Going through the motions...

[Akira]

Well, I'm not sure how to go about this. Literallly everyone has experienced what I'm about to write about so I hope at least someone can offer some helpful advice.

 

I've come to the conclusion that if you can't stop thinking about someone (in a good way) then surely you must have feelings for them. If they are easy to talk to and are warm towards you then you build the confidence to share how you feel.

 

There is someone who I think I have fallen for (I just cannot stop thinking about them) and although it felt artificial, I told them I fancied them by email. It was a very brief message (hi, it's me. It's past 1 o'clock. I think I fancy you, what do you think? Share this information and die). I don't like to be overtly sentimental so I tried to exercise the darker side of my sense of humour (I don't know why). I am now playing 'the waiting game' so to speak and waiting for some sort of response.

 

I just wish there was an easy way to 'initiate' a relationship instead of going through the motions of exposing how you feel, waiting for a response, combating the feelings of awkwardness and low self esteem, thinking of what others will think... I just get so excited at the thought of being with them. I'm sure people can relate to that? You meet someone and you just feel so happy. I might be utterly alone in saying this but I have a tendency to create my own reality where I imagine what it would be like to be with someone and I just dwell on it so much that I think everything is possible. That is what gave me the confidence to share how I felt in such a low-key fashion. It's a bit hard to explain.

 

How does everyone here ease (or rush) or flow into a relationship? How do you help the friendship morph into what you desire - something more.

 

I am female and considering that maybe some guys would find it too brash for the girl to make the first move. The more I think about that though the more I find it to be bull * * * *. I feel something and want make it into a reality and not something that 'could have been'. That shouldn't be gender-orientated.

 

Sorry, I have blabbed. Sometimes I feel so different from people and thereforeeee unable to initiate things like relationships without the rush of imaginative excitement, the fear, the self-doubt and thinking I'm an idiot who should have kept quiet. Whoa! Too many words. I'd really like some responses though, cheers.

[rowboat]

I dont think there is anything you can do but wait and see. I would not worry about it too much. They might sort of freek a bit, but if they like you as well I am sure it will work out.

Sorry I cant really be of much help, as I do these sort of stupid things all the time, and I keep telling myself not to do it again and it just does not work, I keep doing it(well not this last time). Just sit back and relax and see what happens.

[Aurian]

If he likes you back, he should be flattered, not freaked. Am I wrong, guys?

[eremy]

wrong you are not. I'd be flattered.

[Seko]

I don't understand - how can you "think" you fancy someone, especially if you think it feels artificial?

I, personally, do not think that thinking about someone a lot means you fancy them. I have had good friends whom I thought of a lot, becuase I had lots of fun hanging out with them, I had great conversations with them, they were funny, they had done something to hurt me, or a whole array of other things.

 

When you like someone as more than a friend, there are other little signs. Personally for me, even if I think about them a lot, I might not realize that I like them in *that way* until I see them and feel little electric sparks run through my body (haha it's hard to describe the feeling, but it often happens when I start to like someone). Either way, it doesn't really feel artificial. I *know* I like them.

 

 

That said, I think it probably wasn't best to write an e-mail. I am of the opinion that the best way to bring up these topics are in person. You put yourself more at risk of embaressment, but you get it over with quicker (and yo yourself mentioned you don't like 'the waiting game'), and in truth, I think it's just kind of lame to approach these things over the internet (phone is a bit better, but not much).

 

I think a lot of people fantasize and "create their own realities", while thinking about the person and what could happen if they were together. So that part isn't weird. However, getting a relationship to happen and work takes a lot more than fantasizing. You need to put your thoughts into action. Be flirtateous, playful, make body contact, etc. You can't just express how you feel by telling him, and expecting him to like you back. You've got to try and win him over first! That is how you "flow into a relationship"

[BlueWolf]

"Too brash for a girl to make the first move"?

I believe that if you are interested in someone, you should let them know, no matter what sex you are. These notions that it is unnatural for a girl to make the first move are ridiculous.

 

The good news: If they find you interesting they would not care if you contacted them in person, by email, by phone, blackberry, Morse code, or through 1” little handwritten notes. And they should not freak out.

 

The bad news: Obviously the waiting game. I’ve played it a few times with some success and some failure. The thing right now is that you don’t know if you’ll get a positive response, a negative one, or no response.

 

The bottom line is this: You are trying to find out what they think about you, and you made the first move. That is great.

Again, IMO, there are better ways of communication specifically which benefit you because you want to avoid the waiting game, since it is tedious. However, whatever their feelings tell them, that’s how they would respond. It is ridiculous to think that their response might be more positive in person rather than from an email response. Either way, you’ll find out – unfortunately that will take time. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a response soon.

 

Good luck.