Family Secret?

[Phoenix_girl]

Ok I don't know how to really start this. Recently I have felt that my family holds a secret and that I may be the centre of that secret. I have discovered different things that may be nothing, and on their own are just weird, but taken together they make something that appears to be more then just a coincidence.

 

I suspect that my parents are not my parents. But i dont think this is your typical hidden adoption. I want to get some information, but I dont know how to go about it. Any time i tried asking my mother she would have a breakdown, my aunts ganged up on me and told me that blood type doesnt mean anything. I believe i was born of both my familes....jsut differnt family members. But no one will tell me anything. My aunt and uncles would never go against the family and reveal anything, and there are very few cousins who would have been old enough to be aware of anything. I just seem to hit one brick wall after another. Does anyone know a way that i might be able to gather some information to put my confusions to rest without causing a family meltdown?

[lilac_indi]

wow thats a strange situation you are in. is there absolutely no one in your family that you can sit down with and have a long talk with? someone that you can trust and be open with?

[xpress]

Phoenix girl...are there any agencies in your area that could provide some guidance? These days, there seems to be so much available in every area to handle different situations. Perhaps even an adoption search agency could offer some direction. As difficult a spot as I'm sure you feel you're in, I'd be willing to bet there are others out there who have faced similar issues. It's amazing how much it helps to have a sounding board from someone who understands your predicament. I certainly wish you the best in dealing with this.

[Phoenix_girl]

If there is, I'm not sure who. Both sides of my family are involved and neither side openly discusses things like death, divorce, adoption, or illegitamate children. My aunts on my moms side have already ganged up on me against this. Dad's side wont speak out out of respect for my grandmother......3/4 of my grandparents are dead and the one who is still living has dementia (she has said some things that have made me suspicios, but im not allowed to see her alone).

My best bet are my cousins. On my dads side, none of them are old enough to have been aware of what was happening. On my mom's side, theres maybe 6 or 7 who were old enough to know a thing or two and one of them i suspect of being my father. He's the one i think would talk. I have seen him only twice in my life (that i can remember) and we have this really strange connection. Its something thats always been there. We had emailed back and forth for about a year (he was helping me deal with abuse that i had suffered through my childhood) and the way he would talk to me is not how a cousin would talk to a younger cousin hes barely seen. He always called me "TaraBaby".

If anyone would talk it would be him......the rest of them i dont know. I'm not sure how to discretly ask questions or bring it up.

[RayKay]

Hmm, at your age it would seem you should know the truth.

 

Well, it's not that unusual....I know a girl whom for example grew up with an older sister...only to find out later she was her mother....and her parents were actually grandparents as they raised her as such.

 

There are other situations where a child is the result of an affair, or worse, a rape, and the family chooses to protect the information from the child.

 

There is no way to "prove it" if you feel something is amiss without their agreement, why do you feel something is amiss though? Other than suspicion of course?

[Phoenix_girl]

Thx. I've been trying to find some sources that could help guide me. An adoption search i dont think would work because i dont think its what would be referred to as a legal adoption.

[Phoenix_girl]

My suspicious are based mainly in the fact that my parents blood types don't match up with my own. I am type A and my mom is type O....my dad is type B (95% sure).

Other then that its a lot of specualtion that added up doesnt make sense and it comes from two sides of the family.

On my dad's side, there is a pink bedroom that was never used. my grandparetns built the house and they had 4 sons to my knowledge......when they built the house, 3 of the boys were still living at home, and they shared the blue room. The pink room was pretty much left empty, or so i am led to believe. My grandmother mentions someone named Emily from time to time and no one will tell me who she is or was.

On mom's side, my cousin's brother in law claimed to be my uncle. the rest of the "specualtion" is hard to explain.

There are also no pictures of me before i was 2 weeks old (and dad took pics of everything in my life growing up) and there are no pics of mom pregnant.

I knwo its a lot of specualtion, and normally i wouldnt even think twice, except for the fact that when i ask questions, i'm told "not to worry about it" or "drop it" or "its not important". Probably the biggest thing besides the blood type thing is that my middle name is Ann......my aunts name is also Ann and Aunt Ann is the mother of the cousin i suspect of being my father.

[robowarrior]

Not intending to hurt you or anything but my gamble (shot in the wild) is that you are born from incest, i think your grandfather is actually your dad. Probably your mom was abused during her youth, and conceived a child from that, this is the only explainable reason to me why your mom would have a nervous break-down every time you ask for it.

[yeawutever]

Wow that's the weirdest family situation I have heard. You might want to sit down with them and calmly tell them what you been feeling for so long. Ting is they might be afraid of your reaction b/c a handful of people your age will act in a very immature way and not talk to them for a while. They probably must be thinking that if they tell you the truth then you'll be anger at them, when in reality you'll love them the same, nothing will ever change. Before they get to tell you anything, tell them that they're still your family and that whether you're your real parents or not, that it won't change cuz they're the ones that raised you and care about you, that's what matters. But I do agree that at 22, you're way old enough to know it.

[Phoenix_girl]

That might be plausible except when i was born my mom (the one who raised me) was 31 and living away from my grandparents.

[arwen]

Girl, you deserve to know the truth. I don't remember biology classes too well, but my bf is a biologist and he recently explained the system of bloodtypes. I googled some more for you, on this page you can see a combinatory system. I doubt that this is really helpful, there is no 100% predictability from bloodgroups!

 

link removed

 

I won't assume anything about your family here. That would just worry you, and no one here can say for sure what has been going on and why communication is so vague in your family. When you were younger, did you go to the same family doctor as your parents? I think it would be wise to consult the doctor who knows about your family.

 

It IS odd that there are no pictures of you being newly born or your mom being pregnant. But still, as you say, it doesn't really say anything, it just makes the pile of suspicious things bigger.

 

Talk to your doctor and ask him for guidance in searching for the truth. I think the law would state that you are entitled to know who your genetic parents are, but I am not sure people can be obligated for testing.

 

Ilse

[Phoenix_girl]

Things wont be the same.....not because I would be immature about it, but because my parents abused me. I feel nothing toward them now, and i never have, even before the abuse. I acknowledge them as mom and dad cause thats what i am required to do. Finding out that they are notmy parents would release me from the emotional strangle hold they have on me........so you might say im biased in wanting them to not be my parents (hey, ill admit it), but i can accept that they are my parents if thats how it comes out. theres just a lot of weird things that dont make much sense to me.

[xpress]

Thx. I've been trying to find some sources that could help guide me. An adoption search i dont think would work because i dont think its what would be referred to as a legal adoption.

 

If not an adoption-search agency, then perhaps another caring, trusted adult who can at least lend direction. If your immediate family is unwilling to speak about it, you may want to let it rest there for a bit. It sounds like there is someone (a cousin, perhaps) who may know the truth. Perhaps gently, through persistent discussions or e-mails, even, you may be able to find some things out from him. I wish you luck in putting your mind at peace in all of this.

[Phoenix_girl]

Yes i took genetics and did very well. Blood type inheritence is the most simplest inheritance out there. We all get two alleles - one from each parents. O is recessive, and A and B are codominate over O. So if someone has type O blood then they can only pass on an O. If someone has type B then then can only pass on a B or an O (the O in this case would be in the genotype but not expressed phenotypically)......no A's. *sigh* it is complex and I am going to have to talk to my doctor next chance i get. He is apparently the one who delivered me so he would know if i came from my mother or someone else........If on the rare chance Mom had an affair and im the product of that, that might be harder to figure out.

[arwen]

That of course might be an option. That might also explain a lack of photos of a happy pregnant couple, but still... only a genetic test can really prove your suspicions. I hope you find a way to figure out the truth. Keep us posted and take care,

 

Ilse

[Entomon]

Hi,

 

Given your family blood types, it's very possible that your dad is not your biological dad. And Genetics prove; only a type O mother and type A father can give birth to a type A child.

 

You're in a tough situation as no one in your family is obliging to your inquiries. Try establishing a comfort level with the uncle that you've been corresponding with and perhaps he'll soften up to you. Also, you mentioned the doctor who delivered you. He/she is a good start too.

 

Good luck. And I hope you find the answers to which you seek and peace of mind.