Confused...

[unsuregem]

Well I have been in a relationship for a year and a bit & I'm goin away in September to study so I'd be only back home during the Summer. At first my ex-boyfriend was down about my decision to study overseas and he was acting weird towards me but we got pass that complication. The thing that bothers me it seems as though he doesnt have that much time for me & I'm thinking September is around the corner & he should be willing to spend more time with me, instead he is checking for his friends (who is going to b around him when im gone) & partying quite often and not even inviting me to go with him. Honestly the more I think about it the worse I feel, and when I get vex about him going out so often (it doesnt cross his mind that it is the fact that he doesnt ask me or even organises ride and so on for me to go with him). The reason why I didnt tell him about it is because I dont think I should have to point out everything to him. (Boyfriends are suppose to take out their girlfriend anyway). So I decided to break up with him because it seem as though I was wasting my time. A relation ship takes two & it seems as though I'm doing all of the work also when I let him know of things that are bothering me he either says im miserable or he doesnt have much input & it does get frustrating.

 

Am i wrong? I do love him but its only so much someone can take...Glad to hear your views. Thanks in advance.

[Relationship Coach]

Are you wrong? No. You did this because he was not making you a priority in his life and that was his mistake. Now maybe because you are leaving he has already written the relationship off, if that's the case he should of had the stones to break up with you so you could enjoy yourself instead of wasting your time. Acknowledging that you still love him is good but what it says is you love yourself more and that's what is important here. This may be his defense mechanism taking over but he has gone about it the wrong way. Communication is the key and he's keyless. Focus on having some fun before going away and don't second guess yourself.

 

RC

[lonestar_80]

It sounds like he is a bad boyfriend. I don't know what to tell you. I have been with a guy like that. The best thing you can do is to try to get over him. HE is not worth you time. He is careless.

[friscodj]

Hey unsuregem-

 

Three things jumped out at me in reading your post in big ways:

 

1) You say he is your ex and you are expecting things from him? Why would you expect anything from your ex?

 

2)

The reason why I didnt tell him about it is because I dont think I should have to point out everything to him.(Boyfriends are suppose to take a their girlfriend anyway).

 

Communication is absolutely essential in a relationship. I've found (and learned the hard way) when you start playing these communication games, expecting the other person to know "what to do" or "how you feel"...this isn't the way to go... Make your feelings known to him, tell him what would make you happy, and then see how he responds and if he follows through with it.

 

I also don't think the weirdness has been truly resolved with your decision to leave either. He may be acting this way as a defense mechanism, not wanting to get too close and face the subsequent detachment of having you leave. In other words, he may be weaning himself away from you to make the separation easier. But again, this is speculation and the real answers will come from communication and then following up on that verbal communication with action...or lack thereof...

 

3) It sounds to me if you are able to decide to leave him because "it was a watse of my time", your heart isn't invested in this. Shoot, after a year+ together I would think the break up would have torn you apart if your heart was in it...

[unsuregem]

Hey friscodj

 

Three things jumped out at me in reading your post in big ways:

 

1) You say he is your ex and you are expecting things from him? Why would you expect anything from your ex?

 

Let me clarify..we only broke up a few days ago...so its still fresh & as I said I do love him

 

3) It sounds to me if you are able to decide to leave him because "it was a watse of my time", your heart isn't invested in this. Shoot, after a year+ together I would think the break up would have torn you apart if your heart was in it...

 

I also didnt say that it didnt affect me...it did & still is that is the reason I decided to post my problem in the first place..If I didnt care, I dont think I would have posted anything to begin with. STUDY IT!!