Healing tips (its helping me)

[StephenP59]

Ok so here are some things I've found helped me for whatever reason I 'm writing it down to also remind myself.

 

1. No Contact - lay all your cards out on the table before you do don't compromise on what you want. Then just disappear, set really small goals 1 day 2 days eventually you'll stop counting the days

 

2. When you think of them don't dwell on the positive memories really focus on the bad ones too make them really vivid and so they make you feel angry. When you think of the good times, think of it as someone else at another time in history.

 

3. Take up hobbies, see friends and spend time by yourself too learn its ok to be alone, its a really good life skill.

 

4. Exercise if you start to think about things, get active focus your pain onto something positive.

 

5. Make 2 lists one with all the positive things you have achieved, positive comments from other people, your goals etc. and juxtapose it with everything that you didn't like about your ex. Put it up somewhere where you can see it.

 

6. Deep down you're still the same person so just be the best you can be, be positive smile at strangers, know that life goes on and you are part of it - coffee shops bookshops are good places to hang out.

 

7. Avoid alcohol it does you no favours.

 

8. Like yourself and know what you will and will not tolerate from other people that includes your own behaviour and that of your ex's.

 

9. This pain is natural and human but keep telling yourself its only temporary

 

10. Take every opportunity you can - don't let life pass you by.

 

11. Develop your own mechanism for dealing with the pain - make a cup of tea, read a book.

 

12. Look in the mirror every day and tell yourself and you are doing great, be proud of yourself too.

 

13. If I hit real lows and feel almost suicidal I tell myself when I smile, when I laugh it means that I want to go on and I have to go on.

 

14. Show an interest in others be a comfort to them too, volunteering is great for helping you get things into perspective and also means you don't get wrapped up in your own situation.

 

15. Don't think of a break up as the end of the world think of it as a challenge and go and meet that challenge.

 

16. Once you have coped with this you will better equipped for lifes other problems.

 

17. Use your head and not your heart as much as possible - if you feel like slipping up imagine someone who you look up to and respect (could be a friend) and deal with it the same way you think they would.

 

18. Develop a split personality - no really! theres the person who is going through the pain and sadness but save a part of you as someone who acts like an outsider (like watching the film of your life) you can then act upon how you should deal with things from an external perspective.

 

19. Challenge EVERY negative thought that pops into your head i.e. I'll never meet anyone like her, separate fact from opinion. It tiring but after a while it becomes second nature. go to link removed

 

20. Don't be bitter be open and be thankful for having love in your life if you are capable of a loving relationship then you are able to love again.

 

Theres more I've got too please add your own

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Thanks for posting this. I just went to a singles brunch and felt the hopelessness of my situation. It made me miss him so much more. It made me angry to think he is getting married and has his future all sewn up and I am back out there doing the singles brunches again. It hurts so bad.

[tobetterdays]

i would like to add 2 things.

 

- everything happens for a reason

 

- when one door closes, another opens.

[heloladies21]

Also reconnect with the opposite sex.

[Riley99]

Thank you for this post. I'm embarrassed to say that I started NC only 4 days ago. He's been trying to call (I wrote him a "goodbye" email) and I haven't picked up or called him back. Then, yesterday was his birthday and I couldn't resist text messaging him "happy birthday" and "im so sorry" (for not picking up). I've felt horrible since, I should not have broken NC. Thanks for this post, I am going to continue reading it over and over again.

[NJRon]

- everything happens for a reason

 

While I appreciate this saying, I *really* think it should be reworded to "Everything that happens can be put to a purpose"