Am I forgetting anything before I go?

[Krosis]

1 1/2 and 3 years old. Marlena...they have so much more growing up to do!

 

I can't imagine growing up without my mother. And if you were to kill yourself right now, or even in a few days, they wouldn't remember you. Your three year old MIGHT remember an image or so in there memory, but that's it. Do you really want that?

 

All they would have is pictures, and home movies. And one movie in particular saying that there mother is going to kill herself. Now you know, I know, and everyone else here knows that movie would stick out like a sore thumb, and when someone mentioned there mother (you) THAT'S what they would remember.

 

There mother on TV, saying she's going to end her life. I know you don't want that. They're still babies Marlena, enjoy your life, as well as theres while you still can!

[melrich]

They sound like beautiful children. You sound like you are a beautiful family.

[rose2summer]

Those are adorable names!

 

I bet you were the happiest woman alive when Debra and Mary were born.

 

Think back to that day Marlena,

 

To the day they were born,

 

Remember the joys they bring you.

 

Do you celebrate Christmas?

 

If so, do you have any fond Christmas memories?

[marlenasmith7]

You know marlena, I found that my faith brought me to that comfortable place in my life where I could handle the demands and pressures that life placed on me. I tried a couple of different therapists, but settled on a christian counselor that I found was able to get through to me in ways other therapists could not.

 

I do not push faith on anyone that doesn't want it, but I wanted to at least suggest it as an option.

 

Thanks for the suggestion, but I am not religious at all.

I do not believe in any god or anything.

I appreciate the thought, though.

[blender]

Marlena, You have tried so hard to overcome this depression and you will, one day at a time... my brother has MS and is only in his late thirties, and he too wanted to end it all... he can't even turn a doorknob on his own anymore, and he's tried all kind of meds, and he is always "sad"... and he feels as if he is a "burden"... but if he killed himself, I could not breathe, or ever be happy... he would never do this to us, his family, he just wouldn't... even though each day is filled with pain for him, he chooses US over himself... he chooses the happiness of my nieces and nephews, over himself, he is a hero and so are you, having lived with your depression all this time, you are special, amazing and a fighter, keep up the fight...live for each smile from your children..even if it's once in awhile, it's a "moment of choosing life".... you are going to make it Marlena, you will, one day at a time....

[marlenasmith7]

1 1/2 and 3 years old. Marlena...they have so much more growing up to do!

 

I can't imagine growing up without my mother. And if you were to kill yourself right now, or even in a few days, they wouldn't remember you. Your three year old MIGHT remember an image or so in there memory, but that's it. Do you really want that?

 

All they would have is pictures, and home movies. And one movie in particular saying that there mother is going to kill herself. Now you know, I know, and everyone else here knows that movie would stick out like a sore thumb, and when someone mentioned there mother (you) THAT'S what they would remember.

 

There mother on TV, saying she's going to end her life. I know you don't want that. They're still babies Marlena, enjoy your life, as well as theres while you still can!

 

I, honestly, did not think about my children only remembering the video. I was only thinking that I want to make sure they know that I love them and did this to make them have better lives. I guess I have a little more thinking to do. I would never want to have that be the only image in their little heads.

[marlenasmith7]

Those are adorable names!

 

I bet you were the happiest woman alive when Debra and Mary were born.

 

Think back to that day Marlena,

 

To the day they were born,

 

Remember the joys they bring you.

 

Do you celebrate Christmas?

 

If so, do you have any fond Christmas memories?

I was beaming with pride when they were born. I was so incredibly happy.

Yes, we celebrate Christmas. This past Christmas was the most memorable because my daughter said "i yub you" for the first time the day after Christmas.

[avman]

Thanks for the suggestion, but I am not religious at all.

I do not believe in any god or anything.

I appreciate the thought, though.

 

Ok. Not a problem.

 

It does sound like you have a good husband and you have wonderful children. I bet the one thing they really want is for you to feel better too so that you can enjoy life with them as much as possible.

 

I see you mentioned you are afraid to talk to your husband about this but I really strongly suggest that you do. He will want nothing more than to help you in whatever way he can. If that means some inpatient care, then there is nothing wrong with that at all. After all, when our physical health deteriorates we go to the hospital. It is no different when our mental health is giving us trouble.

[rose2summer]

To be honest marlena, the image they will hold,

 

Will be of you actually killing yourself,

 

When my friend committed suicide,

 

I kept passing the image in my head,

 

Of his foot hitting the accelerator,

 

Driving off the cliff and his head hitting the windshield,

 

As humans, we cannot do anything but ingrain,

 

The trauma of the event in our heads forever,

 

Your daughters would visualize you hurting yourself,

 

They would remember that event and replay it again and again.

[Krosis]

Yes! You have no idea how big of a smile I got from just hearing (or reading) those words. "I guess I have a little more thinking to do." I'm sure everyone agrees with me.

 

Please, don't give up. And I mean it when I say if there is ANYTHING I can do to help you in anyway overcome this pain, please tell me!

 

Through this hour and a half of replying, I feel like I have grown to know you, like you're not some distant stranger, but a friend of mine that's in trouble.

 

I love my friends with everything I have, that includes you.

[rose2summer]

I was beaming with pride when they were born. I was so incredibly happy.

Yes, we celebrate Christmas. This past Christmas was the most memorable because my daughter said "i yub you" for the first time the day after Christmas.

 

What about birthdays?

 

Do you have any fond birthday memories?

[avman]

Yes! You have no idea how big of a smile I got from just hearing (or reading) those words. "I guess I have a little more thinking to do." I'm sure everyone agrees with me.

 

I completely agree. I too am very happy to hear you say this.

[marlenasmith7]

Ok. Not a problem.

After all, when our physical health deteriorates we go to the hospital. It is no different when our mental health is giving us trouble.

 

I know, but I have been before and it was not that great. There is no human contact, they don't talk to you, you are just left there to sit and think.

I could NEVER go back to the mental hospital.

[rose2summer]

Marlena,

 

You seem to be so proud of a mother,

 

You have so much to offer your daughters,

 

Your love, companionship, role model, everything,

 

I am, in addition to everyone else on here,

 

So happy and proud of you that you are rethinking things,

 

High five sister!

 

Love,

 

Rose

[marlenasmith7]

Yes! You have no idea how big of a smile I got from just hearing (or reading) those words. "I guess I have a little more thinking to do." I'm sure everyone agrees with me.

 

Please, don't give up. And I mean it when I say if there is ANYTHING I can do to help you in anyway overcome this pain, please tell me!

 

Through this hour and a half of replying, I feel like I have grown to know you, like you're not some distant stranger, but a friend of mine that's in trouble.

 

I love my friends with everything I have, that includes you.

 

Ok, so your profile says you are 15?! If this is true, how have you become so wise?!

You are very sweet and I really appreciate it.

I know that I have to do some real soul searching and thinking about my family before I do anything in a few days.

[avman]

I know, but I have been before and it was not that great. There is no human contact, they don't talk to you, you are just left there to sit and think.

I could NEVER go back to the mental hospital.

 

Perhaps try a different hospital. We've got varying degrees of hospitals here too. There are a few I wouldn't go to even if I only had a hangnail. There are others that would be at the top of my list if I needed cancer treatment, open heart surgery, and so on.

 

Sometimes rather than a general hospital there are private inpatient treatment centers that might be more appropriate and give you more considerate and compassionate care.

 

Edit: If you'd like me to check into some centers in your area just let me know.

[marlenasmith7]

I guess I just needed someone to remind me of how much I am risking by taking my own life.

I know that I may feel like this again, but you all are so wonderful! I mean that!

I have never been able to be honest about it and never had so many people point out so many things that I never gave a thought about.

Thank you all!

[Krosis]

Hehe, yes I'm only 15 years old. I'm not sure how I've been "so wise". Though I really do appreciate the kind words.

 

 

 

But my offer still stands, if you need to contact me I'm pretty much on Yahoo, as well as MSN all day. Minus school and sleeping.

 

Yahoo - email removed

MSN - email removed

 

I hope to hear from you some time Marlena.

[marlenasmith7]

Hehe, yes I'm only 15 years old. I'm not sure how I've been "so wise". Though I really do appreciate the kind words.

 

 

 

But my offer still stands, if you need to contact me I'm pretty much on Yahoo, as well as MSN all day. Minus school and sleeping.

 

Yahoo - email removed

MSN - email removed

 

I hope to hear from you some time Marlena.

 

No, No, THANK YOU!

[rose2summer]

Do you have yahoo messenger marlena?

 

Edit to add: Marlena, we want to provide an avenue and support for you.

 

Please know that we really care.

[marlenasmith7]

Do you have yahoo messenger marlena?

No I sure don't. I am not very good with that kind of stuff. I just type and click.

[marlenasmith7]

Do you have yahoo messenger marlena?

 

Edit to add: Marlena, we want to provide an avenue and support for you.

 

Please know that we really care.

 

I appreciate that very much.

I can give you my email email removed

I can tell by the responses that you all care. It is very touching to my heart to know that there are people like you out there!

[rose2summer]

Well, I can understand that,

 

I just joined a messenger service,

 

But there are always people here,

 

Who care about you,

 

And we are exceedingly proud of how strong you are,

 

You are on the road to recovery.

 

My email is email removed

 

Email me anytime, I check many times during the day.

[marlenasmith7]

You all have made me think a lot about what matters the most. You have pointed out some very important things that I had not thought about.

You have made me realize that life is not just about what I want for myself, but what I want for my family.

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for helping me see that I need to find a way to get some sort of help so that I can provide a stable, healthy and loving environment for my beautiful children and wonderful husband!

[PRSOV]

Hi Marlena,

 

Rock star Tom DeLonge once said "Life never gets so bad you have to end it"

 

I concur.

 

Please do not take this irriversible step, your family will never live in peace again or be able to live stabily.