Did I get played?

[LeftBehind]

This girl and I developed an intense crush on each other while she was still technically dating a guy she had been with for 3.5 years. She didn't love him anymore, and she and I pretty much fell for each other HARD.

 

She told me for a long time that she had faith that this would work out and stuff. That she wasn't leading me on. She said she would need alot of time, but that it didn't mean we had to end.

 

The night she broke up with him she began to ignore me. Completely. For a week and a half I thought I had done something wrong and expressed that to her alot, and I got really clingy and needy because she wouldn't say anything. She didn't tell me for a week and a half that they had broken up, even when she knew I was stewing around in my own pain wondering why she wouldn't talk to me.

 

And at that point I had already hung myself I got depressed and emotionally insane because it's been a long time since I've had a girlfriend and I felt she led me to believe we would end up together at some point.

 

Keep in mind, this was about the same time I started to let her in to my more personal stuff. I've had a rough 4 years. I've been pretty much a complete loner until she came along, and I told her about alot of my "struggles" and she began to not really respond to those things.

 

I didn't expect her to run into my arms immediately.

 

But she just totally shut me out of her life after a few months of "you're a really amazing guy" "I like you alot" "I'm not leading you on"

 

We would sit outside intending to talk for 5 min. and end up talking for hours by mistake.

 

I could read her mind. She would say something and I could complete her sentences before she even said them. She'd think of, for instance, a band in her head...2 seconds later I would say that bands name not knowing it was on her mind.

 

There was an intense chemistry thing there.

 

She said to me the last time I talked to her, about a month ago, that "I told you a long time ago I didn't want anyone waiting on me" "you're really putting alot of pressure on me by always talking about us being together".

 

When in reality her exact words were "I'm not asking you to wait on me".

 

Very different statements.

 

Which, yeah I did freak out and I kept asking her whether she still wanted there to be an "us" in the future alot..and I didn't mean to pressure her like that....I really didn't...I just couldn't help gettin so depressed because she made me actually happy...something I never thought I could feel...and then all of a sudden she just pulled the plug.

 

Even so I finally found a way to let go of her, as painful as it was to me. It's been literally a month since we last spoke. I'm still stuck on her in my mind, but I've made no attempt to contact her and I won't. She was all I felt I had left, the friends I had made out here all abandoned me and this girl was all I felt I really had left. Somehow I managed to let her go. That must mean I actually love her....right?

 

She called me "extremely dramatic" because I fell off the map emotionally when she shut me out of her life.

 

She also said she "wasn't blowing smoke up my butt" that "those were things I was feeling at that time" that "feelings can change over time".

 

But it wasn't over time. It was just sudden.

 

For a while I thought I was totally to blame, that I was horrible person, and that I was clingy and needy. And I yes I guess I did get that way.

 

But maybe she's not so innocent?

 

Did she just use me to feel better while they were nearing the end, and then once it was over decided she didn't need me anymore?

 

Or did I really get too attached to fast and just totally destroyed it?

 

Did I get played?

[JJRadical]

.....yes.....

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Okay, I see your issue is threefold...

 

1. ALWAYS go by a person's ACTIONS and not by his/her words. Her actions speak loud and clear she is not interested in a relationship with you. You were her emotional crutch through her last few months with her ex. You gave her the emotional replinishment she needed to leave her boyfriend and not look back.

 

2. You put all your eggs in one basket. You made this girl the center of your world and completely lost your self in what COULD HAVE been. You guys were not even officially together and you put this huge burden on her...meaning holding her responsible for your happiness and security. She realized that and that leads to the third part...

 

3. She lost all respect for you my friend. Your neediness and clingliness towards her made her turn the other direction. A person wants a strong, confident, independent partner, not someone who is going to be at his/her beck and call. No one respects a doormat.

 

In the future, rely on yourself for your happiness. Do not lay that responsibilty on others or else the same thing is going to happen in your next relationship. A partner should ENHANCE and ENRICH your life, not BE your life. Hang out with your friends, engage in your interests and hobbies while dating someone. Keep your identity.

 

I am so sory things worked out the way it did. Try to stay busy and hang in there.

[Riggz41510]

Well let me take a shot. Now I'm only basing this on my personal experiences...

 

When my ex and I broke up I was still in love with her and wished that we would have worked through our issues. My heart is/was with her. So any other woman just felt like a replacement you know kind of how that one game "Kareem Rush" came in for "Kobe Bryant" he played a spectacular game, but at the end of the day he is no Kobe Bryant!!

 

In a sick way having someone around who shows you interest and love when your heart is yearning for someone else, can actually make you resent that person.. Reason being at the end of the day there heart just isn't in it.

 

I have a wonderful lady in my life.. She is great on all levels, but because my heart is not there, it causes issues for her. She wonders why won't I do the things for her I claimed to have done with/for my ex etc.. Reason being; it took years for me to get to the level of love I have for my ex.. I loved her through good and bad..

 

Maybe she realized that you guys were still in the "honeymoon phase" and it dawned on her that normally that isn't really who the person is, and she got scared. Dealing with a break-up is hard on both ends. You wouldn't want to be the rebound, now would you??????

[Caterina]

If she was in a serious relationship for that long...you have to understand that it takes some time to heal from that...like she said, look at actions. She used you as a rebound...I'm really sorry...but you will get through this and you'll find someone worthy of your time and love.

[sacred cow]

I was in a similar situation last month, only difference was that she just came from a break up before meeting me...I took a risk because she seemed to be genuinely interested in me and I found her hot, she ended up playing me because 2 weeks later before we started going out she told me that needed space and was confused about her feelings for me. A week later she dumped me. Too bad 'coz we were really hitting it off at the peak of our 'fling' and her family was starting to like me and vice versa, I even had lunch and dinner with her family on 2 occasions. Though I would still want to be friends, she seems to be giving me the cold shoulder right now and is already dating a classmate of mine (only a week before she ended things with me).

 

I dunno if I still have feelings for her, but I seem to be enjoying what's happening and how things would turn out for them...because I believe that the guy is doing me a favor, now's the worst time to pursue the girl because she just came out of making me her rebound and also the same time her grandpa died (her favorite relative) which really makes her unstable right now.

I'm also confident that I'm a better man than this new guy and he couldn't arouse the same feelings I did to her when we were dating, she would then compare him to me and in the process would make me the better catch that she might just take me back...either way I'm happy as it is. I am even smiling at them when we're together (same group of friends), the puzzled look on her face when I do that is priceless...and I enjoy making her feel uneasy...

 

My only dilemma right now is if I should do NC on her while she's going out with this guy or be cocky/funny around her and do the things that attracted her to me in the first place since it's inevitable that we'd bump into each other regularly. If anything else I also would want her to be my friend and have her in my life whether or not we have a relationship. It's 'coz I think if I do NC on her it would only make me look affected or jealous about her dating this new guy, I wouldn't want to give her that satisfaction and would instead want to boggle her mind whether or not I really had feelings for her because I seem to be happy for the two of them hooking up

[sacred cow]

bring up my post