Amaranth22 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 This issue bothers me a lot. I am a black female, light brown skin, born in the states. I identify myself as an American above all else. I would date guys of any race, but admitedly more often find myself attracted to guys with "western features." What drives me batty is these guys with "western features" are just not attracted to me and I feel race is the key. I have seen so many guys on dating sites that include every race as desired except for African American. I do not fit the sterotypes but I imagine this is what these guys have in mind. I am a sweet girl, often called cute, but I can't get a date with one of these guys to save my life. Maybe I'm living in the wrong town. Maybe my state is not progressive enough, but it bothers me. Black females often seem to be the least desired "race." I am just venting. Feel free to comment. I'm so sad. I guess I'll just have to get used to being alone because I won't settle for a guy I'm not attracted to. Maybe I'm putting too much emphasis on the physical, but we can't pretend that the physical does not matter. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Lots of guys are attracted to Black women, OP. I have a friend who is half white and half black, and guys were practically hurling themselves after her. I have a thought, and yes I know it's not all about physical, superficial etc. Maybe you should just try a different style. Say with your hair, clothes, and maybe accessories. Just a thought. Link to comment
monkey1 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 blah, skin color is NOT a curse. maybe it is your area or how you dress or something. i don't know. but a majority of us know that people of all races get together, date, get married, have kids and such. don't worry, you'll find a guy who totally loves and wants to be with you who is a great match. by the way, people are attracted to confidence. do you not think much of yourself when you're around guys? Link to comment
yeawutever Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Perhaps it might not be mostly your skin color but your clothing style along with how you fix your hair. I know people that are attracted to blacks and no it's not the least desirable color. Like you, I don't care about race either, I did date a half black, half white guy and now this one I'm currently dating has a grnadfather who's black. As for those people who still think blacks are inferior, they're blind and shallow. Link to comment
Dako Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 My first crush in high school was black and I'm extreeeeemly white. I don't have a point. Where do you live? Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Hmm. Mebbe it is a case of location, but there are lots of men out there who are attracted to black women. It's not a curse! Link to comment
Amaranth22 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Share Posted August 17, 2006 I live in Ohio. I dress very well. I just got a cute new hair cut. I get compliments from old married men--men my own age just don't care. Actually I get the most attention from old black men. Link to comment
Amaranth22 Posted August 17, 2006 Author Share Posted August 17, 2006 I have a lot more confidence that I used to around guys. I can hold a plesant conversation and smile. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I live in Ohio. I dress very well. I just got a cute new hair cut. I get compliments from old married men--men my own age just don't care. Actually I get the most attention from old black men. So maybe you should try clothes that are a little less conservative if you dress conservatively, or vice versa. Try some bold accessories. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Sure it could be a curse, my mother is black, and her inlaws raised hell and have made life miserable for us because of it - I'm not even going to begin to describe what they have done. All I know if my mom was white or something, life would be better at this end. But, let's just say, the inlaws also got their share of grief for what they've done to us, and I'm not going to go there here either. My cousin is Black, and was about to marry a white guy in England, but her mother pulled the plug saying he dont want his son to marry a Black girl, and to cut ties with her. In my church, over a decade ago, a white Pastor liked a Black choir member, but the white mother would not allow it - he had to break of ties with her and ultimate marry another white girl. Don't take it personal, because, if a guy were to accept you, then you have to deal with his family and inlaws who are usually VERY prejudiced, and nobody wants to have trouble. These same guys may go casual with a black woman or go into a casual hookup, but anything further would be another race, or one that can pass. So, in answer to your question, in your situation it is a curse, and I'm sorry about it. But, due to modern technology, it's possible to fix it up. There are some products available that can straighen your hair or lighten your skin colour, and I'd advise you to look into them if you want to appear more 'lighter' in order to have a better chance of appealing to the guys you like. I'm not sure if there is any skin dies or process to change skin colour, so the good news is, with modern cosmetic processes, it's possible to look lighter and have straighter hair. People have been doing this all the time to appear more 'white' and more 'acceptable'. I do not advise you to dress more bold - because you may be perceived like a sex object, or a ho rather than legitimate romantic material, keep your dress code as it is and focus on looking more 'white'. This is very sick advise, but it's a sicker situation and I dont know what else to say. Good luck. Oh, and one more thing: DO NOT DISCLOSE YOUR RACE ON ONLINE DATING, AND HAVE MORE 'LIGHT-SKIN' LOOKING PHOTOS OR DONT PUT A PHOTO UP. Link to comment
rose2summer Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I've got to agree with the teddy, dress a little less conservatively. From my experience, when I dress in black slacks or suits, I get hit on by 30+ age men, when I wear shorts/tee, I get hit on by 20+ age men. You are getting hit on by older men because you may seem very sophisticated, bring on the pastels clothes, and have you tried highlights in your hair, those make you look youthful, and some bright makeup colors (not 80's style of course) like from M.A.C. make-up. That should do the job. I know plenty of men who think black women are very attractive and exotic, and I myself and very fond of black men. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Lukeskywalker, I'm not denying that there are white families out there that are prejudice against marrying black people like you've described. There are also black families who are prejudice against marrying white people. Really I'm not saying its not true. BUT, I know people in black/white marriages, and well take one guy for instance, he was a white guy grew up on a farm, moved out to the city and met and married a lovely black girl. The family loves her. They are the cutest couple. I'm just saying.... Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Well, at least the OP is easily weeding out all the wrong people, the right person who truly likes her despite her skin colours, who is also white, will be the right person. She should pray earnestly to find the right man in her life. The advise I gave about lightening skin colour or straitening hair - well, just pray instead, but I mean that's a given that everyone should know about that stuff. I know allot of Black women feel the same way the OP does, that's why skin lightening products and hair straigtners are always on demand. They feel they have to change their complexion a few shades lighter to get that job or to get the right guy and with the crap that is in this world I dont blame them. Link to comment
Dako Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I'm a white guy who has been attracted to a few black ladies and in one case was only discouraged because she's a lesbian. The black folks in my family aren't bleaching and straightening, and doing okay. I live in Socal. Link to comment
jurupa Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I don't think your skin color is a curse. A curse will be like what I have which is running into girls that have boyfriends or husbands that check me out and even hitting on me. I think your problem that everyone else has pointed out is it may be the way you present your self. Why people went for the clothes I don't know, but you may want to try project a different attidute becuase that gets attention of guys. For example at this shopping center I worked at there was this very attractive african american girl that was always full of energy and fun to be around. And I found her to be very attractive, never got the chance to ask her out tho. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Well, at least the OP is easily weeding out all the wrong people, the right person who truly likes her despite her skin colours, who is also white, will be the right person. She should pray earnestly to find the right man in her life. The advise I gave about lightening skin colour or straitening hair - well, just pray instead, but I mean that's a given that everyone should know about that stuff. I know allot of Black women feel the same way the OP does, that's why skin lightening products and hair straigtners are always on demand. They feel they have to change their complexion a few shades lighter to get that job or to get the right guy and with the crap that is in this world I dont blame them. Sorry not to make light of the problem but I'm white, and my hair is curly too! And I straighten mine whenever I can! I like it straight and besides straight hair as you said, is what's fashionable and has been for years. Oh, well, I guess I could have bigger problems Link to comment
Jinx Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Like others have covered, it can be so many issues and not just skin color, yet that in itself is a major issue to so many people for whatever reason I've yet to figure myself. At this moment in my life, despite being White and perceived as the majority, I'm in an area where saying I'm a Minority is just about perfect or understatement. I've met enough individuals who will not give me the time of day based on the race issue. So many stereotypes and so much prejudice, its always there just more concentrated in certain areas and its expression is different depending on demographics it seems. I've had my instances where someone has just outright told me to go back to where I belong -- where ever that is -- without even trying to get to know me as an individual beyond my skin. Depending on your age group, that may be another issue. There are just certain ages which seem to have a greater percentage of single women and men regardless of race or not. So it may not be race, it may just be the men themselves and the whole situation that is faced with others not showing interest despite best attempts to attract it. It may too be a matter of simple mindedness on the behalf of those men that are in the particular area. Further, Ohio, the area I was in before wasn't all that open minded. I'm sure it like any state has its patches of open to narrow mindedness but that will be a major stopping point. Most people have parents who still have such a No Interracial Relationship it makes it difficult. I was raised in an area where the dominant thought was you can befriend those outside your race but no matter how compatible, you're walking a thin line of acceptance dating them. That may be the issue at hand. There may be those interested but just haven't the gut to go against what their parents believe in, don't want to be disowned. Been there, done that in terms of my life and current relationship and far as I'm concerned people can place whatever label they want on it but I just call it a happy one. Unfortunately, that seems to be a small percentage of individuals who can just throw their hands up in the air, not care what others think is proper in their society and culture and just be happy long as it isn't harming anyone else and makes them happy in life. I don't know how much help I can be, one of the many injustices in life, when people are blinded by what should be such a small matter [skin color]. If we were just colorblind but no such luck in this lifetime. Though, by the sounds of it you're a good person for that man you're looking for that takes the time to stop and think, and hopefully you'll be able to stumble upon that one special individual. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I dont think it has anything to do with your hairstyle or what your wearing. That is just ridiculous. I think it one has to do with whom it is you are wanting to get to know better. I think people are afraid of the unknown. I think your location has more to do with it than your looks or style. I live in Seattle and some of my friends are in interracial relationships. It isnt a problem here and I see plenty of black women with white men. Dont change you you may just have to change locations?? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 I agree with EH about location. I spent 15 years living out in the Midwest and didnt see a lot of interracial relationships. Now that I've moved back to CA, that is very commonplace out here and no one bats an eye. Link to comment
Considerate Empath Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Why does everyone (or ALOT anyways) see black people as black, white people as white etc? I just see humans as humans. Like the other day. I tried to explain to him who Michael Clarke Duncan was. I said: 'Don't you know? That giant guy in prison who does miracles in "The Green Mile".' He answered: "That black guy?". Doesn't things like these get others than me mad? //C.E. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Why does everyone (or ALOT anyways) see black people as black, white people as white etc? I just see humans as humans. He answered: "That black guy?". Doesn't things like these get others than me mad? Yes it goes gets me irritating at hearing those pathethic statements, but it does depends on how the individuals were raised, how and with whom. Though at times, it's also just base on the person, he/she can follow what everyone tells them, that according to them a particular group of people aren't humans, but inferior animals OR they simple chose not to go with what they're being told and instead think of everyone as humans. Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Yes it goes gets me irritating at hearing those pathethic statements, but it does depends on how the individuals were raised, how and with whom. Though at times, it's also just base on the person, he/she can follow what everyone tells them, that according to them a particular group of people aren't humans, but inferior animals OR they simple chose not to go with what they're being told and instead think of everyone as humans. WHAT?? I think that is ridiculous. People explain by what they see not by how they were raised. If they said a racial slur then yes it is a problem. Not if they say "oh the black guy." It is just like when someone says "oh the blonde?" or "the tall girl?" I think it has nothing to do how a person is raised nor if they are following others. Come on now! Really. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Why does everyone (or ALOT anyways) see black people as black, white people as white etc? I just see humans as humans. Like the other day. I tried to explain to him who Michael Clarke Duncan was. I said: 'Don't you know? That giant guy in prison who does miracles in "The Green Mile".' He answered: "That black guy?". Doesn't things like these get others than me mad? //C.E. No, not in that context, it doesn't make me mad. It makes me mad if people were saying something like a slur or a putdown. But in this case his skin color was merely being used as an identifyer. It's no different than saying "the redhead?" or "you mean the really tall guy?". If a movie had predominantly black characters, and you were referring to the white actor, then I would not be surprised to hear someone say, "you mean the white guy?" Link to comment
ElektraHere Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 No, not in that context, it doesn't make me mad. It makes me mad if people were saying something like a slur or a putdown. But in this case his skin color was merely being used as an identifyer. It's no different than saying "the redhead?" or "you mean the really tall guy?". If a movie had predominantly black characters, and you were referring to the white actor, then I would not be surprised to hear someone say, "you mean the white guy?" Didn't I state that???? Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 [/b] Didn't I state that???? Yes, you did, but I didn't read your post;-) Link to comment
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