Anyone Else Anticipating Infidelity?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Do people remain with their depressed partners, despite the depression?

 

It's a little simplistic/general, I know. The reason I ask is that as a manic depressive who regularly has Very Black Days, Personality Spasms (my affectionate name for vicious moodswings), Paranoia and the like, I'm not sure how much longer I should expect my boyfriend to put up with it.

 

Sometimes I suspect he feels he couldn't ever dump me because I'd do something drastic. I try and make sure this isn't the case by deliberately not being too dependent on him, not calling him all the time, not seeing him too much, etc.

 

I'm just not sure if he's a very, very nice person or if he is actually In Love with me. I think this may be a paranoia attack...

 

Yesterday I was convinced for several hours that someone was paying him to be with me to look after me without my knowledge!

 

Why should he have to put up with it?

 

The answer should/might be *He doesn't see it like that, he is with me because he loves me as I am*.

 

Yet I persistently think *His self esteem is low, so he probably feels he couldn't get anyone else anyway, or he feels like he can't dump me as he's turned into my emotional guardian and leaving would be a betrayal*.

 

So naturally, my next messed-up conclusion is that he's either seeing someone else, or will see someone else when I get just too much for him.

 

It's very distressing, but I'm still sane enough to know that to talk of such things with him would push him away/put him off.

 

I can imagine that the classic situation will arise whereby he'll worry about me (as he does - he told me), talk to a friend about it (who'll probably be female..he has friends of both genders), they'll get closer,

 

And I'll Be HIISSSStory.

 

I despise myself.

 

But it's a classic situation that occurs often, and it's invading my headspace. At the moment I'm trying to get over it by Attempting To Behave Normally (as possible!) but it's cutting me up.

Etc. It's most annoying.

[DN]

Judging from your previous posts I would say he loves you. Why does he love despite your problems? It's a good question. At a guess I would say it's because you are very lovable. You, being you, will deny that.

 

But he, being who he is, sees you differently.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

Unfortunately, I often fall into the same type of thinking you described. However, I honestly do think this is primarily paranoia. Despite being very very very erm, screwed up, I've never had someone do something like what you think might happen.

 

In the end, I'd be more worried about you pushing him away/becoming visibly paranoid/dumping him than him being unfaithful or the like.

[Dako]

AL

 

I get the impression he's in love with you, and is well aware of your spasms. He probably hangs in their for the lows, because the highs are so bleepin wonderful, much like you do. He can see your cycles and may have a better view of their dynamics.

I doubt he's getting a secret paycheck to be with you.

You're probably all he needs.

[Day_Walker]

People are attracted to others based on personal experience typically with family members. It may be that he doesnt see you behavior as drastic or it may be that he views your behavior as natural to him. I admit that I dont know your situation, but he is with you for a reason. I am not saying that you will end up with this guy or that you wont but at this point being paranoid about him leaving you isnt going to make your dealings with him any more pleasant. Relationships have a indefinate time period and they last however long that they last, but enjoy them while they do last.

[Daddy Bear]

E, just look at how popular you are here on ENA. Recognition Recipient, threads full of lost souls wringing their hands when you're away... face it, you're a gem.

 

someone paying your bf to stay? ha! i bet he wouldn't leave for all the money in the world.

[nottoogreen]

Hi Superstar,

 

At this time your primary problem is over-thinking.

 

As you said in earlier posts, there is a big difference between what your bf knows about you and how you really feel as you manage to behave mostly normally in his vicinity.

 

The discrepancy gives you a hard time.

 

I keep on thinking about how to get your mind away from idle over-thinking. Do creative things, don't think creative. Writing, drawing, painting, Pantomime. One month, every spare minute, you'll be better again.