stupid me, found out he moved and now I'm sad......

[moonflowers]

Moonflowers: You are so strong. I am so so weak.

I just called him ( I had to "private call" to even have a chance of him picking up) and he didn't pick up. I didn't leave a message. The last time I contacted him was via email July 23 and the last time I spoke to him was the last week in June which was after 1 month of forced NC.

 

I feel like crap. He has someone else. The girl who I suspected him of being with changed her myspace status from "single" to " in a relationship." Why the heck did I look at that page and why oh why did I call him?

 

I wonder if he will know it was me......

When he and I were together, one of the girls he cheated on me with used to call him "private number."

I feel so so bad

 

Oh man... no, I wasn't always this strong. I guess I didn't clarify enough that I've been able to maintain a clean NC only after I found out about my ex seeing someone new around 4 months after our relationship ended. During the first three months after the breakup, we were still in sporadic contact, and I admit I've done stupid things like go up to his room in the dorm we were both living in and just plunk myself down and cry. (I usually didn't mean to cry, but the tears would come on their own.)

 

I was really bad at NC for the first two months or so, but by the third month I could do it for about 15 days at a time. It doesn't mean I don't do stupid things to myself, though. For a while I was torturing myself by checking his Facebook page, seeing the "in a relationship" followed by some new name that wasn't mine, looking at all the pics of him and his new girl. Why oh why did I do that? I don't know. I ended up having to block him on Facebook because it wasn't doing me any good, for sure.

 

Bluegal, it sounds like your ex was not exactly the most faithful of partners out there, if he's cheated on you before. Thus, while it most definitely hurts now, it's very likely that not being with him is good for you in the long run. You sound like a loving and devoted person, and you don't deserve to be stuck with someone who can't treat you with that kind of consideration in return.

 

I figured out somewhere that there may even be a benefit, a reason, for the pain - if we're in a comfy situation, we won't feel the need to change, but if we are in pain, the pain forces us to want to change to get out of it. The pain you and I are going through is what's forcing us to let go of our attachments to unhealthy relationships and men who might not be the best for us. I wholeheartedly wish you and I and all the other folks on enotalone didn't have to feel it. But it's the only way we will ever let go of the strong bonds we have to people who aren't good for us.

 

Hang in there and have faith in yourself. You are probably a lot stronger than you think you are - after all, you managed 1 month of NC, and you haven't e-mailed him for over a month and a half already. Best wishes!

[skyjuice]

Hi Bluegal,

 

I know it would be hard as you still miss him, but you really need to get him out of your system. The reason is because he could not stand firm on himself to fight for you and he cheated on you before.

 

Cheating is really a deal breaker for me.

 

Stay strong Bluegal. And don't look at his My space, it would not do you any good. I hope you would continue heal until you come out from this relationship.

[bluegal79]

Thank you Guest and Moonflowers for your words of support.

 

I have my weekly therapy appt. today so I have lots to discuss with her, lol!

*Sigh* It hurts to be forgotten, but if they can forget so easily they didn't deserve us anyway.