REALLY stupid question...

[Yvette84]

Ok, So as some of you know, I met this amazing guy on the net and we have been talking on the phone for months and he is moving here for me (He's accross the country) Anyways, So I know alot of people have said, when they first met someone from the net they didn't look as good in person as their pix.

But my guy has sent me some pix and he didn't look that good in them (I figured he wasn't photogenic) because he sent 2 videos of him that he made on his digital cammera.

He looks diiferent but Really cute in both, (not like the pix!?) but I was wondering, Could he look different in person like people do in pix??? (even though it's video?)

I mean it's a video, so I don't see how he could, But I was just wondering if anyone has experienced that!?!?

..........told you it was a dumb question!! LoL

[annie24]

hm. do you think it's two separate people? don't you think it's rather odd that he is moving for you at this stage? don't you think that's jumping the gun? most people meet first for a date, instead of moving.

[Yvette84]

we can't afford to make those trips back and fourth, He doesn't have much at home anyways, But NO! it's not two separate people! lol!! he looksm like the EXACT same person, just really cute in the videos. I think he is just not photogenic at all!

[annie24]

really? it doesn't strike you as odd that he doesn't want to meet you at least once before he moves? afterall, you've never even met....

[Lily04]

In my opinion I actually look much better in person than in pics, so it's the opposite for me (other people have told me that as well.) But I have some decent pics of me at the same time where I look good. If he sent 2 videos I think it's entirely plausible that he looks just as good in person (if not better) than in his pics! So don't worry.

 

To share some of my personal experiences, I have met a few people in person from the 'net when I was trying online dating, and got a mix of results. A few looked almost the same as in their pics, one actually looked better so I was pleasantly surprised (the guy I met last weekend who turned out to be a total *** though) and then I met a few guys who also looked worse than in their pics, another one who I just happened to meet last Thurs. and that was a real disappointment for me because I liked his personality. We're going out again, mainly because he really likes me and I can't say no at this point, but also because he seems interesting and I'm going to try giving him another chance... I have a feeling we'll just be friends though. And that's another thing... if sparks don't automatically fly, still give it a shot. On the first date with one guy it wasn't that great...he was mostly talking and I felt a bit awkward, but on the 2nd date there was a lot of chemistry. Unfortunately he tried to take advantage of that in a way I didn't appreciate, but you win some, you lose some... and in the end, it's quite plausible that you two can end up being friends. So in perspective, nothing to really worry about.

 

If you have a good idea of his looks though, and you like, then I'm sure there shouldn't be any surprises. Especially if they're videos, that's actually better quality.

 

Good luck & I wish you all the best!

 

Lily

[Meow18]

It does seem a little weird to me also that he would just be moving out there for you when he doesn't even know you really.

 

I'm surprised you want him to do that for you when you don't even know him really..

 

But to answer your question, it could be possible. I guess that's just why it would be smart to meet first and see if there's attraction before committing to each other with a move.

[Lily04]

Oh, also I somehow skimmed over the part about him MOVING for you. I thought it was just a trip/vacation or something. I would seriously reconsider that... that is such a huge commitment and you haven't even met yet. When you consider the costs of renting an apartment/buying a house, car, insurance, finding a job, etc. etc., travel costs for perhaps one week or even a weekend pale in comparison. I'd have a serious talk with him about this.... I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with it, but if he has other reasons for moving as well (i.e. a job situation) then it might be doable...

[Yvette84]

really? it doesn't strike you as odd that he doesn't want to meet you at least once before he moves? afterall, you've never even met....

No, because we have spoken on the phone and gotten to know each other so much. Probably better then I've known guys I've dated in person because all we've had is communication constantly for hours for days at a time for months! and the attraction and chemistry is there. Feelings have grown, So to me it makes sense. It's not like he's gonna get here and were gonna get married.

[ElektraHere]

Ok a good friend showed me this excersice. Here it goes

 

Draw a box and write RELATIONSHIP in the middle

 

Draw a tic, tac, toe board and then connect the outside borders so its in a box.

Now write in each box the following

Hobby

Personal Growth

Leisure

Family

Friends

Service

Contribution

Alone Time

Relationship

 

Now in the the big box with the word RELATIONSHIP cross it out

and

In the multiple boxes cross out relationship

 

So......

The big box represents what you have if that is all you have is a relationship....Nothing

 

If you look at the other box yes you may not have a relationship but you have all the other things.

Hobby

Personal Growth

Leisure

Family

Friends

Service

Contribution

Alone Time

[Yvette84]

Ok a good friend showed me this excersice. Here it goes

 

Draw a box and write RELATIONSHIP in the middle

 

Draw a tic, tac, toe board and then connect the outside borders so its in a box.

Now write in each box the following

Hobby

Personal Growth

Leisure

Family

Friends

Service

Contribution

Alone Time

Relationship

 

Now in the the big box with the word RELATIONSHIP cross it out

and

In the multiple boxes cross out relationship

 

So......

The big box represents what you have if that is all you have is a relationship....Nothing

 

If you look at the other box yes you may not have a relationship but you have all the other things.

Hobby

Personal Growth

Leisure

Family

Friends

Service

Contribution

Alone Time

Huh???????

[ElektraHere]

This is in regards to you and your guy. Do you both have all those other things or just the one box with the one thing in it? If the relationship fails to get off the ground you will have nothing.

[Yvette84]

This is in regards to you and your guy. Do you both have all those other things or just the one box with the one thing in it? If the relationship fails to get off the ground you will have nothing.

yeah, we do.

[ElektraHere]

well if he is moving to you he wont have friends or family. What are his favorite hobbies? Does he like to spend time alone? I think this is sooo risky to move out without even meeting.

 

Could you both just be so caught up in this that you are clouding your judgement. I just flew out to meet someone I was speaking to online. We clicked like crazy. Had an awesome time, however he did some thinking and he just wasnt ready to give me what I wanted. Him..

 

So I speak from experience and I wish you the best but the reality of it all is this is placing all your eggs in one basket. Not a good thing.

[Yvette84]

I've gone though alot of crappy relationships, and have learned to REALLY get to know someone before moving forward, and as a Christian I have prayed alot about this to. Like I said, it is HIS desicion whether he wants to make a move like this or not. No one is holding a gun to his head. He is a mature rational person and we do have something unique. Like I said, I have gotten to know him alot deeper then some people who are physically together.

he doesn't have that great of a family at home, and I know he will make a ton of friends here, through work and church. We have discussed that we will have our own lives, we are both similar in the aspect that we don't really like to spend much time alone. But of course you have some alone time.

I have met a weirdo online before and I learned to really get to know someone and not let my emotions cloud my judgment again! And like I said, it's not like were gonna get married when he gets here!!! ahh...can we get back on subject pleeez?

[ElektraHere]

Yes, people are alot different than a photo or video.

[monkey1]

When I met my boyfriend, it was different in person. I had seen him in a video or 2 before we met along with pics, but it was different in person only because it's him, in the flesh. A person face to face is different than in a video. Some people don't photograph well.

 

Seeing a person in real life just makes things more real. I can now see those videos and have a much better idea what he's like. It's hard to just go on a video because you don't have a solid sense of what they're like, than if you met in person.

 

I find it a little risky too about this guy moving, but hopefully it'll be ok. Does he have a job here?

[melrich]

Yes I think some people are not photogenic but then they look completely different in video.

[chocolady]

A cautionary tale for you..

 

I talked to a man for over 8 months. I too saw pics of him where he didn't look very good, but we had cammed soooo many times I just sort of ' meh'd ' them as he made videos on his digicam too just like yours did and he looked lovely and happy, good looking etc. But the truth of it is.. Photographs DO NOT LIE... video cams do. Do not ignore the them.

 

When we met, I nearly fell off my chair. He was ugly. I mean ugly with a capital UG. I'd wasted 8 months getting sexy and flirty with a man, planned a future with a man, started having feelings for etc who in real life looked like something out of "The Hills Have Eyes" (original film). *shudders at the memory*

 

Needless to say, nothing came of it and when the date was over I walked out of the restaurant and I RAN. I mena I ran up the street and out of sight, releived that I hadn't told him where I had lived or made any promises to him. I can't imagine how I would have felt if this man had packed up his old life and moved to be with me. Even if he had, I still would have run.

 

Please consider meeting this man at least once before he makes any permanent decisions about moves to be near you. You could end up dating the man in the pics.

[Lily04]

Yeah, I agree that photographs are often a good representation of how someone looks... but I've had cases (I think 2 or 3) where the guy looked a lot worse than his pics! And that was disappointing. So photos can lie too, especially if they're at a weird angle, lighting, etc. What bugs me is since I don't have a digital camera I have a lot of webcam shots and guys are like "wow, are you really that hot?" and don't believe me because they're "only pics." But I actually look a lot better in person and so it can be deceiving the other way around as well... the point of this is that pics can be deceiving, but it really varies. It seems like he's making an effort to be truthful though with his videos, etc. so I have a feeling it will work out alright. Just remember that people always look a bit different in person than online, but if you have strong enough chemistry it should be able to work anyway.

 

Hope that helps. Again I wish you the best of luck with this, and take care.

[Baby Carrot]

In my experience, pictures are a bit more reliable than video.

 

But this doesn't mean that if he looks ugly in pictures, he looks ugly in person and the webcam is lying. Is completely variable. There are lots of factors to consider (lighting, angles, the lens, the shadows... I know a bit of photography myself, and I've discover this things can change drastically the appeareance of someone in a picture).

 

Is true some people is just not photogenic (at least their face isn't). But if you have that kind of connection with this guy, there'll be a point where you will see beyond his physical appeareance. And it won't matter if he's not exactly a Calvin Klein model, because there's something more trascendental than that between you too.

 

Don't let something as shallow as looks to define things between you.

 

I can't assure it, but I think probably his real appearance will be a mix of how he looks in pictures and in videos, combined with his personal charm. So don't worry too much about it.

[RayKay]

I agree with all the people on their comments about the whole moving thing...I honestly just find that very hasty, and really naive to do before you have met. I am not saying you have not clicked well online and on the phone and things, but even so, it's totally different in person. Everything is totally different. Online, you are both the "best" of whom you want to be, you are not seeing the little quirks that in person can drive you nuts, you aren't seeing how you both handle conflict, or how you come home after a stressful day.

 

I honestly do find it very odd, that someone would uproot everything before ever meeting to move. That is much costlier than visiting. You can find cheap airfare and meet halfway even.

 

I don't find it romantic...I find it kinda..well, it would make me question them that is for sure.

 

As for the photo thing...people can look different. I did enough online dating to even see that people could look totally different. Or, they can look almost the same. You never know what you are really going to get.

[Yvette84]

RayKay:

I've heard ypur opinion one too many times. And I don't care what you think about the situation honestly. We DO see each others quirks, we HAVE spoken to each other after a stressful day or a bad mood and we HAVE seen how we handle conflict!!! I told you we talk ALL the time!!! we have gone through those things and seen both sides of each other. Please don't make assumptions because you really have no idea how are relationship REALLY is.

[RayKay]

No need to get defensive, my opinion is really not different than many others whom have posted to you several times.

 

Then I will refrain from posting, I wish you the best of luck and hope it turns out as you expect. I don't wish badly of either of you, I just have to admit I do not understand for the life of me while even financial circumstances included, you can't meet before making such a huge step is all.

 

Good luck.

[ElektraHere]

You know Yvette

 

Check out the questions you have posted in the last month or two. They almost all relate to this guy and if this is normal or that is normal. I hope it works for you but the reality is this is a clear long shot.

 

RayKay:

I've heard ypur opinion one too many times. And I don't care what you think about the situation honestly. We DO see each others quirks, we HAVE spoken to each other after a stressful day or a bad mood and we HAVE seen how we handle conflict!!! I told you we talk ALL the time!!! we have gone through those things and seen both sides of each other. Please don't make assumptions because you really have no idea how are relationship REALLY is.

[annie24]

Yvette, how can you know him as well as you say you do, when the entire premise of your post is that you are unsure why he looks different in video vs. photographs?

 

He looks diiferent but Really cute in both, (not like the pix!?) but I was wondering, Could he look different in person like people do in pix??? (even though it's video?)