Broke NC and really confused....

[enivel]

We've been broken up for six weeks. My ex has been texting me for awhile about little things, and sometimes I've replied with quick, casual answers but hadn't seen her in almost six weeks. So two nights ago she texted me to tell me her daughter was in the hospital, and had been checked in there because she was having suicidal thoughts. I called her to make sure she was okay, and she was at a bar drinking (she wasn't allowed to visit), completely frantic and none of her other friends would be with her...

 

So I broke NC and went to see her. She gave me a long hug and talked for an hour about how upset she was... then she told me she had slept with another guy a few weeks after our breakup... I didn't know why she would even mention it.

 

We went back to her place, and I told her I should leave because I didn't want to take advantage of her, but she insisted that she was sober and this was what she wanted. She proceeded to tell me how much she misses me (again, she had been contacting me a lot since we broke up) and how she loves me, isn't in love with me, but she could "work on that". We ended up sleeping together (fooling around, no sex because she was on her period) and she kept thanking me for coming over. When we awoke the next morning she was sober and had the same attitude of affection towards me, thanked me again for coming, gave me a hug, and went on her way to work.

 

I really care about her and I hope her daughter is okay... I think she certainly needs this time to completely devote to her daughter. But right now, I am just so confused about what I want and whether I could actually trust her again. I am not taking her comments at face value, although I am sure she has strong feelings for me.

 

She kept commenting on how good I look (since we broke up I lost 20 lbs and put on muscle), how she is glad to hear that I am doing great at my job now (I work commission and it was a rocky start.) I just don't know... all I know is that I am now planning to move in three months and she knows that, she was trying to give me alternatives (local schools, etc.) to see if I could stay here longer.

 

Sorry if this post is a mess... that's where my head is right now. I didn't hear from her yesterday. My guess is that she is just as confused and unsure about the whole situation as I am... and she is probably focusing on her daughter's issues as she should be.

 

I guess I just don't want to be the one to contact her first, because so far doing NC has forced her to keep coming to me. I'm not sure what I want anymore... I know I don't feel as strongly about getting her back as I did before, and I know for certain that this can't work long term. I think it is a good idea to just go with the flow, tell her that I'm still moving, and that if she wants to a "friends with privledges" fling before I leave, I can handle it if she can.

[Aschleigh]

I wouldn't recomend a Friend with sex thing to anyone but particularly not with an ex who is having a very emotional time with her daughter. She's very vulnerable right now. If you don't see anything working in the long term than why pursue anything more with her. You are moving away soon.

I think it will just hurt her and you more to remain in a relationship of any kind if you are planning on leaving and not being with her in a serious way in a few months.

It's probably time to move on.

[NJRon]

Yeah. You should probably do yourself both a favor and avoid the FWB thing... that's just not gonna help and will probably screw around with both of your heads. If you want a go of it... and she did say that she would possibly be willing to work on things... go for it. Either just friends... or working on a committed relationship. No in between here.

 

If she isn't willing to go all the way (relationship wise i mean ) then her heart *really* isn't into it and I wouldn't trust that she would stick around at all.

[heloladies21]

Well unless you're 100% over her and can have this friends with benefits situation with no strings attavhed, but I have a feeling from your post that you're not and in that case you're setting yourself up to get slapped emotionally.

 

Best thing you could do right now is to come clean,let her know you're only interested in being in a relationship with her. If her answer is anything other than a flat out yes, she's basically telling you no. And in that case, what more is left to be said? Time for No Contact for real at that point.

 

One thing is for sure, being her friend won't work, hanging around in the background won't work to get her back. These theories have been tested and failed so many times on here it's not even funny.

[enivel]

Well unless you're 100% over her and can have this friends with benefits situation with no strings attavhed, but I have a feeling from your post that you're not and in that case you're setting yourself up to get slapped emotionally.

 

Best thing you could do right now is to come clean,let her know you're only interested in being in a relationship with her. If her answer is anything other than a flat out yes, she's basically telling you no. And in that case, what more is left to be said? Time for No Contact for real at that point.

 

One thing is for sure, being her friend won't work, hanging around in the background won't work to get her back. These theories have been tested and failed so many times on here it's not even funny.

 

I understand what you are saying but I am going to be moving in three months. thereforeeee I just don't see any point in having a relationship with her. That and there are other issues. For one thing I am not going to commit to someone who has broken up with me. I guess my point is that I don't want a relationship with her, things are just too broken and we are headed in different directions. I can handle the sex, but I don't think she can.

[NJRon]

Hmm.. well.. if she can't, then don't. I think you actually *know* the answer here and I'm not sure what you are hoping to accomplish. This is a dead horse better left rotting... on to greener pastures.