I have "hope"

[Iknownothing]

I don't even know what my real question is, or if this is the right place to post. But maybe I'm on to something... But I moved, and was pretty lonely - my roommate is an old friend, but he always hung out with his gf. Then, his gf's best friend and I met and, oblivious to me, she had a crush on me for about 4 months. After 4 months, I finally caught on, and we started dating. Like most relationships, the first 3 months were amazing, and I had never met anyone like her. Her longest relationship was 3 months, and mine was 2+ years - so maybe that was a big sign. But after the three months, my bad temper and her avoidance of confrontation left us constantly fighting with results that left both of us steaming. We almost broke up once, but neither of us could go through with it - and then we decided that we'd "ride this till the wheels fell off." We started fighting again, but I was always under the impression that we were still trying, but roughly 3-weeks ago, she started getting impatient with me and complaining about plenty of things about me. Then, after a fight that I thought was over, I went over to her house and brought dinner like she had asked. We (she) basically broke up over dinner, which was a complete shock to me, because just 2 days prior we had a nice dinner downtown and she said I was really really sweet. I was heartbroken, and when I returned her belongings from my place, she straight up told me she had no feelings for me like that at all anymore. BUT, she wanted to be friends, and I tried for a day, before being overcome with how different our relationship would be. I told her I couldn't talk to her if I wanted to get over her - and promptly proceeded to call her 3 days later. Awkward for the first 3 minutes, but then we talked liked we always had. And when I had to go, she asked me to call her later. I did, that night, and she answered as she was getting ready to go out clubbing with her girlfriends. She talked to me for the whole time she was getting ready, and for about 15 minutes while she was driving with her friends. Her birthday is next week, and she invited me to the bar it's at. I declined, and she had no problem with that. I don't know what I'm doing. A friend told me that if I had "hope," I should hold on to it. Not talking to her at all for the first week turned me into a sad sight, and most of my friends told me to forget about it. She still shows signs that she DOESN'T want a relationship with me like that at all, but when we talk, it's like before, except we don't get too deep into "us." She said things like, "My parents miss you. They're mad at me, but whatever." Why even tell me something like that when I already made it clear that I wanted to get back with her? I know my post was too long. Damn, I shouldn't have included the backstory. Thanks for reading, if you're still here - but I just want to know what's going on? Does she really, REALLY just like me as a friend, and have no problem having just that SO soon? How does she just lose any romantic feelings for me so fast, but still want me as a friend? Is she just humoring me? Is there a chance? I guess there's always a chance, but...?

[arwen]

Hey,

 

I am sorry for what you are going through. I think it's best to have no contact for a while. Having hope, and hearing 'only friends' from her is a recipe for a long struggle, and not seeing for a while might cool things down for you a bit.

 

I think it's good you told us a bit about the background. She has little experience in long term relationships, and in addition to that it seems that your personalities keep on clashing, with your temper and her avoiding the issues. Do you really want a future with someone who pushes your buttons by avoiding issues? There is more to relationships than just having romantic feelings, if the match of personalities leads to constant fighting after 3 months, that is not a good sign. We all have disagreements and arguments, but I think after 3 months it's really early.

 

I don't think she lost her feelings, but I do think having hope for a reconcilation is not the best idea for you. It keeps you in a place of doubt, whereas moving on may be painful, at least it's clear where you're going.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[Iknownothing]

Honestly, everyone I know has been telling me to leave it alone, stay NC, and just see what happens in a few months. But I'm stubborn. When I fall for someone, I fall deep - and that's ok, because that's just how I approach things. I don't think I'd want to get back together with her in 6 months or a year after I'd gotten over her - that's obvious to a fault. But I meant that more in terms of if she came back to me then. But, I still want to be with her. I do, that is, until she moves on. She says she doesn't want to date anybody at this point, and she just wants to keep things simple in her life. And I want to be there. If she and I can work things out, then, I have her in my life and I'll be content, because I'm still working on it. The minute I don't want to work on it, is how I finally find closure. That's what I think I mean by hope. I want her in my life - because my feelings are much stronger for her than hers are for me. That's a big sign to "let it go," but I'm going to approach it like I like someone, and I'm trying to start a relationship between us. Before, when we were friends, and she liked me and I wasn't interested, she came in and out of my life, and I never really liked her until she really started showing interest. My best friend told me whatever happens now, has to happen from the beginning, with no baggage between us. So - I'm courting her, I guess you could say. If I'm only setting myself up for failure - then at least I tried. I don't think I'd like myself very much every morning if I didn't try. I'm being a fool. But a cautious fool - I'm going to have to be very patient, not let my feelings get in the way of A friendship, and give it enough room to grow. People say you should never give the other person all the power...I don't know. But thank you for replying - I'm new to enotalone, so it felt really good to actually have 1 reply. Thanks.

[Iknownothing]

phanireddi,

 

Thanks, because it made me feel good to have someone agree with me. Do I love her? Yes. I love her because she's beautiful, and she's not perfect. She's close to being one of the best things in my life. And I like how we make each other to think about things differently. Do I care for her as much as you do for someone you wanted to tie the knot with, that's arguable, but maybe to a much lesser degree, I can feel like it's the same type of love. She's special, and there are plenty of special girls out there - and I have to keep that in mind. This isn't my be all or end all, but I'm going to treat it with the care and conviction that you told me about. Am I ready for pain? I've never been ready, but I'm still here, right? And so are you, I know it's annoying for the POSTer to reply his own post so many times, but I think you're absolutely right. Do what you do, and do it with a clear head. That can either bring clarity or pain. Many times the two come together - be happy. I hope everything works out for the better for you. Thank you for your words.

[Pippa]

Hey guys,

 

Please use correct punctuation, paragraphs, and spaces so other enotaloners can read your posts easier.

 

Right now I m getting a headache, and sore eyes reading huge posts without the necessary paragraphs lol

[Iknownothing]

Is this better? Dang, a guys heartbroken, and you make him revisit 7th grade English. Thanks a lot!

 

I don't even know what my real question is, or if this is the right place to post. But maybe I'm on to something. But I moved, and was pretty lonely - my roommate is an old friend, but he always hung out with his gf. Then, his gf's best friend and I met and, oblivious to me, she had a crush on me for about 4 months. After 4 months, I finally caught on, and we started dating.

 

Like most relationships, the first 3 months were amazing, and I had never met anyone like her. Her longest relationship was 3 months, and mine was 2+ years - so maybe that was a big sign. But after the three months, my bad temper and her avoidance of confrontation left us constantly fighting with results that left both of us steaming. We almost broke up once, but neither of us could go through with it - and then we decided that we'd "ride this till the wheels fell off."

 

We started fighting again, but I was always under the impression that we were still trying, but roughly 3-weeks ago, she started getting impatient with me and complaining about plenty of things about me. Then, after a fight that I thought was over, I went over to her house and brought dinner like she had asked. We (she) basically broke up over dinner, which was a complete shock to me, because just 2 days prior we had a nice dinner downtown and she said I was really really sweet.

 

I was heartbroken, and when I returned her belongings from my place, she straight up told me she had no feelings for me like that at all anymore. BUT, she wanted to be friends, and I tried for a day, before being overcome with how different our relationship would be. I told her I couldn't talk to her if I wanted to get over her - and promptly proceeded to call her 3 days later. Awkward for the first 3 minutes, but then we talked liked we always had. And when I had to go, she asked me to call her later.

 

I did, that night, and she answered as she was getting ready to go out clubbing with her girlfriends. She talked to me for the whole time she was getting ready, and for about 15 minutes while she was driving with her friends. Her birthday is next week, and she invited me to the bar it's at. I declined, and she had no problem with that. I don't know what I'm doing. A friend told me that if I had "hope," I should hold on to it.

 

Not talking to her at all for the first week turned me into a sad sight, and most of my friends told me to forget about it. She still shows signs that she DOESN'T want a relationship with me like that at all, but when we talk, it's like before, except we don't get too deep into "us." She said things like, "My parents miss you. They're mad at me, but whatever." Why even tell me something like that when I already made it clear that I wanted to get back with her? I know my post was too long.

 

Damn, I shouldn't have included the backstory. Thanks for reading, if you're still here - but I just want to know what's going on? Does she really, REALLY just like me as a friend, and have no problem having just that SO soon? How does she just lose any romantic feelings for me so fast, but still want me as a friend? Is she just humoring me? Is there a chance? I guess there's always a chance, but...?

[Pippa]

Hello my friend. Fist of all your grammer was not a personnal dig. It just helps us understand your story a lot better.

 

That wasn`t a long post at all. It helps you bring out all your feelings.

 

To be honest, I don`t think she wants you back. Remember all the fighting? She got pretty fed up of that right? Thats why she broke up with you in the first place. I know you are down. So am I, but like you said,

 

Like most relationships, the first 3 months were amazing,

 

This is the "honey moon period" when you get to know someone. If you get past that, and last a lot longer then maybe she is the one for you. Unfortunately she may not be the one.

 

We started fighting again, but I was always under the impression that we were still trying, but roughly 3-weeks ago, she started getting impatient with me and complaining about plenty of things about me.

 

After the honey moon period, she has got to know you, and she may not like things about you she may have not know before.

 

" She said things like, "My parents miss you. They're mad at me, but whatever."

 

That doesnt necessary mean she wants to get back with you. Thats her parents opinion. Maybe the word "miss" had been used in the wrong context. Maybe her parents had been asking for you.

 

I think the main thing for you is to give examples who causes, or starts the fights. If you cant resolve this then there will be no future for you.

[Iknownothing]

Okay, I just wrote a long post and hit close window by accident - so forgive me if I'm a little peeved.

 

But basically, we argue differently. She wants me to drop stuff alot, and I think sometimes the argument's too important. I know my temper is bad, and that's something after this I've already decided to change, with or without her. Also, we broke up a week after our sixth month anniversary - if that matters.

 

As for our arguments, I guess here's an example. Long story short, I'd been gone for a week and half. I had to drop someone off at an airport after the trip, and that's in Los Angeles. She's in San Diego. The whole time we were apart our conversations were "I miss you! I want to see you!"

 

We had planned a few days prior that we were going to a restaurant the night I was back. At the airport, she calls me and says there's a movie premier that's tonight, can we go. I can't make the showtime, so I say no. she whines so I say I'll try my best to make it BUT, I'll call as soon as I know that I can't.

 

I call an hour before showtime because I'm already sure I can't make 250 miles in an hour and 45 minutes. She doesn't answer for 45 minutes, which leaves 15 minutes till showtime. She had given her phone to someone to hold, because the premier had a no phone policy.

 

I talk to her then and say I really can't make it, sorry, let's do what we planned. She gets livid, which I take offense to because I've been driving 95 miles an hour for almost 2 hours to try and make it.

 

I get there, and she will barely even talk to me. I yell, she yells. My argument is that I just drove 250 miles to try and see you. You turned off our only communication with me 200 miles away. She doesn't actually counter with anything - only that she was mad. I tried to engage the conversation, and she tried to just insist that I was unreasonable. I'm not asking anyone to take sides - that's pointless. But that's kind of how we argue.

 

I know I probably just proved Pippa right in that we're incompatible. I'm not settled on the matter of "us" at the moment anyways. But that's just how it goes down a lot and she got fed up. And thanks for the feedback Pippa. Honestly.

 

I'm pretty sure she has no plans to get back with me either. But I'm sticking around with the intention of seeing if there are any friendly sparks left between us. Feedback is always helpful, whether I'm being a fool or I'm being an * * *. But it always helps to read opinions. Thanks.

[Pippa]

Hey there, Thanks for your information, and opening up. Talking about it is the first step in figuring out what you want. To be honest it doesn`t sound like your incompatabile. There are a few niggly bits that can`t be changed here, and reading your post it sounds like you know what they are.

 

No.1

I know my temper is bad, and that's something after this I've already decided to change

No.2

But basically, we argue differently.

No.3

can't make 250 miles in an hour and 45 minutes

To answer your post, you have to control number 1. Maybe try anger management, and keep things on a level your ex can understand. How you win people over is definitely not through anger. In some situations people avoid conflict.

 

Number two, you have to communicate to each other in a different way. Maybe not argue, but by talking things through like mature adults. It takes time, and patience to learn, and understand each other. Arguing isnt the way to do things. Sometimes it may be a good idea, where the both of you can focus on each other, and talk things through one after the other. Try letting the other half talk for 15 minutes without you butting into her convesation, and then you can give your opinion when your time is due.

 

Number 3 is closely linked with number 2. I m a living example of this, although I wont go into my story. I had a longish distance relationship. Since distance was a factor, you have to agree or disagree (like in your scenario where you disagreed to meet her at the movie premiere, but you have to give reasons to why) how you make plans when seeing each other. If you live far away, you have to make plans further in advance.

 

You`re not going to get back with her unless you resolve any of these problems, but I think the major reason why she left you is the constant arguing, followed by your hot temper. If you can sort that out you can then work on numbers 2 and 3.

 

I hope this helps.

[Iknownothing]

Thanks alot Pippa. I know this is a horrible idea, but I almost want to print out our conversation for her. Haha. At least I'm laughing now!

[Pippa]

The best idea is don`t!

 

DO NOT print anything out, and show her. Some girls may get peeved off with it all. If my ex showed me print outs from someone she had been talking to. I certainly would not be happy. Why you ask?

 

Well for me, I would NOT be happy because if there was a problem. Who is the first problem you should be speaking to? Yes........It should be your partner. Its nobody else`s business, but only for the both of you.

 

Get my drift?

 

So please, don`t print this out.

[Iknownothing]

my bad man! I was just kidding, it just felt like everything makes sense here, so I thought it'd be funny if I just showed this to her and it made sense to her too. My bad, I wasn't serious.

[Pippa]

That`s okay buddy. I need to say this once. Things always look better on paper.

 

The reality is, relationships, and life never are. You can`t go writing stuff , list everything, and the problems you think will magically disappear. They won`t my friend.

 

Your ex may have a totally different opinion on your relatioship.

 

Another thing I need to advise you is, you both need to find out from each other what you both want. At least you still have the friendship connection. You have a chance to prove that you can change, have changed, and you can match up to her expectations.

 

Like I said. Please calm down with the temper.

 

Okay, I just wrote a long post and hit close window by accident - so forgive me if I'm a little peeved.

I m not sure how you intended for people to percieve your post, but being peeved off about a post is nothing. There are other things to be peeved about. Let me give you an example here. Okay, you wrote a long post. What did you do? You went back on and wrote it out again. You can maybe do this with your ex. Okay your relationship failed, but like your post, you can pick up the pieces and try again.

 

Remember, there`s possibly nothing in your relationship that can`t be resolved. Like your post, there is a way to solve the problem of closing the window. Why not copy, save what you write, and that way you can save yourself more aggravation. Then again. What`s a post anyway?

 

Good luck my friend

[Iknownothing]

I have no idea what's going on - hence the handle. But after calling her - I've come to the conclusion that maybe, JUST MAYBE, neither does she. Which is a good thing, right? Because that means she hasn't REALLY made up her mind?

 

I called her yesterday because she told me to call her when I dropped off her birthday present - some things I put together for her, including a booklet I made with comments and stuff from a few of her friends. I called her to let her know, and she was busy. Then, she said she was going to call me later - and she did and we talked about nothing in particular, but it was for over an hour and until she fell asleep.

 

During the conversation, she brought up Disneyland - and I asked her to go, thinking she'd refuse. But she said yes! I'm not sure what I'm doing, or what she's going for but maybe she doesn't quite see us being over yet?

 

Then, before our call ended, she said she'd call me the next day - without me even saying anything. I asked her to come to my open mic at a comedy club in 2 weeks, and she said definitely.

 

Is she just that cool with being friends with me? Enough to act like this 2 weeks after our break-up? If anyone has anything - ANYTHING. That'd help. thanks.

[Pippa]

Hey, Iknownothing, its just too soon to find out if she is just a friend, or if she wants more. Only time will tell.

 

Like I said before, you need to show her that you are different. Make yourself attractive. Lose the temper, and try to work out what needs to be changed to get better, and effective communication for the both of you.

 

There`s no need to drag out the past just yet. Only when they turn up, like the arguments, will this be a test to show that you are different. Remember to calm yourself, and listen to what she has to say.

 

My ex was exactly like this. I did all the phoning, and chasing. I asked her out to a comedy club back in November last year, and she then backed out of it. I guess her best friend got involved as I remember I got a text an hour before she was about to set off for me that her friend turned up. (so watch out you might get a change of mind at the last minute).

 

I would be careful first, and protect your feelings. Be careful that these plans maybe nothing, but just empty promises. On the other hand, she may be interested in getting away for a while with a friend. Like I said, it could be nothing, but just a friend, but don`t go diving in. I d ask her, and probe her how she feels, and what she wants.

 

It took me up to 6 months to find out why my ex left me. I didn`t go bombarding her with questions. When the time or, a situation warrants a question about your relation. Then go for it, and ask her a question. It takes time, and patience. In the end it might be worth it.

[Iknownothing]

I slept one hour last night. But basically, I think I'm going to go to her Birthday party at a bar tonight. I'm going with a friend who has specific instructions to make sure I leave in one piece tonight.

 

The reason I'm going is I want to be able to enjoy being in an environment with her right now. I know that sounds stupid. It is stupid, deep down I know that. But so far, I've already decided that I'm "courting, pursuing," whatever you want to call. Whatever you call it, I'm doing that.

 

And I know this will take time - months. I'm sort of giving it 3 months tops. But! I know it will be hard, and depressing, and I'll be hurt many times. But I want to make sure I walk away from her only after I have to. That's always been the way I get over people, and I'm still alive. So maybe that's worth it.

 

Soooo - basically, I'm going to start now. So far, we're talking almost daily. She's said she'd go to Disneyland with me next week. She's "definitely" going to go to my open mic night at a comedy club. All of that could change in a second for whatever reason. But I'm trying to understand that if I'm putting myself in that position, I have to be prepared, or at least willing to accept the fact that uncomfortable positions for me will arise.

 

I will see her talking to other guys, maybe dancing - having an excellent time without me. I have to be okay with that to the extent that I give her freedom even when I'm around. This is almost a test - I want to do it on her birthday, where at least guilt from the chance of ruining THAT for her will keep me in check. I'm going to try to be comfortable, happy, and pleasant. And witty, and funny, and most of all - crazy.

 

I can do this, right?

[Iknownothing]

So, we had dinner last night, and the basics of our conversation (besides me moping and looking at her through puppy eyes) focused on how she doesn't have any romantic feelings for me anymore. She said she still thought I was cute, but my personality (my temper) took away that for her.

 

I asked her why it was so easy for her to just walk away from "us" and be friends with me the next day, and she said it wasn't easy. She said she cried everyday for the first week, but she has a lot of things in her life to make her forget or not think about it. She says she missed me, but she doesn't feel that way about me anymore. She really strongly stressed that we should just be friends.

 

I tried the whole "we can work on this, and we should give this another chance" speech, and she said not now. Not for a long time, for her to think. She said she hasn't been seeing anyone or dating or flirting, just going out to clubs and dancing. I don't know how much I believe her about that. When I brought up that someone asked me out, which was true, she asked why I didn't go? She said you shouldn't base your life around me.

 

I know I should, but I don't want to be the first person to push the other one away by dating or starting to see other people. I asked why she didn't see another chance for us, and she said didn't see herself with anyone at all right now - which can also be recognized as a cop-out answer to appease an ex.

 

She then asked why I couldn't tell that her wanting to be friends with me WAS my second chance? Without being friends, we wouldn't really HAVE a relationship. She says she's keeping me in her life because...I don't think she really answered that...

 

She said she doesn't see anything now, but thats only because she's not looking into the future, just at the moment we're in right now. She says her mind could change any minute, but her answer to all of my questions right now are that she doesn't know.

 

I don't even know if I have an answer, or a question. But I guess I'd like to see what people thought about what she said...?

[lady00]

I tried the whole "we can work on this, and we should give this another chance" speech, and she said not now. Not for a long time, for her to think. She said she hasn't been seeing anyone or dating or flirting, just going out to clubs and dancing. I don't know how much I believe her about that. When I brought up that someone asked me out, which was true, she asked why I didn't go? She said you shouldn't base your life around me.

 

She can't hear change in you. She has to see the change. I know that sounds a bit silly but seriously, saying you want to work on things is about the same as promising to change and be a better partner. But she won't believe she can be unless she actually sees the change. Do you believe you have even had a chance to change yet? Is your temper in change yet? Take an extended break from the daily conversations. Work on yourself, work on the things that you think you do that negatively affect your relationships. The things that your ex didn't like may also be things that you don't like about your behavior and want to change. If she is ever to change her mind, then you will need to effect change within yourself, real visible change. And that requires time, time away from her. The time will also help you move on and gain more control over your feelings for her so that you can see the situation more objectively and help you see the positives and negatives of trying to get back with her more clearly.

 

She also should know that you're not around waiting for her. Accepting dates is actually a good idea for you right now and I doubt that will push her further away than she is right now. The likely effect of this on her (if any) would be that it would raise her eyebrows a bit...she would become curious about you if she got the sense that you were moving on and dating others...in such a scenario, you should not take the bait right away. Simply acknowledge that you're dating and having fun and end it at that. What could drive her away would be boasting about it or purposefully trying to make her jealous over it. But simply dating and having fun with other women is actually a good thing for you and for your hopes to reunite with your ex.

[Iknownothing]

Hey Lady,

 

Thanks for the response. Would it change your opinion about your advice if she might have seen it as me having a double standard?

 

At dinner, I also mentioned a girl who just showed up at my door after I met her at a bar, then while we didn't do anything - she actually left upset and said,"Well, call me when you guys REALLY break up" over her shoulder - and she was upset, maybe not about me "dating," but because I expressed, EXPRESSED, not begged or asked her, that I couldn't deal with her dating or seeing other guys.

 

She said, how can you say that, and go do something like this? I said but WE DIDN'T do anything. And she asked how I'd feel if she told me the same story. And for whatever reason, I said I'd hate it and I'm sorry. I think I was more so apologizing for the double standard.

 

Later that day, I had been bringing up something annoying, and she said, if I can't date other people, you can't bring that up anymore. The topics were unrelated. I quickly said, "Is that a deal?" in a joking manner. She said no sort of emphatically.

 

But, does it sound like she was considering the option, or was she trying to shut me up and it was a slip of the tongue?

 

She says she doesn't want to see other people, and maybe the only reason she's doing it is cause she knows I'm so caught up and I probably won't?

[lady00]

That does change things somewhat. I can see why you would tell her that you did not want to date others. I still think it's a bad idea that you told her it would hurt you to see her date others. People hate feeling controlled. Even though you did not tell your ex that she could not date others, she still feels that way. As you said in your post, she said "well if I can't date others then ___" see right there...she doesn't feel free to do whatever she wants to do. Getting back together with someone and/or healing from a breakup is not about making them feel like they have to do what you want or expect. It's about their freedom of choice. Encourage her to date. You may be surprised by her reaction. By encouraging her to date, you will be letting her know that you want her to feel free from any obligation to you.

Maybe the reason she's telling you she doesn't want to date others is that she doesn't want to cause conflict with you or get into any kind of situation where she is made to feel guilty. Give her back her freedom of choice. Act like nothing she does bothers you and you will start to believe it and that may have an impact on her too. You want to minimize conflict in this situation and give her a sense of freedom of choice to do whatever she pleases. Best case scenario, this will have two effects: she will feel drawn to you (because there is less conflict between you) and you will feel much more in control of your emotions once you fully let go of any control over your relationship with your ex and over the possibility of her dating others. Worst case scenario: your new attitude will have no impact of on her but you will still feel better and more in control over your emotions and be able to move on from this.

 

Bottom line: remove the point(s) of conflict between you two and she will feel more comfortable around you. Make yourself less available and it will benefit you tremendously and it just might draw her to you as well.

 

Good luck!

[Iknownothing]

Now, I guess I'm going to try to narrow this down to physical advice. Should I stop talking to her so much? Should I just try to narrow down our contact to when we're actually going to see eachother?

 

I talk to her an okay amount still, but she never calls me unless I call first. She returns my calls and my texts. But she doesn't make it a point to contact me. All the plans we've been making are my ideas.

 

I don't know whether to believe her or not, but from our conversations, I think this is what's happening. She doesn't have any romantic feelings for me anymore - but she hasn't shut the door yet for whatever reason. She said that our friendship was our second chance( to see if something could grow from that?), but she could always have been saying that to get me to stop "trying."

 

All her answers are "I don't know." All her feelings are non-existent. She'll talk to me, and seem to have no qualms with it at all. She has no problem going to Disneyland, going on a 480 mile road trip(well, she's still thinking about it, but she seemed like she was really considering it). She agreed to dinner with me alone.

 

Is she trying to let me down easy? I have a female friend who I confide in a lot, and she hates my ex because from the same stories and updates I give here, she says my ex is just trying to not feel guilty, but doesn't want anything, doesn't expect anything to happen, and is just unwilling to be the bad person by saying: LOOK! WE'RE OVER! MOVE ON!

 

I want to be rational, not driven by lust, jealousy, feelings of lost love. I want to talk to someone who really enjoys talking to me - to hang out with someone who means it when she says she wants to. Could it even be possible that she DOESN'T know she's leading me on? Or, is it kind of what she wants - to really just let everything happen naturally and not worry about it? I've never really understood how she could just act so carefree and natural around me right after we broke up.

 

I want to call her right now - and I have just about ALL of my friend's voices in my head calling me an idiot and how that's the wrong thing to do. We're planning on Disneyland on WEDS, so should I wait to call her TUES? This is like having a crush on someone in Junior High...

 

I want to call her now, have a nice, personable, and entertaining conversation. Does she sound like she wants to hear from me like that at this point? She calls me back when she says she will, she asked me to call her when I got home the day before when I was driving tired to make sure I got home.

 

Am I asking too many questions?

[Iknownothing]

I know I'm one of the whinier ones and I'm kinda getting myself into what I'm into...what with Vagabonding on the NC advice. But here's an update if anyone's interested, and/or cares to share a little insight...

 

I've dropped my contact to just an instant message here and there with my Ex. I've been trying to keep my mind off things by hanging out with all the people I know - and I ended up being introduced to a female friend of a friend. We hung out twice in groups, then she asked me to hang out with just the two of us.

 

We did twice, and on the second night - we ended up back at her place and we ended up kissing. But as soon as that went down, I pulled back and tried to make it clear that my headspace right now is more than clouded and this was a bad idea if she liked me already. She said she totally agreed and we just went to sleep. In the morning - I woke up and she immediately tried to kiss me. Then almost 10 seconds after that, I got a text message from my ex. It was probably the oddest feeling I could have ever got - here I was, lying in bed next to someone who was very cool, and who seemed like she was into me, and as soon as I open my eyes, I get a text from the ex - it was 7am.

 

Long story short, I invited my ex on a 480 mile road trip after our break-up, and she said yes. I told the new friend about the trip. but I didn't mention I wasn't going alone. She then invited herself along, and I didn't say no, but I didn't confirm anything. I just said yeah to her "maybe I can come along."

 

Now, my best friend is yelling at me (he's the person I'm driving to visit) to not take either girl, and just drive 480 miles by myself so I can clear my head and not lead this new girl on and not complicate things by driving with someone who makes me crazy with a million different emotions.

 

I don't know if that counts as a relationship problem - or if it counts as me digging myself a deep ditch. But if anyone has anything to say, or yell at me in exclamations, that'd be nice...thanks.