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sometimes, stuff isn't too good. i've had a great summer... i'm on zoloft, so my mood is stable most days, i'm usually much more outgoing than usual which is awesome, and i'm also losing weight and in the best mood ever. today was the first time i drank in about 5 months or so. i never felt the need to. tonight, i was in a depressed mood so i decided to have a few drinks... (bad decision, i know.) soon enough, things start to happen. i end up talking to my ex who i didn't WANT to talk to... and it just turned out that he was over at my house because he's friends with my sister. he basically saw that i was really DRUNK. THEN my mom's boyfriend came over, and i basically showed my drunkenness to him, even though it doesn't really matter. i'm feeling embarrassed right now because we don't really even know each other and now he's seen me drunk. eh... and now i'm feeling even MORE . because i know that none of these people care. everyone has seen me drunk and no one cares... no one cares about me. this probably isn't making any sense, since i'm drunk, but i'm feeling so lonely. who do i have next to me? no one. i'm sitting at a computer. there is no one here. what i don't understand is-- why do i deserve this? i have no one by my side. i feel so depressed right now because i know that i have no one every single night and day of my life and it kills me inside to know that everyone only truly cares about themselves... and oh my god, i am not making any sense right now, i know, but... please help me... i feel so awful.

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Know that your life will get better - sooner or later. Probably be sooner. But in the meantime, drink some water, have a couple of aspirin or some other headache tablet and go to bed and sleep as soon as you can. Some time tomorrow morning, you will feel better.

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Listen - you are an attractive girl who is going through a temporary bad patch and the alcohol is making it seem a lot worse.

 

Not only will things seem better in the morning they will seem a lot better in a month or two and in a year you will be a whole new person.

 

But not if you don't get some sleep right now.

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Hi koolaidnovel,

 

Written rants are useful. You write a lot about people don't care. It seems you miss care.

 

Why are you on zoloft for a long time?

 

Could you please tell what bothers you, what hurt you and what angers you for a long time?

 

good questions... thank you for the response, i feel better today and now i'm embarrassed that i even wrote that stupid "rant" last night. sometimes this site is really helpful because it's like a diary, you can type whatever you want and people aren't allowed to be rude to you, and if no one responds, it's just like you're venting anyway, so it's really helpful.

 

anyway, today was even worse as at work my manager decided she would be really mean to me, for no reason. so THAT, combined with rude customers and the build up of last night caused me to run to the bathroom to cry for a half-hour straight during my break. YAY! i know it's not true, but it seems that as i'm slowly trying to build up lost confidence from over the years... i am getting the most challenges. it's almost like people are TRYING to break me down. i feel so fragile. it's taken me only a semester of counseling at my university to make me realize i need to work on building up my self-esteem, as it's critically LOW. (not good for anyone, obviously.) SO. my foundation isn't really SOLID yet. and thereforeeee, i feel like my new self-esteem and coming out of my "shell" is very fragile and can be easily broken. I feel like i'm walking a tight rope and i can easily fall. it's a scary feeling. i don't want to be the person i WAS before i had counseling and zoloft and sort of a "growing out" phase. i'm so afraid that i'll fall back into that person i was before.

 

anyway, i don't even think i answered your question, but i think that's okay. thanks for your responses... i think i'm going to stay away from the alcohol.

 

p.s. sorry if i offended anyone with my trivial problems and complaints.

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Hi koolaidnovel,

 

You answered many things, thank you. I feel with you that you are afraid to fall back to your state before zoloft.

 

The growing out phase - There is an interesting thread with considers a number of issues. Whenever you are ready please have a look at this thread: and in particular at the post by squarewheel and let us know what you think of the feelings he expressed and what the story of the OP tells you.

 

If you like, you can answer more of my earlier questions whenever you are ready.

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