he wants to break up help!!!!

[never_enough]

Hi everyone,

As u can imagine at the moment im a sheer mess. Me and my bf have been together for 1 year and 4 months. We have fights like everyone else and tell each other we want it over in anger but we always appoligise later and we know we dont mean it.

 

Anyway 1 week ago my bf told me that he hasnt been happy in our relationship for a couple of months now and that he wants it over. I asked him what can i do to make him happy and he said there is nothing u can really do its me not you, he told me i was perfect and beautiful and that he just wasnt sure if he still loved me.

 

As u can imagine my heart my thrown out the window as i had no idea this was even coming. We have been thriugh alot together but always get through it. So that night about a week ago he said my mind is made up im sorry and stuff like that he said he wants to be here for me to help me through it because he knows what it feels like to love someone and they break up with u and not speak to u ever again and he said he didnt want to to that to me.

 

As we said our goodbyes he held me and kissed me. Then i asked him plz give us another chance plz make this a break, i proper one ( we have 2 breaks in our realtionship but it never lasts more then 3 days coz we both miss one another too much lol)

 

He said i dont no, I need to think, he kissed me goodbye and said he'll take the day off work tomorrow and come down and spend the day with me to make it easier for me. He came down the next day. We watched movies and we made love, my idea by the way but it was the lovey dovey passionate kind. I asked him later that day about the break and he said i need more time plz.

 

2 days later he gave me an answer. Yes to a break but he's still not sure of the outcome of it so not to get my hopes up. Is this a good sign that he does stilll love me and that he is just confused because at first it was a flat out no, i want to break up. I told him i wanted the break to be no contact what so ever for 2 weeks. And then he said why dont we just make it for a week? and then he started saying ill call u morrow if u want and im like no i want this to work.

 

I love him so much, he has been under so much stress lately. His lease for his house is gonna run out in a month and we were planning to move out together so i have a feeling he might be feeling scared of that as well as his mum has been like really sick she has some illness and he wont talk to me about it coz he's one of those types that doesnt talk about his feelings.

 

Anyway if anyone can give me some insite into this problem please i need it!!.

[annie24]

Hi - I have been in your shoes. (((HUGS)))) it is rough.

 

I think that your best bet is to let him go. Do you really want to be with someone who isn't sure if they love you? that's not the love you have always dreamed of, is it? you want someone who is crazy about you and doesn't have to even think for a second if he wants to be with you or not. And sadly, this guy isn't it.

 

I think your best bet is to go into NC, heal, work on yourself. reassess if this relationship was really right for you. Plus, if you have NC, he may realize he misses you and maybe he will want to get back together. but either way, you will be ahead of the game if you just start to heal.

 

good luck

[melrich]

Take your 2 week break. No contact. Don't see him tomorrow. If he has any doubts they will chrystalise over the 2 weeks. You know sometimes you can actually learn from sitcoms. Now is the time for a pre-emptive strike!

[never_enough]

Yeh but i know he still does love me thats the thing when he first wanted the break up he said he does love me then once we started arguing and such about it he said he will always love me but he doesnt know right now. I know my bf very well and he is very mixed up right now. I no he loves me i know this coz he suggested getting bak together in a month or 2 he just needs time. But i said how do i know ur not just gonna do this agian and he said i wont coz if we do get bak together i will no with my whole heart. He's just confused what can i do to make him see that i am the one for him?

[melrich]

Everyone who breaks up with someone else says "I do still love you and I always will".

 

That is bog standard break up material.

 

Take your 2 week break. Then see where he is at.

[annie24]

Everyone who breaks up with someone else says "I do still love you and I always will".

 

That is bog standard break up material.

 

Take your 2 week break. Then see where he is at.

 

yup. standard material. i've heard that enough times myself.

 

I think the 2 week break is a good idea.

[Rabican]

I dont think it is healthy for you at all to be broken up with your man, and still hanging out with him all day, watching movies making love cooking dinner etc.

 

Hes already gone in his heart, or mind and all this time together is gonna be making it harder for you to move on, and harder to come to grips with the 'its over'

 

I would tell him how you feel, that you love him and you want to make things work out somehow, someway. Then give yourself some time away from him, dont call him, dont be mean to him, just do your own thing without him.. hard as that may be. If you are meant to be he will come back... but be prepared for him not to.

 

Like one of the other posters said, your ideal love would LOVE to be with you, and know that you are the one... he wouldnt be all unsure and need to break up, take breaks etc.

 

Maybe some time apart will be what he needs to say "hey she really is the girl, * * * was I thinking" But maybe not. Either way for right now you need to be prepared that this is the end, and the way to do that is to NOT play house with your boyfriend and pretend everything will be ok.

 

good luck.

[Momene]

I've never bough this "break" thing. You're together or you're not, no half measures. IF you have a break, observe the following rules:

 

1. Agree what the purpose is

 

2. Set a time limit

 

3. Lay ground rules about if you can date anyone else during the break (I advise NO!!)

 

4. Lay down other ground rules about what you can or can't do, such as empty the joint bank account

 

5. Anything other than total honesty is a complete dealbreaker

 

If you can't agree the ground rules, don't have the break or call a ahlt to the whole relationship.

[Dez]

When my ex broke up with me, I was in similiar shoes as you. He didn't think things felt right and he said he felt he needed to be his own man. I tried to plead with him over the course of two weeks for us to give it another shot. He would still call me and text me saying he loved me and missed me, but he would not get back in a relationship with me, I told him that I was going to not talk to him for a couple of weeks to give him time and he said ok, but please dont do it out of spite. Anyways I lasted about a week and then I broke down and tried to contact him, he ended up completely ignoring and would not answer any calls or anything. I was soo distraught. After about a month he started coming around saying that maybe we could talk, and that he realized what a great girl I am. Then I got impatient and started emailing him(telling him all my feelings and stuff) I basically pushed him away again. He didnt talk to me for about two months and now all of a sudden he is reaching out a little bit again...

WHat I learned from my situation and my mistakes is that you have to give them time and let THEM come to you. They made the decision to end it and only they can be the ones to change there minds. It is NOT EASY! I still struggle! But I know inside if he really loves me, he will realize that I am the love of his life and he will come to me and make it very clear that he made a mistake. Until then I have to stay busy and be patient and try to heal. I just don't want you to push your guy away, give him time and space to thing things through and really miss you and realize what you have to offer. Keep posting, stay busy, hang out with friends, read good books, do anything to keep yourself from pushing him away! Best of luck!

[Momene]

I think what many people want to do on a "break" is to explore other options while keeping you in the background. In my view this is a total NO NO. I think you have to make sure that the "break" is on mutually agreed terms.

[Jayar]

I've been through exactly this.... You will get to the point (if he doesn't pollute your thoughts further) that you won't even WANT to be with him because he wasn't sure if he loved you. Honestly, what he says should go in one ear and out the other. His actions are saying "sorry, kiddo! I'm just not that into you... Maybe if I can't find someone else we can have a go of it, at least until I get bored again..."

 

He's not gonna SAY this to you. But he's showing it with everything he's doing. Oh no, wait, he's also saying that while he's not that into you, having sex with you is still better than not having sex at all...