Should GF dance with other guys at wedding?

[tihash]

My girlfriend is atteding a cousin's wedding out of state. I was invited by her, but could not get off from work to go. I would have liked to have gone, and tried my best to get the time off but was simply turned down by my boss.

 

My question: Should I feel upset if my gf slow dances with other men she just met at the wedding?

 

(I have been with my gf for 6 months, and we established mutually acceptable and mutually desired boundaries early on: basically, we do not hang out with friends of the opposite sex without each other there, we do not go to bars or clubs without one another, and we do not think flirting with the opposite sex is ok. I know many people would think this is overboard, but both of us like it that way.)

 

Thanks for your thoughts on this. I did not discuss this with her before hand, and assume she will be asked to dance repeatedly as it is a large wedding and most men consider her attractive.

[melrich]

Normally I'd say dancing with other people is OK. But given your relationship rules maybe your relationship would not be able to handle it. Put it on the list of rules, no dancing with other people.

[annie24]

well, if you two already have established rules between the two of you, why ask us?

 

I, personally, would find the rules overboard, but that is just me. I wouldn't agree to those rules at all. I would break up. And I certainly would dance with other men, but it would not go any further than dancing, if I had a serious boyfriend!

 

Are you looking for validation?

[lady00]

i agree with the others. based on those rules i'd say no.

[Hope75]

I, too, would normally say it's perfectly OK to dance with members of the opposite sex at a wedding, especially since her main dancing partner (you) won't be there. I would have no problem with my bf dancing with a female friend at a wedding, or talking to a female friend at a bar or party... and he would not have any problem with me doing the same. We trust each other.

 

I'm curious about your rules, since they seem to very strongly indicate that you do not trust one another and/or are very insecure with one another, and threatened by situations which may present an opportunity to spend time with anyone of the opposite sex.

 

May I ask how old you are? How about her?

 

Do you trust her? Even in a situation where she may talk to another man? Does she trust you?

 

If not, why not?

[Mr Mister1]

I'm curious, who came up with these rules?

[Blue Skittles]

Seeing as it is her cousins wedding, I imagine most of the people she would be dancing with would be family (thats how it was at the previous family weddings I've been at), maybe another guy here or there, but its nothing to worry about. Its just dancing.

[Süsser Tod]

I think she should. Otherwise what else can she do in there, drink?

[dpressedone89]

id say she can dance with anyone she is related to but if there is a non-family member he would be off limits. i think thats fair

 

-stitcheS

[Süsser Tod]

id say she can dance with anyone she is related to but if there is a non-family member he would be off limits. i think thats fair

 

-stitcheS

 

 

Is now dancing an intimate act that is considered cheating???

 

 

But if it is considered cheating, then why is it ok to commit incest (dancing with family members)?

[lady00]

id say she can dance with anyone she is related to but if there is a non-family member he would be off limits. i think thats fair

 

-stitcheS

 

I think this is a fair compromise based on the rules given above.

[annie24]

Is now dancing an intimate act that is considered cheating???

 

 

But if it is considered cheating, then why is it ok to commit incest (dancing with family members)?

 

LMAOROTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[itseuphoric]

if you already have a "set of rules"...do you really think she would dance with other men anyway?

[Momene]

I would say most people there will be family and friends and if she doesn't dance with them she'll be seen as very anti-social.

 

I don't think she'll break your rules, which I agree with others is very restrictive BUT the most important thing is that they're ok if you BOTH agree to them.

[tihash]

Thanks for all the advice.

 

Like I said, both of us are happy with these rules, but we never discussed dancing in this context. These rules evolved over time as we both did things (not cheating or anything wrong) that unintentionally made the other feel slightly uncomfortable. We never wanted that to happen, and both were happy to come to this agreement.

 

I am hoping she respectfully declines any invitations to dance from strangers, and was wondering if I would be out-of-line if I felt hurt if she did dance with strangers.

 

She is there with her mom and dad, and she told me she knows only about 8 people there (family members) out of the 300+ guests.

 

The reception is six hours long, and if you drink, you must stay until midnight to take a shuttle back to where the cars are parked at the church.

 

I trust her, but my fear comes from the fact that in the past, and once in our relationship, she has drank so much she did not act herself and then had memory problems the next morning about what happened the night before. In fact, when it happened with me, what scared me is she forgot she has sex with me the night before. So, I think that is where the insecurities come from.

[annie24]

hm. well the drinking is worrisome. not that she would cheat, but that she has a drinking problem! it is not normal to drink so much you don't remember what you did. have you talked to her about her drinking?

 

I would say that dancing in front of your family and friends, and as long as she makes it clear that she has a boyfriend, is not a problem. I've been to several weddings this past year and no one's asked me to dance! I'm attractive, it's not that, just there wasn't much dancing at the last few weddings, or the dance floor was so small, and we left before the dancing started.

 

I definitely have never been in a relationship with such strict rules! however, when I have a bf, I always make it clear. like, if some guy is hitting on me, I will say something like, "Oh wow - my boyfriend has the exact same watch you do!"

 

anyways, has she had other issues with drinking in the past?

[AwdreeHpburn]

tihash - I'm glad the two of you have agreed to the "rules" of the relationship. Sounds to me like its a topic that's been talked about which says to me, the two of you can talk with each other fairly openly. Why don't you just talk to her about it. Tell her your concerns.

 

Sounds to me like maybe you should be more worried about her getting too drunk than you should be about her dancing with other people.

 

Dancing at a wedding is innocent enough. I don't think you would be out of line for feeling how ever it is you feel about it, but I think dancing shouldn't be cause for jealousy. But if it makes you feel that way, then it does. Just talk to her about it.

[jflatt]

I wouldn't worry to much about her dancing at the wedding. I agree with what the others said about friends and family being around, and not taking part would border on anti-social behavior.

 

Poor annie...lol...Do you want to dance with me?...lol

[Rabican]

i think dancing at a wedding is fine... lots of people around, maybe even children who knows. I say dancing because I do not consider "grinding" dancing... that would bother me.

[DN]

I think the bigger issue here is working on your trust issues. Sure, you can invent a new rule every time a new issue comes up as you might in this case. But eventually the rues will be so restrictive they will choke your relationship to death.

 

Deal with the core issue and the rules will not be necessary.

[Mr Mister1]

I think the bigger issue here is working on your trust issues. Sure, you can invent a new rule every time a new issue comes up as you might in this case. But eventually the rues will be so restrictive they will choke your relationship to death.

 

Deal with the core issue and the rules will not be necessary.

 

That's the real strange thing about this issue, the question of why the rules are there hasn't really been discussed, which is far more important than worrying about whether she's allowed to dance or not.

 

Think about it, how many people without those rules would be worrying about whether they minded if their bf/gf danced with other people at a wedding?