So *THIS* Is How I'm Going To Lose Him!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Evening all,

 

Aside from nasty migraine type symptoms, I'm bumbling along. Nearly a week free of binge eating...yeehaa.

 

Last night, my boyfriend of 11 months mentioned casually in conversation that next year he and one of his best friends he met at university are planning on going travelling (as in a different continent as yet undecided, very possibly Japan or China) for a couple of months next year.

 

*Ahh, that'll be cool*, I say.

 

We keep talking, conversation moves on.

 

 

Then I think about it. REALLY think about it.

 

What chances do I have? As in, realistically? Attractive 22 year old goes travelling with somewhat dubious (I've been labelled *somewhat dubious* myself, I'm attempting to be objective) friend who enjoys casual sex and the like . . . sincerely doubt his ability as a human to be faithful to his boring GF of 1.5 years or whatever back home.

 

There may be some projection going on here. if I were to undertake a similar trip I'd be somewhat scared of my own potential for infidelity.

 

My boyfriend has never given me cause to mistrust him ever, in any way.

 

But he's human.

 

And I'm a realist.

 

I can't stand it. I'm wondering what the Point is if he'll probably just go sleep with a lively girl he meets in some club abroad next year?

 

I can't stand girls who get cheated on...in that I always think *Well, c'mon, she MUST have seen that one coming...* I'm determind not to let that happen to me...I don't GET cheated on. That's not what I'm about.

 

I loathe being in love

[sumguy]

Just because he could do it, doesn't mean he will do it. You need to have more confidence in yourself and more faith in your boyfriend - I mean, he didn't just stay with you the last 11 months for expletives and giggles now did he? Obviously he likes you a lot.

[renaissancewoman101]

Anti-Love, I dont think your boyfriend is going to cheat on you while he goes on this trip. So far he has been loyal to you and been by your side through thick and thin. He's proven himself and has not given you any suggestion that he may cheat on you. Have some faith in him. He seems like a really nice guy. But I do understand how you feel since, as you said once before, you have cheated before, so then you suspect others can act that way too. It's hard to trust people, but if there is no trust, then what is there. Distrust is not a good way to live life.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Good responses/True...Sod's Law or something tells me the minute you believe in something, it gets snatched away.

 

Or maybe that's my own life experience!

 

Cheers

[neva_black_n_white]

sometimes, tempting fate causes situations which would otherwise not happen. i know that tempting, considering or even suggesting something such as this can alter the way you later behave. so dont let those alterations be the result of anything negative,

 

sometimes with love, comes a whole lot of insecurities. when loving someone you can become your weakest. maybe its because your exposed so much. BUT you should, at the same time, feel safe being exposed to them.

 

if he doesnt give you any reason not to trust him, dont create your own scenarios now. as hard as that may be!

 

trust me, i know what your going through, im quite the analyst. but just step away from analysing for now

[Dako]

He may be looking forward to sharing his travels with his sweetie. Not every guy is a cheater, especially if they have a good thing going on back home. Even good-looking guys have been known to go at least 60 days without sex.

You could look it up.

[justpaisley]

There may be some projection going on here. if I were to undertake a similar trip I'd be somewhat scared of my own potential for infidelity.

 

Do YOU think you'll do something while he's away, and that's why you think he'll do something? If so, look at your next statement:

 

My boyfriend has never given me cause to mistrust him ever, in any way.

 

So why stop trusting him now?

 

But he's human.

That's right. He's human, not an animal. Humans posess the capability to not hump everything in sight. What do you think will happen if either of you are rendered unable to have sex for a period of time? For example, if you were sick? Do you automatically think he'll cheat on you then, because he's human? Humans CAN go without sex, attractive or not - it's part of what separates us from animals. That, and all the hair.

 

I can't stand girls who get cheated on...

It's not their faults.

 

I loathe being in love

Sucks being vulnerable, doesn't it? I had a hard time with being married at first because it opened me up to a world of pain. If he died, my world would come crashing down. For that reason, I got a little obsessive, calling him constantly, making sure I knew all of our financial matters... I realized eventually that I had to relax, and worrying about something would not make it not happen. I think you need to realize the same thing. Obsessing over your boyfriend cheating from now until his trip will not make it not happen, rather, it will result in breakdown of trust between you two. If he's never given you a reason to mistrust him, don't start now.

[ForAnother]

Do you write screenplays? I love the way you write.

 

I agree with you 100% in your visions of him... as a human. I too am a realist and understand that people work in strange ways. Some people seem harmless, yet turn out to be what you didn't expect... its just so easy to take the turn for the worse... than to be a good boy/girl.

 

I had a GF in highschool, I was about to go off to college.... we both knew it would end. In fact because of that we got into a lot of arguments about it and in turn we broke up well before I left. So what Im saying is, if you avoid the 13th step because it is bound to make you trip, what keeps you from slipping on the 12th since you aimed skip the 13th? (jesus I can't word that to sound good but Im sure you get the idea of superstition and the coincidences of doing something to avoid superstition which in reality is the reason you get hurt).

 

Anyways, I'd say go off on your own, and figure it out on your own. I'd say I want you to free all ties and enjoy your vacation, cuz i too will do the same.

 

-ForAnother

[Day_Walker]

You know if you really want to be a realist then who is to say that you will even be together by the time he takes this trip?

 

The problem is that you are getting ahead of yourself. If it just happens that he does cheat then he does and you cry and move on. Relationships arent perfect and you get your heart broken, that is just what happens and it is a part of life. People tend to forget that dating is a process of finding a partner that has the same goals for the relationship as you aka wont cheat.

[NJRon]

Projection is nasty... you are stereotyping someone else based upon what *you* would do given the situation... look at that first.

 

Is he into asian women?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

No...in actual fact, he has said on a couple of occasions he dislikes Oriental face shapes.

 

 

I have too much time to think, I'll go back to studying religion.

[Proactive Paradigm]

Hah, from what I saw of Tokyo's.... special women (you just think the schoolgirls uniform is some dork thing.... alas, no) you have nothing to worry about. Especially based on the new av. ;o

 

Anyways, why not go with? Asia's a pretty fun adventure, and it isn't actually that expensive if you play it right. Unless you have a third wheel thought going on. If your guy loves you the mostest, surely he wouldn't mind you going with. He might even suggest it. If there's an issue with timing or college or whatever, try to work around it. Make it some life goal - I find those sometimes take your mind of stupid **** like what we deal with... if only for a few fleeting moments. Also in Japan Land (I have no other reference point) the people on the street are pretty nonplussed by Western behaviour, even of the... extreme kind. In fact, they try to help. How do I know? Er... lets just say 'cause I do...

 

(Uh, no offence, of course... ;o)

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Lol, I don't think I'd want to go and feel terrible with lots of slim Japanese women walking around, etc.

 

He may not like them, but I do.

 

ANYWAY....thank you for the response!