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stupid me, found out he moved and now I'm sad......


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This morning I was wondering if my ex got into a graduate program he was wait-listed for since I knew the program was scheduled to start this week.

I know I shouldn't have gone and searched for anything related to him, but of course, like an idiot I did.

 

I had been doing ok, still sad and crying occasionally, but I was healing. I have been telling myself this whole week, "He doesn't care about you at all, so don't care about him anymore." I dreamed about him last night, so I gave into temptation and started to wonder about him.

 

All it took was going to the university's website and searching the student directory. Sure enough, he is now listed as a student. I immediately thought, "Good for him," but then I burst into tears when I realized he didn't even text, phone, or email a goodbye. The university is 5 hours away from here ( we lived in the same town).

 

Really, what did I expect? He never said goodbye to me when he left me either. This is the man who had his mother dump me by email after he was abusive to me and she changed his number as soon as she sent the email. I saw him 10 days ago at the gym and he glared angrily at me and I just ignored his presense.

 

It has been 3 months ( this past Wed. and also would have been our anniversary) since he dumped me and broke our engagement. We were together 2 years.

 

Learn from me... don't go searching for info about your ex, it could burn you and make you feel like you took 2 huge steps back in the healing process.

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Bluegal - I think it's normal that you wondered and eventually gave into the temptation to search for him in the directory. It hurts because it's a confirmation that he's moving on without you in consideration. If he walked away from your relationship without even saying goodbye, he has what I think is a serious problem with compassion and fairness.

 

Everybody needs closure. You definitely haven't had closure in this situation. Search your soul and find a way to get that closure. Write a letter to him and store it somewhere or even send it to him. Whatever you do, don't let him go back and forth (come and go.)

 

I had an ex that continuously came in and out of my life. We'd be together talking about marriage one day and the next he'd ignore me completely. I never thought I'd get over that pain. The last time he came over, I told him it was completely over - that I had gained strength and I'd never fall for him again. I seen him last week, passed him on the road. I felt nothing. It felt great! My point is it will get easier... You will be okay and stronger and happier eventually!

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Hugs, Bluegal79,

 

I think it's only normal to have these types of setbacks, especially in the beginning.

 

Just be assured that there will be a day when you feel better. I think that cutting any contact and removing reminders of him would be a good thing for you right now.

 

Also realize that you deserve better.

 

It's not what happens to us in life that defines us, but it's how we handle/deal with those things.

 

It will get better.

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I had an ex that continuously came in and out of my life. We'd be together talking about marriage one day and the next he'd ignore me completely. I never thought I'd get over that pain. The last time he came over, I told him it was completely over - that I had gained strength and I'd never fall for him again. I seen him last week, passed him on the road. I felt nothing. It felt great! My point is it will get easier... You will be okay and stronger and happier eventually!

 

I'mThatGirl: Thank you for your kind words.

I think you are very strong and you don't deserve how your ex treated you!

I look forward to the day when I can feel neutral and non emotional about my ex also.

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Hugs, Bluegal79,

 

Also realize that you deserve better.

 

It's not what happens to us in life that defines us, but it's how we handle/deal with those things.

 

It will get better.

 

hosswhispra: Thank you for the hugs!

He ( his mother) obviously forced NC from the beginning by changing his number. The last time I emailed him was 39 days ago and I thought it was a nice email ( no begging or pleading, just wishing him well) and he never responded. I haven't contacted him since then. At least I won't run into him at the gym anymore now that he moved.

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Hey Bluegal,

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all do it, and we all know better than to do it. It happens, and we sometimes just have to go through the pain until we learn.

Hang in there, you are going to get through this.

 

((HUGS))

 

Hope75: Thank you for the hugs and kind words.

 

What hurts even more, is that he told me the last time I spoke with him he told me I never helped him further his professional or academic career. Who do you think found the program he got acccepted to and helped him fill out the majority of his application,prepare the admissions essay and study for the GRE? Yes, that would be me. His parents told him he needed to accept the fact he would probably be rejected and give up the dream.

 

I had also helped him get a better job at the company he worked for because I saw the opening online and told him I thought he would be great for the position. He said he didn't think they would consider him, put he would try and he got the job.

 

Oh well, at least how know how insensitive and coldhearted he really is.

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He never said goodbye to me when he left me either. This is the man who had his mother dump me by email after he was abusive to me and she changed his number as soon as she sent the email.

 

Hi

 

My recent ex did not said good bye either. And he broke up with me because his parents are opposing of us.

 

Some adult does not grow up and will forever be the parents children.

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Hey Bluegal-

I did the same stupid thing time and time again- when i first ended my engagement i wanted to see if he went back to his ex....and sure enough he did.... boy was i crushed.

 

btw- he had his Mother send you email to break up with you?

 

 

HealingHandsWarmHeart: I'm so sorry you had to find out about you ex going back to his ex. How can some people proclaim their love one day and then turn off those feelings the next?

 

He did have his mother break up with me via an email. I couldn't believe it, he is 27 years old. I have the email and maybe I will post it one day.

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Hi

My recent ex did not said good bye either. And he broke up with me because his parents are opposing of us.

 

Some adult does not grow up and will forever be the parents children.

 

Guest: I am so sorry for what you have gone through.

I am sure his parents were the masterminds of our breakup also and guided him through the steps. If you ever need to vent, PM me. ((Hugs))

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Hi

 

OMG! and I am glad that you are not together with him anymore.

 

Imagine yourself living with a husband who would seek permission from his parents on what kind of house, car or lifestyle he ought to have and which school should your children attend....

 

Then you will thank god for this break up.

 

Thank you for your offer, bluegal. You are very kind...I am venting now....

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I'mThatGirl: Thank you for your kind words.

I think you are very strong and you don't deserve how your ex treated you!

I look forward to the day when I can feel neutral and non emotional about my ex also.

 

I was not always so strong.

 

That guy's family didn't like me or him being with me. I "took him away from them." (Their views.) Several times I came home after work and everything was gone. All of his things. Talk about a blow! He eventually bought me a ring and "proposed." I think I truly knew it wouldn't happen but wore the ring anyway. He told me 30 days later that he changed his mind and came to my work to get the ring so he could get a refund.

 

I was an absolute mess. For about 2 years, I couldn't handle being in a relationship bec I felt vulnerable. I now feel like I have to know what to expect. I want dating to be guaranteed which is impossible. Even when I dated, I was an anxious mess thinking the person could change their mind and that what I did might not be good enough that they would leave.

 

I know it's hard to imagine now but count your blessings. It will get so much better and one day you'll remember him as the guy that had no backbone.

 

Is his family financing his schooling by chance?

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Hey Blue,

I had a thought, maybe he had his mother email you that he got into the school...but she hasn't gotten around to it yet?

 

Sigh, a little humor...

 

I have NO idea how people can change their emotions so quickly. My theory is that the feelings don't change, they were probably never there.

 

HealingHandsWarmHeart: Lol, yes maybe his mother hasn't gotten around to it yet.

 

I think your theory is correct. Maybe our ex's just loved having someone love them, but never really had the feelings to begin with.

 

 

I was just telling my brother last night that my ex (and probably most everyone's ex on here) should win an Academy Award for his acting and convincing me that he loved me with his proclamations of love and how he couldn't live without me and how he cried with real tears the last time I saw him.

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Hi

OMG! and I am glad that you are not together with him anymore.

 

Imagine yourself living with a husband who would seek permission from his parents on what kind of house, car or lifestyle he ought to have and which school should your children attend....

 

Then you will thank god for this break up.

 

Guest: That is what my parent's tell me. His parents would get upset with us because he and I would attend church service at my local church ( 5 minutes away), instead of driving 25 minutes to attend their church.

My father says, " I know it is hard, but see this as a gift. Why would you want a man who probably has to consult with his mother daily on how to wipe his bottom......"

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I was not always so strong.

That guy's family didn't like me or him being with me. I "took him away from them." (Their views.)

 

I was an absolute mess. For about 2 years, I couldn't handle being in a relationship bec I felt vulnerable. I now feel like I have to know what to expect. I want dating to be guaranteed which is impossible. Even when I dated, I was an anxious mess thinking the person could change their mind and that what I did might not be good enough that they would leave.

 

Is his family financing his schooling by chance?

 

I'mThatGirl: Oh my, I'm so sorry you went through all of that!

I can't believe he did that to you!! What a jerk! You deserve so much better!

 

Your ex sounds like might have the same family as my ex! Once his parents figured out he was serious with me, they stopped being so nice. They didn't like me either ( they could never give a good reason) and they felt I was "taking him away." His mother even said, " I lost one son to death, I am not losing another to her."

 

My ex saved up for a year to buy the ring and I went with him to pick it out and everything. I still have the ring. I offered it back to him in 2 emails and in the one phone call we had 1 month after the breakup, but he never responded and ignored my question on the phone so I kept it.

 

I have been in therapy weekly since he dumped me, but I know I will not be ready to date anytime soon. I just want to work on getting myself better, but I also have that fear of someone else coming along and then changing their mind like he did.

 

His family was not going to pay for his schooling. As my therpist pointed out, their love was conditional to him. His mother was alot nicer to him when he didn't spend alot of time with me. Now that I am out of the picture, it would make sense that they told him to forget about the loans and they will pick up his tuition and living costs. I guess they offered him some sort of consolation prize for removing me from his life.

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Hi Bluegal,

 

When reading your description of your ex in this and other threads, objectively I'd say that you are better off to NOT have him or his family around. He does sound a bit odd, I'm sure there are others who appreciate you more.

 

I understand that seeing the ex "move on" can be hard. It did get to me, but now I understand that things go on and I can't affect always them. The only thing I can affect is my thinking and I try to see temporary setbacks as positive things in life now.

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Hi Bluegal,

I understand that seeing the ex "move on" can be hard. It did get to me, but now I understand that things go on and I can't affect always them. The only thing I can affect is my thinking and I try to see temporary setbacks as positive things in life now.

 

Speedway: Thank you for the advice. It is hard seeing them move on and it feels like confirmation that you have been "forgotten."

It is his life though and his choices and the only thing I can control is myself.

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Man, bluegal, I know exactly what you were going through. I thought I was doing okay, until I found out the other day that my ex won't be joining me here at grad school, and didn't even bother telling me about it. I feel like he's trying to stay as far away from me as he can.

 

I also felt horrible because I thought I was being "forgotten" too, but the truth is that even dumpers usually never forget their exes. If he didn't still care about you in some way or another, he wouldn't have been mad when he saw you, just indifferent. He's only human, and if he's got any emotions at all, he won't be able to really forget you "Eternal Sunshine"-style.

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Moonflowers: I am so sorry you are going through the same thing.

Sending you ((Hugs))! It hurts so badly that ex's of ours are able to discard us like a used toy and pretend we don't exist or have feelings.

 

I would like to think my ex cares about me in some way, but the reality is that I don't think he does at all, except to hate me. He blames me for everything bad that has ever happened in his life, even things from before he met me ( he is not the most mentally stable person and I think a narcissist) and things he did to me by his own choice. Plus, his mother ( and rest of family) decided they didn't like me because I was "taking him away" so I am sure that they tell him lots of negative things about me to make sure he continues to stay away.

 

I was his first serious girlfriend ( 2 years together) and we were engaged. He had never dated anyone longer than 2 or 3 months before me. I am not a guy, but I would think he would think of me still after our history. With him, who knows though. Also, if he has someone new he is thinking of them and not me.

 

I'm sure your ex is thinking of you also and maybe he doesn't want to be in the same program as you because he still has feelings for you and wouldn't be able to concentrate on his studies if you are in his classes.

 

Did he break up with you or did you break up with him?

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Thanks for the hugs. Here's some for you, too. *hugs* Hang in there.

 

Well... the opposite of love isn't hatred, it's indifference - so if your ex is still mad enough at you to hate you, well, he does care, it's just in a very different way. The fact that you can rile him up still means that you still matter to him, even if it's negative. It's hard to forget someone you're mad at, right?

 

My ex left me. He's with someone new now, someone he met 4 months after our breakup, so maybe that's his main reason for not coming back to school - he probably wants to be able to spend more time with her. He hasn't ever made a move to contact me since our breakup, and I've been keeping up my end of the NC. At this point I have no idea whether he misses me or not, but judging by what other dumpers have written, it's very likely he does, but really shouldn't be expressing it, what with the new girl and all.

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Moonflowers: You are so strong. I am so so weak.

I just called him ( I had to "private call" to even have a chance of him picking up) and he didn't pick up. I didn't leave a message. The last time I contacted him was via email July 23 and the last time I spoke to him was the last week in June which was after 1 month of forced NC.

 

I feel like crap. He has someone else. The girl who I suspected him of being with changed her myspace status from "single" to " in a relationship." Why the heck did I look at that page and why oh why did I call him?

 

I wonder if he will know it was me......

When he and I were together, one of the girls he cheated on me with used to call him "private number."

I feel so so bad

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Awww Bluegal,

 

 

((HUGS)) Sounds like you had a tough day.

 

You've got to try and stop snooping around trying to find out what's up in his life though. You've got your own life on hold while you desperately try to investigate his... and how much fun is that?

 

You deserve to be happy with your life too.... don't let some guy ruin that for you.

 

Chin up, sister, you will get through this!

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Thanks Hope75.

 

You are right. I can't do this to myself. Most of the time I do ok and I think I don't want to know anything about someone who treated me like this, and who doesn't care about me at all. Other days, I think about him alot.

 

On myspace, by sheer coincidence, one of the people I have listed as a friend has the new girlfriend listed as a friend because they went to the same high school. I am going to delete my friend ( she is only a casual friend) so I don't look at her page and see my ex's new girl in her "top 16" friends to reduce temptation of clicking to look at her page.

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