All because of what I did.

[Magic_star829]

I can't stop crying as I'm writting this now.....I can't believe it's already over, and I trully believe that no one will be able to love me, or accept me for what I've done. I was molested by my uncle from 8-13, and I know half of it is my fault because I let him touch me, and I liked it! I like the feelings I got, and I let him do it to me for some time. After that I didn't want him to touch me and he did, but the point is I should have known better, and I feel sick, disgusting and tainted like I am a bad person and no one will ever love me. I told the guy I am seeing, because it came up, and I really wanted it towork with him...and now it's over. How can anyone love me and accept me with what I did? He said it was too hard to get over, and that's it. My heart is shattered...I cried so much I threw up, and I can't stop the tears. I can't blame him tho, he has this image of me of this good sweet girl, he's religious and doesn't like sin or anything bad, and I have shattered his image, so I don' t hold it against him, he is a great guy, and I trully hope that he finds a wonderful girl that will trully be sweet and good. I really do, I want him to be happy. I just wish I could be too. I just had to vent this. Thanks for reading.

[melrich]

You have nothing to be sorry for at all. You were a child who was taken advantage of and abused.

 

It is very sad that your boyfriend responded this way but that says so much more about him than it does about you. Have you had any counselling for what you went through when you were young?

[lozic21]

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!! I'm soooo sorry some sick and perverted man did this to you. You were 8 years old, you didn't know any better. He is sick and deserves to be in prison! You really need to consider going to therapy to talk to someone about this, it's such a traumatic thing, and they will be able to help you to realize that this is in no way your fault hon.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Please please please don't blame yourself for being molested by your uncle. It was not your fault at all. It was entirely his fault and he is sick. You are not tainted or dirty and don't ever let anyone make you feel that way for what happened to you. Is there anyone you can talk to about your molestation. There must be groups or counsellors that can help you deal with this. There are also books that you might be able to find. Please get some help so that you can deal with what happened. It was not your fault.

[Süsser Tod]

First of all, you've got to accept yourself and realize it was not your fault. Once you're in peace with the past, you'll be able to look into the future.

[Magic_star829]

I have not gone to councelling, I couldn't afford it, I would be interested in books though, if anyone has any good suggestions, see I thought it was behind me, and that all was well, but then he wanted to know(the guy I am seeing), and I was shaking when I told him because I knew he wouldn't like me anymore once I did. I find it hard to believe that there are guys out there that will accept me. Part of me thinks it wasn't my fault, but the other part thinks it was because I let it happen and even liked it! Thank you all very much for your replies though, it made me feel not so alone, and like someone understood.

[melrich]

We can only say again that it was absolutely not your fault, whatever your feelings were at the time. You were a child and you were owed a duty of care by the adults that were around you.

 

I would urge you to find some resources for counselling. You need to address the residual issues, these things do not just go away.

 

And yes you will find plenty of men who will have no problems with your past if you choose to share it with them.

[pacopaco]

hi,

I am so sorry. My Ex was also sexually abused around the same age. I knew about it, and still loved her deeply, i didn't fault her her past, i loved who she was. She chose to hurt me, but I think it has a lot to do with how she felt about not deserving me, or any good things. It's still hurting me, and this happened back in February. what i'm trying to say is this: if you continue to allow your past and the pain to control you, you just may find a wonderful great man and then go and ruin it because, as you say, you were molested and enjoyed it. you were a little child. what did you know? kids love attention and maybe you thought that the attention you were getting was the good kind for a kid. Just please speak with someone about this, because you deserve good things, and you deserve a great man, and you deserve a happy life.

[Magic_star829]

Thank you for your comforting replies I am just so torn up about this...part of me wishes I'd have never told him then I'd still be with him. He told me he still liked me but that he couldn't get over it, he said he would always think about it when with me, and couldn't do anything with me because of that, and so just like that...it's over. I'm out of his life, and left with my heart shattered. The past months meant nothing, and I think it's affecting more a little harder because it was so sudden. Two days ago, we had plans for my birthday, our future, things were great....and now it's over. I hope that I will find a guy that will accept me for me like you did your ex pacopaco...bless you for that.