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Two steps forward..One step back


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So here is the short version of everything I've been going through for the past 3 months. I was with my ex for almost 2 years. The last 5 months of our relationship we were 1 hour and half away from each other. We broke up last june. I found out he had been cheating on me after the breakup and after he had wanted to see me and still be with me. He had still been calling me. But he is now engaged to the girl that he cheated on me with me and the whole thing is killing me inside. It just hurts. And he is still insiting on hurting me after all this time. Partially cause I did look at his myspace page but puts comments directed to me that he know will hurt me.

 

I am trying so hard to move on. I have blocked his text messages. I blocked his email and his last way of contacting me is through his myspace page. I just decided that in order for me to heal and get over things I have to set my things to public and show that I am living my life. I dont care about the other girl because she knew about me. I think what is hurting me so bad and what i dont understand is why he is insisting after all this time to hurt me. To still say something to me. Did he know I would check his page?? Yeah, but he checks mine too. I mean we were together for two years and used to spend every weekend together.

 

And stupid me in the back of my mind is still thinking that they will breakup and that he will come back to me...eventhough I would never take him back...ever! I loved that man so much and I just don't get why he can't just leave me alone and just let everything go and be a bigger man.

 

Part of me still thinks he isn't over me like how I am. I am not over my ex and I dont know how long I will be that way.

 

Like I said I have taken two steps forward and one step back. I know how to move on its just so hard and I dont understand if he loves this girl then why does he still try to say stuff to me?

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basically you two left fighting eachother, which means there's a state of war between you two, your not fighting anymore, but he who has been hurted(not that i disregard your hurt) will try to inflict that pain onto you in a sort of 'revenge' type of behaviour.

 

You have to be the better woman, disconnect from him, and forgive him for his unconsious hurtfull behaviour. Putting a point behind it all, close this chapter and move on with your life.

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Thank you robowarrior and crazyaboutdogs....your words and advice have helped out alot.

 

Most times I am okay but the other day when I created the post...I was extremely sad and I just had to let it out. I feel like soo many good things are happening in my life but this one thing always has a way of bringing me down emotionally. I still love him and its soo hard to see him being so loving to his fiancé..its almost sickening.

 

I have met someone ...really nice guy but I told him upfront that I am not emotionally available. I mean I am not ready for another long term relationship and its a shame because he is a good man and he is soo kind to me and I like him. I am just so scared that once I finally give in and let my heart go that he will crush it just like my ex did.

 

I know that I shouldn’t make the next man pay for my ex's mistakes...but to be honest I have issues with trust now. I feel like even if a good man was to come into my life that I would mess up the relationship. I guess the hardest part of all of this is learning to be happy alone. Before I was with him ...I was happy being single and now its soo hard. Sometimes I feel alone and unloved and depressed. Although I just got a new job and I will be graduating college soon. I still feel a huge void in my life!

 

I don’t know ...I still cry sometimes....is that normal? I mean kept the jewelry he gave me...should I get rid of it?

 

thanks again for the advice!

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I know exactly where you are coming from as I am going through the same gut wrenching emotions. You might want to put the jewelry away in a box and put it at the back of a closet or in a safety deposit box. Out of sight, out of mind. When you finally get over the pain, you may be able to see the jewelry as just that, jewelry...no emotions attached.

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  • 2 months later...

Okay fast forward to today...November 8, 2006.

 

I am doing great. I have moved on with my life and enjoying being single, making money and finishing school. Well not to my surprise my ex text messages me (after no contact for 6 months!!!) and asks: "Are you still mad at me" LMAO omg...I havent responded and will not respond. I could have sworn that I blocked his number.

 

Well the point is ..I was flipping out before and stressed. I mean I get sad and shed a couple tears still every now and then but I have realized how pathetic he is. He is getting married to this little girl in a month and still has not gotten his life together.

 

To all those that are feeling hurt don't worry it will pass and the men that left you will come crawling back like cockroaches!!!!! Too little ..Too late!

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I know that I shouldn’t make the next man pay for my ex's mistakes...but to be honest I have issues with trust now. I feel like even if a good man was to come into my life that I would mess up the relationship. I guess the hardest part of all of this is learning to be happy alone. Before I was with him ...I was happy being single and now its soo hard.

 

 

I'm glad that you realize that you're not ready for a new relationship. A lot of people say that the best way to get over one person is to find another, but I think you need to give yourself time to grieve and reflect over what went wrong in the last relationship before you move on to the next. That way, you'll prevent yourself from making the same mistakes over and over again. You're a good person for being so upfront and honest with the new guy, because a lot of people would "use" that person so they wouldn't have to feel sad about their ex, and this isn't fair to that person. Also, as sucky as it is, sometimes people just need to be sad for a little while in their lives. The people who move on so quickly don't like to feel shi*ty, they just want to fill the void that was created when their exes left. You can't diminish the heartache you feel when you lose somebody, you can only work through it and give yourself time. It's smart to realize this and give yourself the time you need. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling crappy.

 

Another thing you said that really hit home w/me is that you remember that there was a life you had before you met your ex, when you were happy by yourself. It IS hard to learn to be alone again, but in my opinion, you'll be stronger and happier in the long-run if you have some down time by yourself to reflect and figure out your priorities. Take this time to grow as a person, and figure out what makes YOU happy. One thing that has helped me in the grieving process is remembering a time in the past when I thought all was lost and that I would never get over something bad that had happened, and think about how you lived through that and how it has shaped you into who you are. Good luck coco. ((hugs))

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Hey Coco....

 

I think it is VERY normal to grieve a relationship.....even if you KNOW it's a dead end and going nowhere. You grieve the person you miss...not the person they actually ARE.

 

Your ex sounds like a creep. Contacting you behind his Fiancee's back. What does that really say about him??

 

Good for you for getting on with your life.....and being strong enough to not

respond to him. That takes TREMENDOUS strength...AND self disclipline. So definetly give yourself credit.

 

Just think...now he's HER problem and you never ever have to worry about him again.

 

By the way...you're GORGEOUS.....his loss.

You'll be out there in no time laughing about his pathetic self ....

 

Best in all....

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First of all let me say you are very beautiful! I love your pic!

 

Second of all, I am so sorry you are going through this. What a miserable situation. But you are doing GREAT!! The best thing that you can do right now is to keep on doing what you're doing. Of course you are going to hurt and feel pain, its only natural. Allow yourself to feel it. You are doing the right thing by blocking him from texts and emails. It is still going to take time to move on completely.

 

He is trying to hurt you and throw it in your face because he has no self-esteem. He is probably trying to validate himself somehow by putting you down. He is trying to gain his self-worth by putting you down. Rest assured that you are far better than that. You will be the one who gets her self-worth and self-esteem and strength from within, not from hurting someone else. You will be able to move on and find the man of your dreams and you will have your pride and dignity and no one can ever take that away from you. Try to go about living your own life without concerning yourself with him and what he's doing anymore (hard, I know!) If he ever tries to contact you, ignore him. That man does not deserve one more minute of your time. Hang in there.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you lady bug and firedancer for your comments and advice!

 

I have to say its been a journey and I feel like wow ...I am at peace. It took a long while to get here ...7 months to be exact.

 

I guess what really helped me to be okay with what has happened was the fact that I got to see the real him. Now the roles are reversed!

 

He texted me last week saying that I need to call him, he is so sorry for hurting me and that i didnt deserve it and that we need to talk because all he wants to do is apologize and that even if I never talk to him ever again...he is soo sorry.

 

It wasnt shocking.. it was more like why now? he is getting married in a week. Its pretty pathetic and hell no I didnt call him back. Yes I loved him but I refuse to let him back into my life after all the bulls**t. And besides I am having fun flirting with hot guys lol

 

Well any advice for moving on? Like its weird dating ..I'm still a little rough and stand-offish..its not that I dont like these guys ..I'm just cautious hehe...

 

Well take care and Happy Holidays!!!!

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