Tomorrow.....

[Gracelove]

Tomorrow's the day, ahhhh!!!!

 

I'll be at the police station reporting the rape, crazy huh?

 

Well, my goal is not to really think about it, ya know.

Just go in there and say what I know.

 

Ahhh!!!!!!

 

I wish I could do it today, ya know. I would so do it today, get it over with.

But tomorrow will be here soon enough.

 

N-eway, I've been watching a realllllly funny clip to relax me.

 

If you guys get the chance you should go to YouTube and type in "Fat Baby Leg".

Then click on the first clip that comes up.

It's hilarious!!!!

It's been keeping me laughing today.

 

However I feel a little light-headed today, you know.

It's so embarrasing for me, describing the rape to people.

[ElektraHere]

You write and sound as if this is a joke. I know that you have to move on from this but you are treating this very flippant. I don't know maybe I am reading your posts wrong.

[rose2summer]

Grace, I am very proud of you that you are going to report the rape.

 

You have my full support.

 

I recommend taking someone with you, you can get a social worker to go with you, if you don't want to tell your friends/family.

 

The reason I say this is because when I went to talk to the detective about my rape, he wasn't very welcoming, it was freezing in his office, he asked me if I had wanted to have sex (since I was a virgin), and was using the word rape to cover up. I was so happy to have a social worker there (it was free) to protect me and make me feel safe.

 

Please let me know how it goes.

 

I have been trying to reach out to you in your posts several times now, but I usually don't hear back from you.

 

Please know I am an ear to listen and I am your friend.

 

Hugs,

Rose

[celticghirl]

well done grace

 

i am proud of you for taking a stand. you will be able to move on a lot better.

[Gracelove]

Hey There Guys!!!!

 

How's it going?

 

Thanks for the replies.

 

ElektraHere:

 

Hey there I don't take the matter to be a joke. If you read my other posts you'll be able to see how seriously rape has affected my life.

However, I'm honest, and what I wrote in this post hopefully reflects how I feel.

 

I certainly am not flippant about the matter.

 

My post may seem light-hearted, but that's exactly the way I want to feel.

 

I'm tired of being depressed, ashamed, and living in agony and despair.

 

If "Flippant" is how I come accross, then so be it.

I have to get through this in a way that I am able.

 

Thanks for you support. It feels good to know that I'm not alone.

 

Celticghirl:

 

Thanks for you support too!!! I'll let you know how it goes.

Rose2Summer:

 

Thanks for reaching out to me in the posts. I really appreciate it.

I guess my mind has been going in different directions lately.

 

But I am sooooo excited about reporting the rape.

 

I feel really good about myself right now.

I refuse to allow myself to feel discouraged or bad.

 

I'm on a roll right now, I'm am going to keep going.

 

How are you doing now? After your rape.

Have there been points and times where you felt everything was going well, just to hit another low?

 

Do you still have thoughts about the rape or do you pretty much no longer think about it?

 

I'll definitely PM you sometime.

 

I'll go to the station tomorrow so.....I don't know.

I don't know how I'll feel afterwards.

 

Well see.

[InaneCathode]

You write and sound as if this is a joke. I know that you have to move on from this but you are treating this very flippant. I don't know maybe I am reading your posts wrong.

 

Agreed, somewhat

[nottoogreen]

Hi Grace,

 

Today is you day, the day you turn into motion the wheels of justice.

 

I am mighty proud of you!

 

And tonight, do not forget to have some fun like anyone else.

 

And as bonus here is one of my favorites: link removed

[Fallout]

hmm..don't take this the wrong way or anything I'm just wondering...could it be that "date rape" makes the victim suffer somewhat less than the usual type of rape ? I was kinda left with this impression from a couple of date rape threads I've seen as opposed to the more violent ones...

Maybe it takes less time to recover from it than the ones where the victims are conscious since the victim doesn't remember the groosome details

 

Anyways gl to you gracie

[snowgirl]

hmm..don't take this the wrong way or anything I'm just wondering...could it be that "date rape" makes the victim suffer somewhat less than the usual type of rape ? I was kinda left with this impression from a couple of date rape threads I've seen as opposed to the more violent ones...

Maybe it takes less time to recover from it than the ones where the victims are conscious since the victim doesn't remember the groosome details

 

Anyways gl to you gracie

No. That is not the case at all.

 

Originally Posted by ElektraHere

You write and sound as if this is a joke. I know that you have to move on from this but you are treating this very flippant. I don't know maybe I am reading your posts wrong.

Just because someone isn't expressing their angst as much as you think they should does not mean it's any less painful. It's more harmful and hurtful than so many can express. The problem is that it sometimes takes a long time to even figure out for yourself how it makes you feel, much less be able to articulate that to others. I had several people approach me after I was raped who accused me of making it up because I didn't act hurt enough. I have always been very open and honest about it, and apparently, I wasn't crying enough to suit some people. But guess what? It happened to me, not them. It's not for anyone else to tell someone how to react to a traumatic event like this. Casting doubt can damage someone beyond repair. Be careful what you say.

Rape is a terrible, awful thing to go through and to heal from. everyone has their own schedule. I am very proud of you, Grace. I know how hard it is, and you will be on your merry way to healing when you get past this.

I will be thinking about you. All the best.

[itsallgrand]

Grace,

Been thinking about you all day! Anxious to hear how it went, and excited for you.

 

Agree with Rose2summer about having someone there with you. Someone strong and who takes no bull, as well.

 

It takes a lot of guts to tell your story. Again, so proud of you.

Just a word of caution: it is good that you have found that root of happiness and strength again, but be prepared for a bit of an emotional low after reporting.

It's exhausting work, and it's difficult to know how you will react until you've done it.

Don't be off-put if you feel a bit badly afterwards, or if you are totally ecstastic, or however you feel - it is all okay. I really think you're well on your way to already recognizing how moods can go up and down even when making progress....so this is simply a reminder.

 

Take care, good luck, my warmest wishes Grace.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I haven't missed the update have I?

 

Hey Grace - I just want to say, good for you. I remember reading some of your early posts and it sounds to me like you've come a long way.

 

I also have to say, I found it refreshing to see you incorporate humour into your post. I didn't think it was flipant at all and was for one, glad to see it.

 

Oh and Fat Baby Leg rocks!!! I think he's funny too!

[Gracelove]

Thank you guys for your support! You're all so sweet, I love you very much.

 

Fallout

Well, unfortunately for me, I was conscious during the actually rape. It was so painful and rough that it brought me into consciousness.

 

I did go in and out of consciousness. When I was out of it, I guess he didn't like it and would be really _____ to bring me back.

 

Um, I honestly don't know if date rape is easier to deal with.

 

I know that I appreciate the memories I have.

They are horrible, but I'm glad I have them.

 

If I had no memory, and just woke up naked and in pain....

I wouldn't have filed a report.

 

I have had a few issues with denial.

You know, brush off the unpleasantries and go on acting as if what happened was no big deal.

 

For me, without the memories it would be worse I know.

 

Because I would want to know what happened.

It would nag at me.

It would drive me nuts.

 

But that's because I've always relied on my memory for everything.

 

It was very frustrating for me, at first, to not know everything little thing that happened and the sequence in which everything happened.

 

I mean, like what he was doing!

I mean, I want to know why I couldn't have been awake, or awaken before he raped me, to stop it, ya know.

 

But that would have been impossible. I was drugged. I guess extreme pain was the only thing that could momentarily bring me back to consciousness.

 

I was present, every time he raped me.

And unfortunately, he raped me multiple times.

 

I don't know, the whole thing is just a horrible nightmare.

 

I just think rape is horrible either way.

 

With or without the memories, you know you've been violated in the most horrible way.

 

Snowgirl

 

You are sooooo sweet! Thanks for sticking up for me girl!

 

Itsallgrand

Thanks for you support!

You're always leaving me encouraging posts!

 

It went great.

The detective who'll hopefully be assigned my case is so nice!

 

My boyfriend went with me.

 

You're so right. I know a let down is coming.

It always comes.

Ahh!!!

 

I don't know, I'm just waiting for it right now.

 

I haven't had much sleep and I've had a lot of caffiene, so maybe afte I get sleep it'll hit me.

 

I don't know if I'm scared of the let down now or not.

 

Nottoogreen

You're always there for me, I hope you know how much I appreicate you.

Ta_ree_saw

It's so nice to hear from you!!!

Thank you. I try to stay as light-hearted as possible these days.

I'm glad you like "Fat Baby leg"

He is sooooooo funny!!!!

I think I watch that clip about once a day, LOL.

Everything went well.

If the rapist is still in the area he'll be brought in for questioning.

So we'll see.

I haven't really thought of everything yet.

I'm so happy to have done the report.

I feel really good about it.

But I don't feel super-syked, ya know.

I guess because I haven't really had much sleep yet.

But I would suggest others to do it, but only when you can.

And if you can never file a report, then so be it.

You've just got to take care of yourself and heal.

I must say, if it weren't for the love, support, and information that I've been given here....I don't think I ever would have reported the rape.

So thank you all!!!!

[snowgirl]

Yay, Grace. I am so happy that you reported this. You will find that this is a very important step in your healing process, not reporting rape can have far-reaching consequences. I know everyone is different, but for me, it was like getting rid of a dirty blanket around me. I felt free and more alive after that, and I never had a bad feeling or a letdown.

I am so happy for you, and even though I am a total stranger, extremely proud of you, and very impressed with your strength. You are a very strong girl.

[Fallout]

do you think there is realistically a chance for that guy to be convicted ? I mean if it's too late for physical evidence...I really think if this doesn't go through your bf/friends/someone paid to should hurt him really bad...not for revenge (altho that's good too if it makes you feel better) but so he won't hurt other girls...you realize if he used this method on you he's probably experienced in it and will use it again

[DN]

do you think there is realistically a chance for that guy to be convicted ? I mean if it's too late for physical evidence...I really think if this doesn't go through your bf/friends/someone paid to should hurt him really bad...not for revenge (altho that's good too if it makes you feel better) but so he won't hurt other girls...you realize if he used this method on you he's probably experienced in it and will use it again

I think that would be a really bad idea. That would be a criminal act for all concerned and would likely end up with people going to jail. Vigilantism, conspiracy and violence are all crimes.

[rose2summer]

Grace,

 

I am so PROUD of you!

 

You have made such an important step towards recovery,

 

In regards to your questions:

 

How are you doing now?

I am doing well now, I had counseling. It took me 3 yrs to final go in and open the black box and deal with it, but I am doing great.

 

After your rape.

Have there been points and times where you felt everything was going well, just to hit another low?

Yes, when I started dating my ex, he reminded me of the rapist, they look alike, same interests, same ethnicity, same height, same everything, it freaked me out, so it brought back memories of the rapist, and brought me down, but now he is out of my life, I am doing very well.

 

Do you still have thoughts about the rape or do you pretty much no longer think about it?

I think about it every time I hear the word rape or read it in the paper or on the news. I just get sad for maybe 30seconds and then I am over it. I think it's part of the normal healing process.

 

Where it did affect me a great deal was in feeling safe.

I will not go out at night alone.

I do not trust men easily.

I definitely changed, but I think I am wiser now.

 

I am smiling now, because I am so impressed with how much you have progressed,

 

Remember that I really do care,

 

And to please keep me posted on how you are doing.

 

PM me anytime Grace,

 

Hugs~

 

Rose

[DN]

off topic posts removed

[snowgirl]

Grace, how are you feeling today?

[Gracelove]

Hey There Snowgirl!!!

 

How are you doing?!

 

I'm a little emotional today.

I'm having a hard time with the whole rape thing today.

 

I feel like crying and I'm not totally sure why.

 

Since turning in the police report last Thrusday, I've been exhausted.

I don't regret reporting the rape what-so-ever, I'm just beginning to think maybe it took a toll on me that I've unaware of.

 

The whole thing is horrible.

 

The aftermath of rape is, whew! I don't even know what to say about it.

 

I look forward to hearing from you though.

Let me know how everything is going for you.

 

~Grace

[snowgirl]

Sorry you are feeling down. It's totally normal, you've been through the wringer and then some. There are a lot of emotions that are involved with something like this. As I have said before, it's important that you keep these things on your mind and try and sort through how you feel. It really helped me a great deal to talk about it. I talked to my sisters and my friends, and let them ask me questions. And ask, they did. I got to hear myself give my own perspective and account of the whole deal, and talking out loud about it to someone else made a difference. It helped me sort through it all. I found that I felt better almost immediately. It hurt to think about it, but when I talked, it went away, sort of. Know what I mean?

I never went to a therapist, although my folks took me to one right away for an evaluation, but I felt okay enough to make a go of it on my own. Nothing wrong with going to one, though. Take it from someone who knows, talking helps.

[Gracelove]

Hey There Guys!!!

I'm sorry I haven't answered some of your questions.

Um, I don't really think about the rape anymore, occasionally yes. But not really.

I mostly just experience emotions, sadness, etc.

Sometimes I think about the toll that rape has taken on me and my family.

Even financially.

It's a lot to bare sometimes.

I wish things were different.

I do have negative feelings associated with the word rape. When I hear it, it has new meaning.

It's an ugly word and at times I'm ashamed to be associated with it.

I'm not really expecting a conviction out of this. I just need to turn in the report for my own emotional healing.

I'm glad I did it.

As far as getting someone to hurt him. I've thought about it, but not seriously. Because then that would make me wrong.

I mean, I just couldn't live with myself knowing that I was responsible for something like that.

And I would be more concerned about the people that I asked to do such a thing. I wouldn't want them to get in trouble over it.

I don't know. I wish he could be raped, that, now that I would like.

Just so he knows how it feels and will never do it again.

On the other hand that could give him a reason devote more time to raping victims.

It's just horrible, ya know.

I can't believe he did such a horrible thing.

I don't talk about him often, and if I think about the situation I often think of his accomplice.

She infuriates me!

I don't know how she could do this to another woman.

How could she do this to people?!

It's crazy!

N-Ewho, I mostlt think of her, and her betrayal.

As far as the rapist, I want nothing more to do with him.

He's a bastard and I prefer not to think about him most of the time.

I don't think of him.

I know what you mean, it does help to talk about it, but then again sometimes I don't know what to say.

It's just a hard thing to process.

Thanks for your support guys!!!

Sincerely,

Grace