A new girlfriend, should I tell her about when somebody hits on me?

[shelbymustang_fan]

I guess the title says it all. I've been dating a girl for a couple of months. I asked her if I could call her my GF last night, and she said yes. Well, tonight I was at college getting my picture id, and the girl behind the counter was hitting on me. She wanted my email, and was asking all about my schooling at the college. I didn't want to give it to her, but I did because there was a line of people behind me, and I didn't want to drop the gf bomb on her, because of that. At least she was trying. When she emails me, I am going to explain that I have a new girlfriend, and am not interested in anything with her.

 

My question is: Should i tell my gf about this, or not? I think on one hand if I did tell her, it could build trust, and the strength of our relationship, on the other hand, I don't want to make her feel jealous either.

 

Comments please.

 

Thanks

[DN]

Don't tell her, It will seem either as if you are boasting or trying to make her jealous.

 

In the future when you get hit on mention the fact you have a girlfriend - but casually. For example: "I hope my girlfriend will like this picture".

[Eto]

I'd say tell her. It shows that you don't feel the need to hide something like this and that you can prove how feel about your girlfriend by mentioning the fact that you weren't afraid to mention her to another girl. But like DN mentioned, don't come accross sounding cocky like you're god's gift to women.

[rose2summer]

Don't tell her, it's obvious you are trying to make her jealous.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

You should not have given your email address out to the girl who was hitting on you, and you should have instead mentioned to her that you have a girlfriend.

[annie24]

don't tell. LOL. If women had to tell their boyfriends everyday about every single man that hit on them or looked at them, that would take hours alone!

 

it's not like you were interested in her anyways.

 

by the way - is your girlfriend moving soon? or is she going to be staying in the area?

[shelbymustang_fan]

Thanks everybody so far.

 

Teddy- I agree with you, I really wish I wouldn't have given it to her. It was stupid of me, but I did, and I can't undo that. I am going to tell her right off the bat that I'm taken, and that the only reason I gave it to her was to not embarras her in front of everybody.

 

Would this be a good response? Short and to the point?

 

Thank you!

[annie24]

if you didn't want to embarrass her in front of everyone, you should have just given her the wrong e-mail address.

 

or like DN said, just casusally brought up your gf when she started flirting with you.

 

for instance:

 

Her: I like your shirt!

You: Uh.... I have a girlfriend.

 

Don't do this. that is just dumb. she's going to be like, "uh, I just said i liked your shirt, wasn't asking about your gf " Instead:

 

Her: I like your shirt!

You: thanks, my girlfriend bought it for me.

[shelbymustang_fan]

Hello Annie! I was hoping you'd reply to this one. The whole move thing is up in the air yet, but she hasn't heard back from any jobs far away...so I guess thats good. She is trying really hard to stay in the state. She has now started to search for part time jobs too, so hopefully she'll be able to find something close by, even if it is part time. I haven't discussed my concerns about the future with her yet, and I don't think I'm going to. She knows that I'd miss her, and she would also miss me. So, I guess discussing my feelings would be pointless, because we both understand that life happens wether you like it or not. And I am confident that she'll do everything in her power to stay close by. I guess I'm going to let things happen, because I'm not going to hold back from what could be great. Whatever the outcome, so be it! Thanks again for the reply.

[shelbymustang_fan]

if you didn't want to embarrass her in front of everyone, you should have just given her the wrong e-mail address.

 

or like DN said, just casusally brought up your gf when she started flirting with you.

 

for instance:

 

Her: I like your shirt!

You: Uh.... I have a girlfriend.

 

Don't do this. that is just dumb. she's going to be like, "uh, I just said i liked your shirt, wasn't asking about your gf " Instead:

 

Her: I like your shirt!

You: thanks, my girlfriend bought it for me.

 

Yeah, I wish I was a little quicker on my feet. I'm just too nice though, I can't lie to people, and make them feel insulted by lying to them...at least she was trying. Too late to change things now, So I'll reply with the GF bomb, and then if she continues emailing me, I can just change my email address. Would that work?

[annie24]

i think you shouldn't respond to that e-mail. if she e-mail you. afterall, it's not like she is an old childhood friend - she is a random girl you met for 2 minutes. i don't think you should e-mail her because 1) you have a girlfriend, and 2) you shouldn't lead on this new girl.

 

let's say the other side: let's say your girlfriend was hit on today by some random dude, and she didn't think fast enough to give him a false number or to say she had a boyfriend. let's say she didn't want to embarrass him in front of all the other people. so, if he e-mailed her, would you want her to write him back, even if it is to say, "sorry, I have a bf?" probabaly not. you'd probably want her just to delete his e-mails. he will get the point eventually. Most people get the hint after the 1st e-mail. some the second. 1% not even after the 3rd, but they are called stalkers.

 

isn't it funny though - I know you were looking for a gf for a while, now you find one, and random women are asking for your contact info! when it rains, it pours!

[shelbymustang_fan]

Hi again. Now I'm feeling guilty that i gave it to her. That was soo stupid. I kind of agree that I shouldn't tell her, but now I'm afraid I'll feel guilty if I dont tell her. I don't want to hide what I did tonight.

 

What If explain the whole situation to her, tell her I gave the girl my email because I didn't want to embarras her, and explain that I regret doing it, and that I have no interest in seeing anyone else. And tell her that the reason I am telling her this is because I don't want to hide anything from her. Because I'd like some building blocks of the relationship built upon honesty. Thats a big thing to me.

[annie24]

I don't know - either way. I don't see a need to tell your gf. you just made a mistake. I think men aren't hit on enough to instinctively write down fake numbers the same way a hot woman in a bar would. but there is no reason to tell your gf, it's not like you have any intention of cheating on her or gave it to this other girl with a flirtatious intention. it sounds like deep in your heart, your gf is your one and only.

 

the only reason I'd consider telling her is if your gf knows this other girl somehow (which the odds are against it). then you'd want to tell her that you had a brain freeze and didn't know how to react.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Well it sounds like you were actually just caught off guard, but I really advise that embarrassment or not, you should not give out any contact info to other women (especially ones who are flirting with you) while you have a gf. It's just something that you'll have to get engrained in for the future. I'm not sure if you need to tell gf at this point, unless anything more happens, like the other girl continues to persue you (since you did kindof give her the green light), in which case I think your girlfriend has a right to know.

 

So just learn a lesson from this and next time be more firm, mention that you have a girlfriend, like DN and Annie said.

[justpaisley]

If you've got nothing to hide, tell her, but laugh about it. My husband tells me when women hit on him, but it's funnier than anything else because he doesn't know what to do. A woman tried to get him to dance with her at a bar once, even though he had his hand on my leg and his wedding ring just a-blazing. He just kinda stammered and looked at me. I laughed and raised my eyebrows, waiting to see what he'd do next. I had a few friends with me at the time and they started laughing along, making him even more frustrated. Eventually he just turned around and buried his face in his Guinness, and the woman walked away to do her tramping somewhere else.

 

My husband and I have complete trust in our relationship. No, I don't tell him every time someone hits on me, but only because it's not a big deal, not because he'll get all jealous and crazy. Unless it's just funny, like the time I was at work and a Moroccan client told me he'd take me back to his country and make me his wife. That's funny. When guys smile and wink and I wave my wedding ring in their face, it's not funny. Just a little stupid. I mean seriously, look at the ring finger first.

 

You can't make someone jealous. They're either that way, or they're not. Jealousy is borne of a lack of trust, something you need to root out early in a relationship. If my husband had gotten hit on and needed to give a girl his e-mail address just to get away from her, I wouldn't care. I'd hope he'd give her a fake address, but whatever. He's not going to cheat on me, so it doesn't really matter.

[DropToZero]

Hi again. Now I'm feeling guilty that i gave it to her. That was soo stupid. I kind of agree that I shouldn't tell her, but now I'm afraid I'll feel guilty if I dont tell her. I don't want to hide what I did tonight.

 

What If explain the whole situation to her, tell her I gave the girl my email because I didn't want to embarras her, and explain that I regret doing it, and that I have no interest in seeing anyone else. And tell her that the reason I am telling her this is because I don't want to hide anything from her. Because I'd like some building blocks of the relationship built upon honesty. Thats a big thing to me.

 

whoa whoa whoa, I know you got hit on and have a g/f, but that's no big reason to start acting like all girls have cooties or something and you're not allowed to talk them. I mean, it's not THAT big of a deal, just talk with her, be her friend, yeah she may have been interested, but just think future wise(and I'm not trying to wish ill on your relationship)...just saying things change so quickly in life and you never know. Besides, it's not like you're not allowed to have girl friends who email/talk/IM/call you once you have a girlfriend man...stand up for yourself, have a life of your own, not just w/ your new girl.

[tylercdurden2004]

don't tell. LOL. If women had to tell their boyfriends everyday about every single man that hit on them or looked at them, that would take hours alone!

 

 

Sadly some do.

[Momene]

Didn't we have this topic recently?

 

Don't say and don't give your address out.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

whoa whoa whoa, I know you got hit on and have a g/f, but that's no big reason to start acting like all girls have cooties or something and you're not allowed to talk them. I mean, it's not THAT big of a deal, just talk with her, be her friend, yeah she may have been interested, but just think future wise(and I'm not trying to wish ill on your relationship)...just saying things change so quickly in life and you never know. Besides, it's not like you're not allowed to have girl friends who email/talk/IM/call you once you have a girlfriend man...stand up for yourself, have a life of your own, not just w/ your new girl.

 

Maybe that's how you feel, but when I'm in a relationship I wouldn't carry on with email/talk/IMs with other guys, and I'd expect him treat me with the same respect.

[Batya33]

It's a non-event - why tell her other than you want (or will give the impression of wanting) her to know you are desired by others? She wasn't there so she will just worry and blow it up out of proportion. If you planned on seeing this woman alone in a date-like atmosphere of course I would tell her but you don't.

 

For example, I received a birthday email from an ex that said he wished we had married years ago. Why would I share that with my boyfriend? It would only make him worry unnecesarily.

 

Even if your motives are not self-serving it will come accross that way. Trust isn't built through these "tests" of yours.

[DropToZero]

Maybe that's how you feel, but when I'm in a relationship I wouldn't carry on with email/talk/IMs with other guys, and I'd expect him treat me with the same respect.

 

Not trying to start a huge debate within this forum...but you honestly believe that? You think it's right, that I should not be able to talk to girls, and have girl FRIENDS? Do you really think I should give up all my friends that are girls and stop talking to them just b/c I got into a relationship with you?

 

Cause that's so not right, friends last much longer than most relationships, and they'll be there if anything goes wrong. That's where you're wrong about it, cause if I start ignoring all my friends and don't talk to them, and I get wrapped up in my relationship, I'll lose them. I mean, I even have a perfect example of a girl I know really well(I work with her), just got out of a year and a half relationship, she honestly has NO friends outside of her family and us at work because she lived with her b/f and only hung out with him and his friends from time to time.

 

Personally, I think that's sad if someone would give up all their opposite sex relations/friends just because they get into a relationship. I wouldn't stand for that at all. It's just about the trust in the relationship in the end.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I think it's not right if they're clearly interested in you, like with the OP, yes. What you and your gf in particular do, however is of no real concern to me.

[Batya33]

I think it's fine - and positive - to have platonic friends of the opposite sex as long as those friends know you are attached to someone else romantically and your significant other is given the opportunity to meet them. I do think it's your responsibility not to give mixed messages and if you do to correct them ASAP.

[tylercdurden2004]

Depends if you meet the girls and they are flirting with you. In this case it would seem that it is more than platonic at least on their part. As for telling your GF I dont think she really needs to hear about girls hitting on you.