I'm thinking of having an affair...

[TwiLight172]

I really am scared to because I truly love my bf but I find myself so compelled with a man I recently met. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally attracted to him whereas my boyfriend, I lack that physical component (he's gained weight and is not trying hard enough to lose it). I keep telling myself that I will not talk to this man again but still I continue to. I told him I couldn't do it anymore, we stopped talking for 2 days and then he text messaged me and it all started again. We have not held hands, or even kissed but I can feel the sexual tension between us. I don't know what to do, i don't even know WHY i'm having these feelings for him. Has anyone ever been in this situation? I'm not sure what to do or what to think.

[ElektraHere]

First off twilight you are playing with fire here and could potentially torch yourself. You say you truly love your b/f but that in recent times he has gained some weight. That sometimes happens. Did you fall in love with his looks or with him as a whole (mentally/emotionally/physically?)

 

This guy you are flirting with did you ever think this could be a game for him? I mean there are threads on this site where a gal has been in your position and actually played with the fire. They were burned!! They gave up what they had for infatuation and the guy they wanted so bad bolted.

 

I would say turn and run.. Run as fast as you can to your BOYFRIEND! However, you are going to do what you are going to do. Just think about all the people you will hurt with this if you do partake in it.

[Cid]

I agree with elektrahere. I have been there with my wife, I have to just hide from the world, but that did not help becouse she worked with me. I told her off and told her that I could not talk with her. So some of us have been there.

[brando]

before you have an affair, break things off with your boy friend. He does not deserve to have this done to him. i don tcare what the reasons may be even if he is abusive towards you he does not deserve this.

 

Your not attracted to him, so cut him loose. He is a grown up, he will handle the break up.

 

Just don't have an affair, and try to maintain your relationship with your bf. It isnt right.

[Majoraslayer]

Break up with your boyfriend. If you loved him, you wouldn't be willing to hurt him like this. Obviously you care about nothing but his looks, seeing how as soon as he gains some weight you're willing to stab him in the back like that.

 

Don't cheat; there's no reason to. Break up with him (he doesn't deserve to be hurt like that no matter what he may have done), then do what you want.

[RayKay]

You have to make a choice NOW...not when it gets even more involved.

 

Either you end things with your boyfriend, and pursue things with this new man. Or you decide you love your boyfriend, cut off contact absolutely with this other man and work on the relationship.

 

I can understand when the physical attraction suffers when one partner stops taking care of themselves, though I would suggest encouragement to work out together and eat healthier together are better than cheating?

 

And if that is not something you want to do...end it, BEFORE this goes any further. It's gone far enough. You may not have physically done anything, but emotionally, you are betraying your boyfriend and attacking the relationship.

[TwiLight172]

I'm going to stop things between us before they go any farther. I am seeing him today before i go to work and I'll tell him I can not talk to him or see him anymore. I feel like I dont even know how to act around my boyfriend anymore so I guess I know what to do now.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Haven't you've already done this once, and this guy ignored your decision to not talk anymore and contacted you anyway?

 

To be completely blunt, I think this guy knows you find him attractive and is looking for a little bit of fun. Too bad if he got it from you, he would most likely just be using you, at the cost of the loss of all trust and love from your boyfriend. I mean, if this guy had and inkling of respect or decency, he would have respected your relationship and backed off the FIRST time you tried to do it, if only out of respect for you, if not for your relationship.... Yeah, he sounds like a real winner there. More like a snake is what I think. After all, it's pretty obvious that he doesn't respect you. Oh he may like you, but he didn't abide by your decision, hence no respect.

 

As for your boyfriend, if you're unsatisfied with his physical appearance why don't you take some action and help him lose the weight. More activities, lower fat foods, hint sex you thought he was much sexier thiner.... I could go on and on. Placing everything on his doorstep isn't really that far to him. You're in a relationship after all, and a relationship is a partnership.

 

If you're not willing to be a partner to your boyfriend and go around flirting with other men though... It might be best to break up with your boyfriend because this will end up happening again.

[Beec]

If you have any real idea of the pain and guilt you will cause to your boyfriend and yourself by doing this, you would not. Either that or you are pretty heartless. Frankly, you have already betrayed a man you claim to love, although he may not know it yet, because you are out there approaching this other man in a dangerous manner for improper purposes. So what if you've done nothing, you've been walking in that direction.

 

Dump your boyfriend, or stop this crap. If you stop this crap, then think about how you work with your boyfriend to make thing better. If you dump him, that will hurt too. If you continue with your betrayal, then it's going to really be much worse. Make your choice.

[rose2summer]

This bf loves you, he's gained a few lbs, and now you flee to another man. You have already emotionally cheated on your bf by getting close to this guy, thinking about him in a romantic manner. I don't know your bf, but he surely does not deserve to be dragged through your temptations. Let him go another loving woman can love him for he who is, extra weight or not. It doesn't seem like you really love him, your actions don't match your words.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I'm going to stop things between us before they go any farther. I am seeing him today before i go to work and I'll tell him I can not talk to him or see him anymore. I feel like I dont even know how to act around my boyfriend anymore so I guess I know what to do now.

 

 

Just curious though... If you really are serious about cutting off contact with this guy, why meet up with him? Call him, right now even, tell him you can't see him anymore, say you're sorry, it's wrong, and this time to respect you and your decision to to leave you the heck alone like he didn't do the last time.

 

If he comes sniffing around again, well, then you know he's just looking for some play. Everyone likes being pursued, yes, but do YOU like being used? IE I've delt with players before and everything about this guy just SCREAMS player.

 

There is absolutely no reason you should be meeting up with this guy at all today unless you WANT to meet up with him. And if that is the case.... you might as well let your boyfriend go so he can be with a woman who can stay committed to him. Trust me, if you are 100% serious about working on you and your boyfriend's relationship then hurting this guys feelings/standing him up won't even matter that much to you.

[rose2summer]

There is absolutely no reason you should be meeting up with this guy at all today unless you WANT to meet up with him. And if that is the case.... you might as well let your boyfriend go so he can be with a woman who can stay committed to him. Trust me, if you are 100% serious about working on you and your boyfriend's relationship then hurting this guys feelings/standing him up won't even matter that much to you.

I agree completely, this other guy just finds you to be a delictable piece of meat, and the second you leave your bf to be with him, he will no longer want you, because you are no longer a challenge, just a cheater, and no man wants a cheater, even a player doesn't. I have seen this from male friends time and time again, a woman cheats on her bf with a guy, then the guy thinks she is trashy, and will sleep with her to get his fun, then toss her away like yesterday's newspaper. How highly do you think of yourself? Aren't you worth more than that? I sure think you are.

[Beec]

How highly do you think of yourself? Aren't you worth more than that? I sure think you are.

 

Do you really think that of the OP? You're much more forgiving than I would be. The OP has taken affirmative steps in the direction of having an affair. I'm not thinking she's worth all that much, but if she goes through with it, she becomes relatively worthless to any man worth a spec of salt. If I were single and looking to get some, she would be worth attention to get some, but once we were done, more like once I WAS DONE, I'd be wanting to head for the door.

[rose2summer]

I'm not thinking she's worth all that much, but if she goes through with it, she becomes relatively worthless to any man worth a spec of salt.

 

I think she wants an affair because she is lacking in self-worth and self-esteem. The desire to have an affair is terrible, I feel very bad for this man, and I hope he goes to someone better and leaves because he deserves better than to be ridiculed on these boards about his weight, etc.

[Beec]

I will back off slightly, in my hope of one thing, and only one thing, that the OP came here expecting and wanting people to tell her how wrong it was and try to "slap" her, in a sense, so that she did not do this. If she was reaching out for this kind of treatment, I would think slightly better of her. Still, she ahs taken steps toward screwing around on someone. Not good at all.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I only read the original post, but here is the best advice you can get here:

 

Don't Do It.

 

Either

 

a) Leave your BF and seek out other guys

 

b) Stay with your BF and make a concentrated effort to make it work

 

Affairs mess you up. Not only is the fallout unpleasant, but it screws your head up in ways I don't have time to describe right now. Even though YOU are the one cheating, YOU will cursed with paranoia in future relationships. You'll learn how affairs happen; it'll be easy for you to imagine future partners doing the same. You'll fear Karma biting you in the behind.

 

Even if you don't give a stuff about your BF, YOU will hurt YOU if you go ahead.

[Batya33]

It's very easy. Tell your boyfriend you would like to see other people and then, after you have spent some time on your own, tell this other man that you are now unattached. Obviously if there is something special between you and this other man it will still be there in a few months from now.

[TwiLight172]

I'm not even seeing him at all tonight. I just sent him a text message and told him I wouldn't do it. Hopefully he'll respect me for this because I truly am a nice person and I'm not the kind to cheat... I really am not. I don't know what has gotten into me... it must be a combination of boredom or anger because after 5 years I have no ring on my hand and not even a sock drawer at his house. I'll be ok though. Thanks for the advice.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I'm not even seeing him at all tonight. I just sent him a text message and told him I wouldn't do it. Hopefully he'll respect me for this because I truly am a nice person and I'm not the kind to cheat... I really am not. I don't know what has gotten into me... it must be a combination of boredom or anger because after 5 years I have no ring on my hand and not even a sock drawer at his house. I'll be ok though. Thanks for the advice.

 

Hopefully he will respect your decision... If he DOESN'T though, you will know that he doesn't respect YOU.

 

As for your boyfriend, talk to him. Ask where he sees the relationship going. It might just be that he got a little too comfortable with the status quo. It is OK to communicate your desires to him.

[Hope75]

If you are unhappy with your boyfriend, that is something that needs to be addressed with your boyfriend, not something that will be helped or solved by an affair.

 

At 23, even after 5 years you guys are still young and it is not so unusual to have a long term relationship as you get a little older and more ready in that stage to get married. Have you talked to your bf about wanting to get married?

 

Either way, I hope you will respect yourself, your relationship and your bf enough to know better than to go down this slippery slope.

[Oldboy]

If he's texting you why doesn't he say it with flowers?

That way your boyfriend will get the message as well.