tamara78
    Yes Maybe once in 10 days
  13. tamara78
    Tough to say, I would have to go thorugh my inbox and check, but I would say once a week, although we do seem to be e-mailing a lot. The longest we have gone without contact is a few weeks but that was because either one of us was away.
  14. tamara78
    Well, it goes like this - I send an e-mail and then that develops into a conversation that lasts for a few days. I said the other day that my mum had to go to hospital and then he would say, let me know tomorrow how she is - so I e-mail him how she is and then we talk some more. Also, I've been away for a bit and then his response is "long time no hear". So I have no idea! And what is it with little x's at the end of e-mails? Is this usual for guys to put at the end of their e-mails? Surely if a guy is straight, he would not send that to his male friends?
  15. tamara78
    I agree with you Lady Bugg, and that's what's bothering me. because he seems sooo keen at times, but yet rarely initiates anything. I am going to let it go for a bit. Thanks Scout - of course, there is nothing wrong in asking, but I am scared of perhaps overstepping the boundaries! I think I am overanalysing this
  16. tamara78
    Yes he has and he sends the occasional flirty e-mail. I know he liked me in the past but I never acted on it because I was in another relationship, and then when I was single, he was seeing someone, so the timing was bad. But that was a long time ago, so not sure if that would still be the case! He has been very helpful too, but I don't know if that's just as friends or if there is hidden meaning behind it too. I can't bring myself to ask if he is seeing anyone, although I do get the feeling that he isn't.
  17. tamara78
    Hi guys, just thought I would get your views on this - I have been in e-mail dialogue with a guy who I like and who lives in another country, where I'd be moving to soon. We have known each other for a while but never got together. I just can't tell whether he is interested in me or not - he rarely initiates e-mails, but goes so far as to exchange 6-7 e-mails with me per day, always responds immediately and puts little x's at the end of the e-mails. Not sure how to play this or gauge if he is interested or not. Your input would be much apprecaited! Thank you..
  18. tamara78
    Hi Chibby, you are definitely not on your own. I am excatly the same as you -a mnoth and a half of NC, I was fine and then - bam - the tears just would not stop over the last few days. I am feeling a bit better now but like you, I was so surprised as to what had suddenly come upon me and why I was feeling so sad all of a sudden. I think we are at the gireving and acceptance stage - which is the worst and most painful stage. But that is good because it means that we are dealing with it on our own and in a healthy way. It will pass - I keep saying this to myself over and over again. I can not wait for the time when I wake up in the morning and he is not there anymore to haunt me...I am counting the days to that morning...I hope it comes soon for all of us. Lots of love to you all.
  19. tamara78
    Slightlybent - thanks for the insight. Yes, it is quite common, but what are we (girls on the receiving end) meant to do? I have encouraged my ex sooo much, he knows that I loved him for who he was and he was perfectly fine for me the way he was. I don't think I, nor anyone else can help him. This is something he has to come to on his own, but when he realises what I have been talking about (i.e. how great our relationship was and that it would be a shame to throw it away for something like this, it will be too late most probably).
  20. tamara78
    Hi Sunflower - I am in an exactly the same situation as you, just a bit further down the line. My ex actually went ahead and left me to pursue the greener grass. He said exact same things as your ex, how much he cared for me, how great I was, how he knew he will never find anyone else that suits him so well - true, but then why leave?! I say let him go, walk away and leave him be - after some time had passed, he will realise what a fool he has been. By then, hopefuly, we willl find someone else who appreciates and loves us. I totally understand how you feel sweeitie, because I feel exactly the same...I cried and cried and cried my eyes out, my heart felt like it would burts because of all the sadness that I was feeling - I felt that there must be something wrong with ME...but there really isn't. There is something wrong with HIM and he will never be able to have a good relationship with anyone whilst he feels like that. It is sad that people are willing to lose someone who loves them and who they are a good match with, just for sex with random girls, but I say, let him go and let him regret it sooo much later in life. regret is a tough thing to live with, but he will regret it. I am sure. PM me if you need to talk.
  21. tamara78
    Oh my Gosh, I nearly fell of my chair when I read this post. This is exactly the same as what my boyfriend (now ex) has done to me. He is also 25 and I am his first serious relationship, although we were together for 2 years and hence he did have time beofre me to experience other girls if he wanted to. He also said he loved me, knew that I was perfect for him, I was his best friend, someone he trusted the most, blah, blah, blah BUT I had more experience then him and he felt he needed to experience more. We broke up a few times but always kept getting back together and our relationship truly was wonderful. In the end, he did what you did, left me cold heartedly to have sex with random girls. I am devastated. We had the same talks as you and your girl did, and I let him go because I realised that I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who feels this way. There is no way he will find another good relationship or anything like him and I had because the relationship or I was not the problem - the problem was him. Everything we shared was perfect, our chemistry was fantastci and it just escapes me that he did this, despite everything we had, to sleep wtih someone who is just so random. And let me tell you this - whilst I understand your rationale, you will find that sex is just sex, it has no meaning without emotion - you will come to your senses within a year or two and then realise you made the biggest mistake of your life. By then she will be gone and you will be left wondering for the rest of your life. Makes me so upset to type this!
  22. tamara78
    Thank you so much. I just feel so hepless and hurt. I want to reach out to him but know that I can not and must not. This is not my first break up and I know that things do get better, but the pain is just too much these last few days...I was kind of hoping that the more I did NC, the better I would feel. Maybe this is just a phase and I'll be fine after a week or so. Please re-assure me that NC is good (I know in my mind that it is but my heart is screaming otherwise)...
  23. tamara78
    I have been doing NC with my ex boyfriend (he broke up with me) for almost 2months now but the last few days have been really tough. Suddenly I can't seem to stop crying and feel much worse now than I did when we broke up. Why?? I feel like I am losing my grip...Please, please let me know if this is normal, I feel so lost. I was doing so weel until a few days ago, but now.... Thank you so much
  24. tamara78
    Hi, I really feel your pain...But how was it that you thought you were back together for 4 months and she didn't? Were you just friends at that time or something more?
  25. tamara78
    Thanks Majord. I agree with you - hence the message to everyone in pain is to think before they act and know that holding back now will help you in the long run by both helping you heal and encouraging your ex to hold you in high esteem.
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