Signs he's just in it for a hookup?

[amb1873]

Just wanted some feedback as to how to tell, in the initial stages of dating, if a guy is interested in a relationship or just a fun hookup. What do guys do differently in each case?

 

I went out with a guy last night and had a good time. He emailed me today asking if I would want to do dinner and drinks tonight. I thought that was weird because it seems a little soon. Additionally, he has to drive like 30 minutes to hang out with me! My best guy friend told me "He's putting forth too much effort. Be careful- he might be in it for the wrong reasons". But again, he is my best guy friend and overly critical of every guy I meet.

 

So, does that make sense to you guys out there? What are some other signs?

[onewithbooks]

It might be too earlly to tell, just go and have a good time and if you feel pressured, then you will have your answer.

[orgasmictofu]

Did he make a move the first date? Try to get you in the sack?

 

You just have whatever fun you want to have. If you want to wait before getting too intimate in the relationship, just know that you can say "no". If he's just in it for a lay, he'll move swiftly along.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I don't know if he's in it just for a hook up, but if he's calling you at the last minute to see you again, and you just saw him last night, and you feel that it's a bit much, then it's possible he's simply trying to move the relationship along too fast. It's up to you to decide the pace that's comfortable for you. If you think tonight's too soon, then perhaps suggest another day. If he is acting like he needs to see you now or never, then that's not a good sign, he could be controlling, needy, etc. One of my friends is currently going through almost the same situation with a guy.

[amb1873]

Last night ended up being a pretty late night and we both had quite a bit to drink so I knew immediately when he asked I would say no... I'm too tired and just want a night to myself. I asked him if Thursday would work and he was good with that. He didn't try anything last night that I could tell... I did give him a goodnight kiss but that is all (and not a goodnight makeout session to clarify! One simple kiss!).

 

Only thing is, is that I have hung out with him before, as friends, when we were both dating other people. Only one time but I got the impression then that he might be a bit commitment-phobic. His behavior now seems a bit unusual to me is all.

 

But yes, you are right. I don't have to do anything and I know that. If that's all he wants then it will end sooner rather than later!

[joeshmoe]

if he's just looking to hook-up, he probably wouldn't call you the next day. Typically, if guys are just looking for "fun" they'll string you along a little, not call for a couple days & generally be unavailable, unless it's convenient for them.

[Meow18]

If he's just in it for the hook-up, he will show no interest in getting to know you.

 

And if he brings up sex, and you say you aren't quite ready for it yet with him.. well if he stays around, then that's a good sign. But if he stops calling, then that's a sign that he's only looking for one thing.

 

Just take it slow.

[dreadhead]

So far there doesn't seem like there's anything suspicious. It could just be that he likes you and is keen to see you again. If he starts pressuring you or making you feel uncomfortable then that is when you can tell him to back off. It's normal for some people to be a bit hasty when they firstmeet someone, so just play it cool for now and see what happens

[amb1873]

Just to clarify- I wasn't suspicious until my guy friend said something and I was just wondering if this was one of those Mars/Venus things that I totally wasn't getting! I'm glad to hear that it doesn't seem to be the case. I generally try to take people at face value and trust that they are without ulterior motives.... Sometimes I'm a little too naive though

 

Thanks guys. I guess I can report after we go out on Thursday and see what happens

[Surreal_Desire]

I think you should be a little on your guard with this guy, while not rejecting his offers of going out...so have fun, enjoy your time together but try to see the signs or read his attitude and see if he seems serious about the relationship or if he's just in it for a one-night-stand or something short-lasting like that.

 

Good luck

[amb1873]

Ok, just to give an update on this. He's most definitely not in it for a hookup and is just really really interested.... So, I guess my guy friend was wrong and I need to trust my own instinct and take people for their face value! Definitely still going to take it slow but after tonight it's pretty obvious to me he's in it for more than that.... Thanks for the advice though!

[REDIRECT43]

I've always been VERY VERY wary of a guy who tries to wine and dine me. The more effort he puts in, the more red flags go up for me. Any guy who is that eager to date me has some alterior motives. Now if he were to ask to go get coffee..I would oblige. It's very casual and he's not putting in too much effort. It basically says he wants to get to know me, but is not trying so hard to. I would be cautious if I were you. It could go either way, but I would definitely keep my guard up.