Please Please Please Help Me Somebody...i Am At My Last Point

[sadsole]

Hello everybody....please please please take time to read this...i have nobody else to turn too and im in suicide mode....i am absaloutly devestated and have been since i broke up with my ex nearly three months ago....

 

i am 21 years old.....and in march i got together with a 22 year old girl.....i hadden been in a relationship for a year and a half cos i split up with my previouse girlfriends through no fault of ours...and she was devestated and so was i...but we couldnt be together...anyway i moved on and year and a half later i met her....we are both at uni but she is actually from around here....im from another part...her friends going out with one of my friends....anyway we where invincible together...nothing could have broken us up...we just clicked....spend soooo much time together...she told me once she doesnt know why i am with her(which i told her off for) and she said she had never met anybody like me whonever used her for sex but actually cared about her...i told her too that i think shes absaloutly special to me etc.....her mother loved me...everybody said we where the perfect couple...(one of my mates even said that looking at us too has made him want to settle down...and now he has and they are both extreamly in love with each other...i spent so much money on her and she was supper in love with me...all her friends said they have never seen her so happy....then one weekend we went away...and we had a bit to drink...she picked up all her courage and wanted to tell me something...i knew what it was....so she just came out with it...."i love you"....i was very shocked but expected it.....didnt know what to say...and i told her the truth about that word for me...i didnt want to say it...i did love her. saw my self spending the rest of my life with her but i just couldnt say it...i think cos deep down it was to soon for me and i didnt want to be a number...which she swore to me weeks ago that i wasnt....

 

anyway understandably she was devestated.....crying her eyes out and all sorts...thats when everything started going wrong...we where fine afterwards still very close but slowly slowly she started wanting to see less of me and more of her friends.....her friends had just finished uni so they were always around.....i didnt like it...i had to go back home for a week to see my family and i said to her shall i stay a little longer with you and she said "no..go back" and was pretty much pushing me away...then i spoke to her on the phone one night when she was drunk and she said to me "look...im not the girl you think i am...im very selfish and only really want to do things for my self...im no the perfect girl you think i am...i only really care about my self etc"...then she told me she told me she feels i am trying to chang her into somebody else...somebody that isnt her...which i wasnt....i will atmit at times i have tryied to stop her smoking(only cos she does it infront of her friends and it annoyed me cos she was only doing it cos she was

 

anyway i went back to uni for a couple of days so i could see her...it would have been the only time for a month...we went and met her friends at the park and had a good time and then she said "im going to my friends house to have a drink with her mother(a friend who she was gonna go on holiday for a week with) and left me....so later on that night i had a word with her...asked her if she wanted to break up(only really to scare her i think and to make her realise) she told me she felt like she was 22 going on 43 and that im dictating her etc....she then told me shes thinking about taking exctacy...cos one of her friends is a coke head and a pill head(one of them that came back from uni) anyway i told her im gonna break up with her if she does take a pill....and she go really angry with me telling me it was her life and im trying to control her...

 

anyway the next day after both of us crying she said enough is enough and broke up with me i was devestated...she rang me before she went on holiday and said she wants to get back with me but she needs time to reflect when she was away...when she came back she said"i just cant do it...i havent been out of a relationship in a few year(cos she had just broken up with a guy when she got with me) and that she needs to find her self...she wants a break from guys for around a year but she still wanted to be friends with me and that i was going to be her best friend......

 

anyway we argued a few times on msn and a few weeks later i went to see her a few times. the first time she said she couldnt see me...the second i saw her and she said "i cant" and kind of panicked...later on i saw her for 5 minutes....wanted to see her again that day and she said she wasnt ready for a sit down and talk face to face with me....i was at a real low point there and rang her up and tld her a few home truths like she was immature...her friends made fun of her behind her back...i told her she was pretty much a ....told her later on that i was sorry and that i was trying to make her hate me etc...dont ask me why i didn all that..it was not me but i was just messed up...anyway we spoke a few times and i apologise and we where getting along great...she said i can stay round hers one day...with in a week...so i did...but she was acting like a compleat so rude to me...spitfull.....went home and spoke to her a few days later and had another massive go at her...she told me it was difficult cos she hadent seen me in a long time...i told her i never wanted to see her again...and that i needed time to get over my very stressfull life....

 

i went on holiday and she txt me nice things like hope your ok...thinkimg of you...and when i got back i spoke to her and she was so excited about me coming back and she did alot to help me find a new place and said she would help take me to the shops etc...but in a friendly non couply way she made it sceam but i could tell she wanted to get back with me cos i also heard it throught the grapvine...anyway went really well and i spoke to her one day and she was extreally sharp with me....so rude...got to uni and asked her if she could help me with a lift ect to sort my self out but she told me she was busy...she treated me like ....and i asked her why is she like this and she drags up the past saying..."i still cant forget when you insulted me and my personality...you have dug your grave"...i told her that i was at a real low point etc...it wasnt me and to forgive me........she told me that she has moved on and that i should too...i kind of figgered since then it was cos shes met a new guy...so i said to her "i kinda figured you have met a new guy and its got nothing to do with me and i was happy for her(which im not )but please dont jsutify it by treating me like ...she hasnt denied it...but we had a massive argument again and she told me when she said she loved me that she never ment it and other very very hurtfull things.i told her i would luv to be friends with her nad she told me the same but that we cant if we keep arguing......

 

now im at this point and im devestated...was looking forward to see her face to face(cos the only time we argued was on msn) and after hearing though the grapvine that she wanted to get back with me and her telling me she was thinking about me im at a new low point...and she obviously seeing another guy....who will probably treat her like like her others and just use her for sex.....so much for the"your not a number promise" yeah 3 boyfriends in 1 year and "i need a break for like a year to find my self"

 

please please please help me get back with her...anything i can do...nothing is ever lost...please dont tell me i need to move on aswell.....there is always hope...how shall i act when i see her and this new guy....when i speak to her on msn how should i act? like iv moved on? like i dont care about her? shall i be mean to her....how can i make her notice me and get the love back.....please please please help me....im losing the will to live..

 

any comment will be appreciated

 

thank you so much for reading this

 

God bless you

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone - please break your post into paragraphs - it will be easier to read.

[avman]

And please stop swearing.

[sadsole]

sorry..........

[DN]

I removed your second post as I had paragraphed the first one for you and removed the bad language.

[sadsole]

cheers.........

[serenity85]

I really think you need to take some space of your own and figure out if u really want her back because all she seems to do now is make u unhappy, she seems really easily influanced by her friends, i think give her a month of no contact which will both give u guys room to breathe and think what u really want and then see her face to face and see how you feel.

[sadsole]

thanks for the reply Serenity..but the only problem is that im scared of this new guy of hers that she is interested in or maybe seeing....she never denied it you see....if i leave her alone she might will move on with him....and that she will forget me if i let her be for a month

[WalkingWithGod]

sadsole,

I council many girls like your ex girlfriend. You really need to consider if you would really like to raise a family with her and face all of the hard times in life with her. It sounds like she needs to mature a little before she will be able to take on all of these important aspects of life. If you truly want to be with this woman for the rest of your life then you will need to wait sit back praise her, support her, and wait for her to realize that you really love her and that love is real. You could marry her now and have a loveless relationship of years until she stops taking you for granted and realizes that love is really real. You need to see if you really now how to love as well. This is really key, If you don't know how to love, I recommend that you learn how to love as soon as possible. I have included a description of love at the bottom of the message. Seek after love and be patient. There are literally millions of girls out there that would probably love to have you as a boyfriend, but it is better to wait and find the woman you truly want to be with for the rest of your life. You won't be able to find her while you are with all of the other girls.

As far as whether or not you are a number, it isn't exactly like this but sort of. She basically is starving for affection and particularly from guys. She also needs to feel in control of things because she probably feels like an out of control victim of things in the past. She desperately longs to be loved, but doesn't believe that love is really real and certainly doesn't want to make herself vunerable enough to rely on someone and be truly loved. You probably loved the fact that she seemed to be deeply pastionately in love with you, but this probably not true. She is more just deeply hurting and longing for affection. She will probably continue to get in intimate realtionship with guys for years until she realizes that by coercing guys into intimate relationship she is actually destroying the very love she is seeking. She might have liked you more than any of the other guys she has met, but she might have just said those things to coerce you into an intimate relationship. Basically, you are going to have to figure out whether the relationship is one based on love and whether you want her to be your life partner. By life partner I mean the person you want to go through all of the good times and bad times of life together and the person you want to rely on in the hard times. If you really love her and are willing to be extremely patient, there is very good chance that you will end up with her. Make sure to chase after love and not lust or companionship. Those things can be easily gotten, but love is difficult and extremely rewarding. The best description for love I have found is in the Bible 1 Corinthians 13:

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self - seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.