Girlfriend broke up w/ me and shut me out b/c her brother is dying

[VisionsOfNow]

Everything has worked out =) Thanks to those who replied

[southerngirl]

People deal with grief in very different ways. This is probally a very tough time for her. If you really do care about her, give her the space she wants and dont bother her anymore. If she does contact you be there for her as a friend. Afterall the basis of a real relationship is a friendship first.

 

YOu say that you didnt think she was 'all that close' to her brother. That is not for you to judge and I hope you have not said anything that insensative to her.

 

Having lost my own mother to cancer I can certainly relate to the fear and anguish she MUST be experiancing right now. She is afraid because her brother is her blood. She doesnt have a father and I would suspect that even though she didnt talk to him everyday her brother is a very important person in her life.

 

Again if you care about her at all do not pressure her right now. Let her come to you if she wants and if not then let her go.

 

I know that this must make you feel aweful too but each person deals with grief in their own way. Have you ever experianced sudden loss in your own life with someone you love? Its not the same as breaking up. When someone dies it is permanant and there is no more time.

[Iceman26]

Sorry to hear about what you are going through there.

 

Based on what you have posted above, I would walk away. Talking about her "dream guy" having time for everyone else but you, not returning phone calls, being flaky about plans......I don't know how much of that I could take.

 

I understand that this may be her way of grieving, however I for one am no one's punching bag.

 

If you care about her, I'd give her a call and tell her that you are here for her if she needs you, but you aren't going to contact her anymore due to her behavior and the way you have been treated.

[VisionsOfNow]

YOu say that you didnt think she was 'all that close' to her brother. That is not for you to judge and I hope you have not said anything that insensative to her.

 

I would never say that to her. I was just trying to be as detailed as possible, and throw out everything that's been going on and through my head. Thanks for you feedback.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You have told her how much you care so now it is time to back away. She needs to deal with her grief in her own way. Perhaps she is not comfortable being an emotional burden to you. The only thing you can do is keep your distance and let her come to you.

[heloladies21]

Well one thing seems obvious, her brother's death was not the cause of the break up. If she was still broken up by it, why would she be dating other people? What happened is she simply lost interest in you and is using this as an excuse to explain it. Without hearing more about the relationship, it's hard to say exactly what caused it, but I'm getting the impression that you're a "nice guy." Not that treating women is a bad thing, but it sounds like you showed her a ton of positive emotion, affection, always calling, never getting jealous, never getting upset or fighting, and not enough of the healthy negative, getting jealous or upset when she's being out of line. This kind of situation will lead to emotional boredom and her thinking that you don't truly care and that you have no self esteem.

 

If you didn't have one argument with her while you two were dating, then this is the case. In any case, this is just a lesson to learn for next time as it doesn't impact what you need to do now, so here you go.

 

Staying friends with her won't bring her back to you. It's been proven a bad tactic time after time. It'll only lead to getting false hope until she eventually gets bored with you to the point where she drops you for good. Best thing to do right now is to talk to her and spill your guts. Tell her you don't want to be just friends and want to get back into a relationship with her right now. At this point you have to accept her answer. If she's not on board with you, time to go No Contact as there's nothing left to be said.

[VisionsOfNow]

shes not dating other people.....and im not overly "nice". you read into it the wrong way. not to sound corny, but im actually seen as somewhat of a "badboy" but with a good heart. thats why this situation hurts me. ive always had trust issues and a hard time opening up to people. but with her i took a shot and opened up for the first time. we didnt really have an argument becasue the relationship was still new and fast moving. thanks for trying though

[PolarWinds]

It could be that she's unsure about her relationship with you, and she just can't deal with the additional emotional conflict right now.

 

Or it could be that she just can't feel those girlfriend-boyfriend feelings right now at all. She feels like she can't just hang out with you before like something terrible isn't happening. Her libido is probably completely dormant right now. She's craving other friendships that are neutral.