Q: for all ladies: European Hand-shake vs. lip-kiss.

[Luke Skywalker]

A European Hand-shake, as defined from someone in the sosuave board is when someone takes your hand, and kisses the top of your hand.

 

I was thinking of ending a date or positive flirting interaction (in some cases) with this new routine: Do a European hand-shake, and tell the date "Madmoiselle, it has been a pleasure meeting you." in a fake French accent.

 

Do you think a European Handshake is as or more romantic than a lip-kiss on a first-date with someone -without being as forward or risky as a lip-kiss on a proper case?

[DN]

I think the hand-kiss may work although there is a danger she may get a fit of the giggles. I would not recommend the fake French accent - too cheesy IMO.

[robowarrior]

A hand kiss is a very delicate and exquisite gesture. The circumstances in which it is appropriate to give such a romantic expression of your affection in such a manner is an act of love consealed in a formality. So only occasions placed in formal circumstances will do in places like restaurants, art gatherings, near plains with fountains. Such a handkiss is only to be given when one just meets, or when one bids farewell. Or in other words its not a MCDonalds kiss, so wether its a proper case is determined by your surroundings and wether a formal occasion is taking place.

 

To be honest and quite sadly a handkiss isn't used quite often anymore.

 

But hey you can give it a try.

[annie24]

hm. the only times I've had my hand kissed and been flattered are when they:

 

1) came from european men saying good bye to me at the end of the night!

 

and

 

2) from my past boyfriends, when I did something they thought was cute, they would laugh and kiss my hand very spontaneously.

[sophie274]

I would find it really cheesy. I would much rather get a real kiss.

 

Also, although called a handkiss, you never actually touch the hand with your lips. That would of course have been extremely inappropriate when the handkiss first came about, and it is still done this way today.

[perfectliljewel]

well if my boyfriend did it first of all it would be hilarious because of the type of guy he is but its romantic and as for the accent thing i would laugh because hes mexican but i wouldnt do the accept. who cares about WHERE you are. for crying out loud if you like her you can do it in mickey ds i play frisbee in wal mart and answer there phones so go for it

[Luke Skywalker]

I would find it really cheesy. I would much rather get a real kiss.

 

Also, although called a handkiss, you never actually touch the hand with your lips. That would of course have been extremely inappropriate when the handkiss first came about, and it is still done this way today.

 

 

You dont actually let the lips touch the hand? So, you just put the hand a millimeter or so close to the lips then put it back away. I thought they actually kissed it on the movies.

 

So, the European handshake could be a cop-out to a real kiss, eh?

[annie24]

I think instead of trying to imitate something, it may be better for you to do something that comes naturally. ie, it will come accross as fake and cheesy if you are doing something just because some website says it's cool and impressive.

[Luke Skywalker]

I think the hand-kiss may work although there is a danger she may get a fit of the giggles. I would not recommend the fake French accent - too cheesy IMO.

 

The goal on the first-date is to make the date giggle or laugh while introducing some light romantic gestures at the same time that really do not mean anything serious.

 

I made another thread of a 'comic lip-kiss', where I thought if you whisper to someone, and they came close to you to hear you, then you can attempt a lip-kiss, when discussing a 'first kiss' on a date.

 

For example, how was your first kiss like? THEY ANSWER, AND ASK ABOUT YOURS. MY REPLY: Whisper - it's a top secret, some closer and I'll tell you.

KISS HER fast, and say out loud - I just had an AMAZING FIRST KISS! THAT'S MY ANSWER - HE HE HE.

 

Romantic comedy scenes on dates - which gesture will be light and funny, produce giggles, while having some kissing at the same time whether a lip-kiss or European handshake.

[Luke Skywalker]

I think instead of trying to imitate something, it may be better for you to do something that comes naturally. ie, it will come accross as fake and cheesy if you are doing something just because some website says it's cool and impressive.

 

But then again, everything that does come natural *that works* is probably listed on some book or website somewhere anyway.

 

FYI - you wont find a website ANYWHERE that will encourage a European Hand-shake, that's my idea because I've never kissed anyone before, and this is a cop-out, and I want to see if it will fly - that's the honest rationale.

[annie24]

if something is scripted, it looses it's sweetness.... if it seems forced, or something that you are imitating out of a website, then it just isn't as cute anymore.

[annie24]

But then again, everything that does come natural *that works* is probably listed on some book or website somewhere anyway.

 

FYI - you wont find a website ANYWHERE that will encourage a European Hand-shake, that's my idea because I've never kissed anyone before, and this is a cop-out, and I want to see if it will fly - that's the honest rationale.

 

it flies when it's not planned.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, I think the mood of this thread has just been KILLED. It was going good in the beginning, but somewhere just got a bit too serious and this died out.

 

In conclusion of responses, I dig the one that talks about special moments for such a kiss, but am not sure if this can be incorprated in casual flirting interactions, sounds like a very special handshake, so guess it has to be left for special moments. You wont flirt with an absolute stranger like that, may still seem too forward. May as well go for a real kiss one time as both could be perceived the wrong way if done wrong, and the risks are both the same.

[annie24]

much like if you did something cheesy and scripted during your date, that kills the mood also.

[Luke Skywalker]

That is not true. Explain this then:

 

I had one date where I was completely myself, and it shot to hell.

 

Another date which was partially scripted - and it got the girl laughing giggling and having a great time together and created a mood and good-time in thin air.

 

It appears, from my experience in dating - that scripting stuff works very well.

 

Two different girls, two different results.

[monkey1]

Ok, well if my boyfriend did that, I'd laugh but think it was cute. It is something you tend to see more in films, but I'd take it as a cute gesture. I think it works if you've gone on a few dates with a girl and you know she has a sense of humor about things.

 

I think though, it would be nice if you did that and got down on your knee, then got up and gave her a proper kiss.

 

But that's my opinion.

[DN]

There is a difference between someone laughing with you and someone laughing at you. The first is great on a date, the second can be ok but is hazardous.

[Daddy Bear]

Luke, i want to see you succeed in dating and that's why i'm going to tell you again that this cheesy stuff is a bad idea. if you pull any of these stunts they will play out like a scene from "Napoleon Dynamite II" and you will not get a second date.

 

i've seen your posts where you said that you had a bad experience being spontaneous and i understand why you would be trying to formulate a game plan, but these ideas are not viable and scripting is not the answer. your date is going to tell her friends about it and they're going to have a good laugh at your expense. besides, what would you do on a 2nd/3rd/4th date? or if a girl moved in with you?

 

you're just painting yourself into a corner by believing in scripted ideas. girls can smell that a mile away and they don't go for it. ask anybody.

 

you have a good enough personality that you can just be yourself, and that will maximize your chances of getting a girl to go out with you again. never mind what happened in the past. it is an aberration, a fluke.

 

please give some thought to my comments, because i'm not going to say all this a third time.

[FCTex]

I echo that.

 

Sounds cheesy as can be. Women like a man who takes charge, and has some self esteem and some guts enough to even attempt a kiss.

 

I can't tell you how many times in my younger HS years that I missed out simply because I was shy and wanted to be polite.

 

Now I just hold their hand and kiss them. Boom. If they aren't feeling it towards the end of the evening, and you sense that.. Then she wasn't intrested during the date, and you're fighting a losing battle.

 

I'd suggest, stopping the cop-out, and go for the Gold.

[Luck of the Irish]

It appears, from my experience in dating - that scripting stuff works very well.

 

That may work well for one date, or even for a few. But how long do you want to keep up a charade around this girl? You want her to be attracted to the real you, or everything is meaningless. Unless of course all you want to do is go on one date. Then it would be fine

[Luke Skywalker]

This sounds like a serious post about an issue, I think I'm going to deal with it.

 

Luke, i want to see you succeed in dating and that's why i'm going to tell you again that this cheesy stuff is a bad idea. if you pull any of these stunts they will play out like a scene from "Napoleon Dynamite II" and you will not get a second date.

 

I dont know. When a person is interested in seeing me, they are already aware that I'm like a Napoleon Dynamite type in the first place, it comes accross on the flirting interactions prior to the date anyway. So far, prospects who were turned on about something about me (which I'm not aware about what other than the attention I'm giving them), dont care if I'm a bit ackward.

 

i've seen your posts where you said that you had a bad experience being spontaneous and i understand why you would be trying to formulate a game plan, but these ideas are not viable and scripting is not the answer. your date is going to tell her friends about it and they're going to have a good laugh at your expense.

 

I dont tell my dates that I'm a movie director and scripted a whole date. In fact, the the script itself takes about 3 minutes out of the most of a 30-60 minute date, you just make a statement and a question which takes about a minute each, and you do three of them. What fills the rest of the time in between is her answer to those questions and the mood that is being induced by the fact she is answering them. She can go on and on telling you information, that you would naturally use in subsequent dates, laughing, and generally having a good time dealing with the question subjects.

 

I mean, what complaint can you have by bringing up a script where you challenge a girl to explain how she knows a man appreciates her? There is also much more to learn to conduct a great date, but the script here is one of the integral parts. Please do not judge a script before reading it. I posted this script on another thread of a guy asking for dinner date advice on the ATTRACTION/FLIRTING thread, read through them, and you'll see that it's a very good script that will work all the time - exept for the girl who wouldn't go out with me in the first place - and that's an acceptable exception.

 

besides, what would you do on a 2nd/3rd/4th date? or if a girl moved in with you?

 

Again, the scripts are just for turning on a romantic mood in the initial meeting and being on a fact-finding mission about what makes the girl tick romantically. These are 'natural' scripts, you use them, and things actually go more 'naturally' than on your own. To me, a 'natural' unscripted date is like 'socialising' and going into a friendzone until she's tired and doesn't want to see you again. You are not selling yourself on a 2nd or 3rd date, so the impression issues should be dissipated by this point.

 

I'm not sure where this thread is going, and believe the first few posts answered the questions directly. However, I will reiterate as follows:

 

1) First-dates your guard is going to be up on full shields no matter what book, or script you are using, because that is the date both parties are trying to make a good-impression on each other. The only way to make a good impression is to keep an air of business, keep the date as short as possible (30 minutes), and throw on a script somewhere after 15 minutes of the date.

 

Once you can pass the 'first-date' barrier, then 2nd dates, 3rd dates, etc... you are your 'natural self', as you no longer have to focus on impressing a girl, or keeping your foot in the mouth in case something stupid is said.

 

The script concept 'compliments' a personality if it's correct - it doesn't contradict it or substitute it. It may even capture hidden elements of who I really am and bring them out, then it's a good script.

 

you're just painting yourself into a corner by believing in scripted ideas. girls can smell that a mile away and they don't go for it. ask anybody.

 

you have a good enough personality that you can just be yourself, and that will maximize your chances of getting a girl to go out with you again. never mind what happened in the past. it is an aberration, a fluke.

 

Dismissing something as an aberration or fluke is not good enough if it's really bad. I could get in a major accident, and conclude it's a fluke, but the damages are already done. That disaster date was in short, an almost absolute disaster, it would almost have been better if my car broke down on the way and I never saw that girl - that's how bad it was.

 

Anyway, I'm not going to change, so dont waste your time. I came on here for advice about an issue, and I have no shortage of people wanting to giving me advice about my life or give me a pep talk about my personality and being yourself. I consider such pep talk to be clicheed because, obviously, you are either a natural seducer or you are not. For those who are not naturals, they have to learn, if you accept the fact that there is hope for everyone. Saying to be yourself does no justice to the idea if you are not a natural seducer.

[Luke Skywalker]

That may work well for one date, or even for a few. But how long do you want to keep up a charade around this girl? You want her to be attracted to the real you, or everything is meaningless. Unless of course all you want to do is go on one date. Then it would be fine

 

This is first-date concepts only, not subsequent ones. Scripts are encouraged on a first-date, but discouraged on a subsequent date because now she will get to know the 'natural' you, and the impression shields would be lowered substiantially.

 

It all converges - a first-date is not even a date - it's a sales job, the subsequent dates are the true dates in that sense of the term.

[FCTex]

I buy the idea you have to "sell" but in reality for most people, you sell yourself before you GET the date.

 

If I get her number, and chat her up and down for a few minutes, I'm selling. When she gives me her number/ask for mine, and offers to meet up again for drinks, or says to give her a call, or makes any prior plans and shows intrest. I've sold. I've rung her up and checked her out.

 

The 1st real date is just a reassurance that what she got, was what she thought, after that you can subtly put into place your individual quirks and personality that you keep pent up around new people.

[Luke Skywalker]

I buy the idea you have to "sell" but in reality for most people, you sell yourself before you GET the date.

 

Not for internet dating. What is portrayed on internet, is often quite different to what is seen offline. I believe the sales job starts when you are first interacting (non-scripted), but the sales job reaches a climax on the first date where she's really looking for a reason to weed you out. You have to be super-sensitive to screening questions, and have a solid game plan.

 

If I get her number, and chat her up and down for a few minutes, I'm selling. When she gives me her number/ask for mine, and offers to meet up again for drinks, or says to give her a call, or makes any prior plans and shows intrest. I've sold. I've rung her up and checked her out.

 

Again, this may not be the same as internet dating.

 

 

The 1st real date is just a reassurance that what she got, was what she thought, after that you can subtly put into place your individual quirks and personality that you keep pent up around new people.

 

 

Sure, that and making sure you are a SAFE guy to be around with.

 

For that purpose they should be as short as possible so you dont give her a reason not to see you again.

[FCTex]

Well, I've never internet dated. As far as my internet dating would go, I've only recontacted people I've had a common ground with(went to HS with, or college with, or friends of a friend).

 

More commonly I'm talking about real life, in person, common dating. I'm not really familiar with internet dating.

 

If I meet a woman out somewhere, or a friend of a friend. She's looking to buy all the time. I just have to project my product always for the buyer out there.