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marlenasmith7

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Everything posted by marlenasmith7

  1. marlenasmith7
    Yes, of course I remember.
  2. marlenasmith7
    Oh gosh, please don't do anything! It would be a tragedy. Think about your family and friends! You don't want to do this. Please come back to us. We can help if you will just allow us. Marlena
  3. marlenasmith7
    Thank you. I thing that the way you worded it is perfect. I was trying to think of a way to approach the situation and just couldn't for the words.
  4. marlenasmith7
    Staying is not the easiest thing. I can't lie, my thoughts are still very present. However, I am really trying to keep my children and husband in my thoughts at all times for it is them that are important. I have yet to talk with my husband as I fear what he may say or do, but I plan on doing it as soon as I can gain the courage to do so. Thank you for the kind words, Marlena
  5. marlenasmith7
    I am doing a little better thanks. I keep my family in my thoughts when I start having those bad thoughts again. I am really glad I was able to post on here and get some help that I didn't think I needed! Marlena
  6. marlenasmith7
    Well, I was in your position just last night. I was ready to go. I had a plan and everything, but then I met some really wonderful people here that helped me look at more in my life besides myself. You have to live for the people that care about you. For me, I didn't care if people called me selfish or whatever, but when they started pointing out that my family would be crushed and my children would never be the same, I had a realization that I want to be a survivor and not a statistic. It is up to you to look at your life in another way. Do you have family that cares for you? How would they feel if you killed yourself? Do you think that they could just forget about you? Do you have children? If so, how would they react to you giving up on your life? Would you want your family to feel guilt thinking that they could've/should've done something? I know that life is hard, believe me, but it is taking it one day at a time that is important. I am not saying that I no longer have the thoughts, but the thought that is first and formost is my children and husband. There are many of people here that want to help if you let them. If you just need to vent, that's good too. Please be safe and let me know if I can do anything to help. Marlena
  7. marlenasmith7
    I am sorry for your loss and how tough it has been. Hearing your story makes me want to stay for my family. I will take that "me time" to try to make my life better. You are right, I would love to hear my babies say those words. I feel truly cared for from all the posts and friends I have made here. Marlena
  8. marlenasmith7
    Thanks, I tried to PM and Email you, but no luck. It says I don't have permission to PM and the email says "Sorry! That user has specified that they do not wish to receive emails." I will say thank you for the supports. I will continue to come here and view/post as needed. Looking through some of the posts I am noticing that I am not alone and there are many others in similar boats. Thanks again, Marlena
  9. marlenasmith7
    Tim, I watched on Youtube and you and she look so happy. You two are adorable! Who cares what other people say about you and she, if you are happy, then that is all that matters. Being in school is tough and growing up can be tougher, but who of those in school are going to be there after graduation? I know that after i left high school I only kept in touch with about 2 people out of our entire group of friends (about 30). Just make YOU happy and not them!
  10. marlenasmith7
    You all have made me think a lot about what matters the most. You have pointed out some very important things that I had not thought about. You have made me realize that life is not just about what I want for myself, but what I want for my family. I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for helping me see that I need to find a way to get some sort of help so that I can provide a stable, healthy and loving environment for my beautiful children and wonderful husband!
  11. marlenasmith7
    I appreciate that very much. I can give you my email email removed I can tell by the responses that you all care. It is very touching to my heart to know that there are people like you out there!
  12. marlenasmith7
    No I sure don't. I am not very good with that kind of stuff. I just type and click.
  13. marlenasmith7
  14. marlenasmith7
    I guess I just needed someone to remind me of how much I am risking by taking my own life. I know that I may feel like this again, but you all are so wonderful! I mean that! I have never been able to be honest about it and never had so many people point out so many things that I never gave a thought about. Thank you all!
  15. marlenasmith7
    Ok, so your profile says you are 15?! If this is true, how have you become so wise?! You are very sweet and I really appreciate it. I know that I have to do some real soul searching and thinking about my family before I do anything in a few days.
  16. marlenasmith7
    I know, but I have been before and it was not that great. There is no human contact, they don't talk to you, you are just left there to sit and think. I could NEVER go back to the mental hospital.
  17. marlenasmith7
    I was beaming with pride when they were born. I was so incredibly happy. Yes, we celebrate Christmas. This past Christmas was the most memorable because my daughter said "i yub you" for the first time the day after Christmas.
  18. marlenasmith7
    I, honestly, did not think about my children only remembering the video. I was only thinking that I want to make sure they know that I love them and did this to make them have better lives. I guess I have a little more thinking to do. I would never want to have that be the only image in their little heads.
  19. marlenasmith7
    Thanks for the suggestion, but I am not religious at all. I do not believe in any god or anything. I appreciate the thought, though.
  20. marlenasmith7
  21. marlenasmith7
    They are 1 1/2 and 3 years old
  22. marlenasmith7
    I know that my experience is not the worst and I am not using my past as an excuse. I cannot tell anyone why I am feeling like crap all the time, why i cry all the time. I guess that is the problem, I just feel like my soul is gone. The only thing I care about is my babies and husband. Nothing else! I would not want my children to get that message at all. I don't want to give them that message either.
  23. marlenasmith7
    I have been to approximately 13 different psychiatrists and therapists. I have been on Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Remeron and Paxil. The happiest day I can remember with my daughters had to have been the day they were born. Each birth had it's own special aspect of it. They were beautiful.
  24. marlenasmith7
    Oh, Gosh no, that would be the worst possible thing!
  25. marlenasmith7
    I have no idea how to make it stop. It started when I was a child. I had an emotionally and physically abusive step-mother, her father molested me for 4 years(from 8-12 years old), I was in foster homes, my mother died of cancer when I was 16, My sister and I have not spoken in 16 years, my father and I have not spoken in 18 years, I had abusive boyfriend until I met my husband 4 years ago. I don't know what else to say, I have had a messed up life!
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