I was abused for 2 years, not sure why?

[jenlane]

A couple of years ago I got involved with this guy who seemed nice, alot of fun, etc. At the time I was only 23, he was 24. I always had nice boyfriends and could never understand why some of my friends let their bfrnds abuse them.

He really acted like he was crazy about me, calling me everyday, introducing me to his family, telling me hes in love with me , etc. Even my family loved him and thought he was such a "NICE" guy.

I realzie now he was a lying, abusive scumbag.

He basically made a fool out of me to everyone he knows. They all probably talk about me and laugh. He Used me for only for sex and never cared about me at all.

At the time I met him I was in college, and successful as a model. He was a dj/ not in college. I always felt he was jealous of me. Jealous of my modeling photos/jobs. At first he couldnt stop telling me I was beautiful, then he started telling me i was ugly and one of his friends told me he doesnt find me good looking and even average looking girls can be models..

 

He kept in contact with his ex girlfriend and had other

girls as friends. I trusted him enough to think this was true. He also showed me photos of his exs and said "do you think shes pretty"? and he made fun and bad mouthed all of them. Said they were ugly, stupid, etc.I was put off by it but thought nothing of it. brushe dit aside.

 

After about 6 months of dating him he started verbally abusing me very badly. Saying that nobody like me, im very ugly, alot of people he knows say im ugly, im a {Mod Edit}, skank, his sister doesnt like me, i wear too much makeup, im too quiet, im too serious, he even said that my father who had passed away must of thought i was a {Mod Edit}.

Then when we walked in the street he would walk about 6 inches ahead of me while i dragged behind.

I used to cry in the street. he would laugh and say your a filthy {Mod Edit} nutjub.

 

So I did things to make him upset and fought alot with him. Screaming and yelling. Then he would go out to parties and not invite me. One time he invited me to a party, a girl he knows ran up to him and hugged and kissed him on the cheek for a long time, gave me a dirty look. I asked him what that was about? He said i should confront her the. So later in the night I saw her resting her head on his shoulder so I cursed her out and basically made a fool out of myself.

I let him treat me like dirt until finally one day i was on his computer and found about 10 emails from different girls with naked photos to him saying they miss him. Some were strippers. I also found alot of photos in his room of naked girls he recenlty took.

I broke it off, then he sent me flowers, tried to get back together with me, showed up at my house begging.

 

It was the first time that I was in an abusive relationship. Looking back I realize how stupid I was, how I made a fool out of myself, embarrassed myself, etc. I'm very ashamed.

I know he makes fun of me and tells people I'm crazy, etc

I still dont understand why he did it and why I allowed him to treat me that way....why?

 

Last time I saw him i ran into him in the street and he asked me to have a drink with him. He was acted nice then i saw him ignore me and stare at another girl. So i left, he told me that I mus think hes a creep. He still calls me but i never call him back.

[yeawutever]

Don't ever get back with him. Once an abuser, always an abuser.

[jenlane]

I know I dont want to but i'm really depressed that I let it go on for long, i made a complete fool of myself.

[BornToResist]

You're wiser now, right?

 

Don't feel stupid. People fall into this trap all the time (yours truly included) and it doesn't mean that you are dumb or make bad decisions.

 

He took advantage of your kindness and broke you down. This is what they do. That is how it works.

 

Congratulations on getting yourself out of that abusive cycle.

[ElektraHere]

Hun,

 

I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years and he beat me down till I was nothing. He took away me confidence, my strength, and my spirit. He drained me mentally, emotionally, and financially. I am still recovering from it. Yes for the first 2 years after we broke up I was depressed and wanted him back. Why??? I was conditioned to the abuse. It was my lot in life or so I thought. You will be able to get past this you just need to let go. I am still letting go of it all. I have been taking inventory of all the skeltons in my closet and he is one that has been in there long enough. Time for his crappy bones to be thrown out to the dogs.

 

Why do they do it? I dont have an answer for you there. Perhaps lack of confidence in themselves, perhaps no conscience. Not sure just know that you can not I repeat you can not let him still have a hold over you. If so you will always be in this place that you want out of so bad.

[jenlane]

Thanks for the replies makes me feel better. Yea I guess the one good thing is that I got wise. But I wish I could go back in time and never met him.

I wish i did not let him treat me like that. I guess I am consumed with regret.

The worst part is I met some well educated, nice successful men while I was with him and turned them down for him.

Its been a long time since i spoke to him and I dont plan on talking to him ever again.

If i ever ran into him, i would just keep walking.

Everything that happened with him makes me sick, worst part is my family thinks he was so great still.

[ElektraHere]

Yes I think the same way. If only I had listened to my inner voice, if only I would have seen through his mask, if only if only if only. Well hun the if onlys can't change what happened. All you can do is vow to yourself it will NEVER happen again and move away from it. If your family brings him up ask them not to. My family did not like my ex and saw right through him so no one ever brings him up.

 

Move past this and enjoy your life now. You will be glad you did.

[jenlane]

At the time, my inner voice too said he was no good but i ignored it.

Yeah I know your right theres nothing else to do but move on. I made a big mistake so i guess thats all i can do.

[nottoogreen]

Hi jenlane,

 

Welcome to eNotAlone!

 

Please read this article (a bit long and complex, sorry) and tell us how he matches up: link removed.

[jenlane]

Wow thats a great article, explains him almost to a tee. Only thing he didnt do was physically abuse me, and tell me not to hang out with friends and family but he occupied almost all my time.

After reading it I'm glad its over and now I know I will never talk to him ever again.

My friend emailed me his myspace account, he has a photo on there with a bunch of girls and says hes single. Yet i know he has gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend who he was cheating on with me when we first met. All he did was make fun of her.

I feel bad for her but Im glad I'm not her.

[candy604]

wow that article is good, describes some part of my dad to the tee too.my dad is a verbals abuser to my mom, it's gotten better now, but he did alot of those things listed ( comes from a broken family).

 

 

that guy is totally a loser, i'm sorry that you had to go through that for 2 years. must have been so awful.