Invisible_Butterfly Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 At 25 is it wrong to think that I shall never be in love? That my friends will continue to marry and have children and I will be left alone? I was not always so jaded. Perhaps encouraged by some Disney fairytale, as a child I used to gaze out of my bedroom window at night, wishing that a star could bring me love. When I was a bit older and more grounded, I prayed to God about it, but love still did not come. Could it be that wanting something too badly is to never have it? If personality is king and looks are just for show, maybe I am missing something. Maybe I will never be charming enough or wity enough to snag a man that's not 20 years my elder. The interest I've shown in men in the past has only been met with laughter, excuses, uncomfortable silences, and eye aversions. Could the thought of dating me be so repulsive? As a shy woman I have made leaps and bounds. I have found the courage within me to do things I never thought I could. Still the one thing I want so badly eludes me. I have never been in love...never had a real boyfriend...never been on a date. I have not had the chance to solidfy what qualities I want in my ideal guy because no one will date me. I have no frame of reference. No way of comparing my dreams with reality. Why can't I be persued? Why doesn't he like me back? Why do they never like me back? Why am I invisible? Maybe it's true that I can live a fulfilling life on my own, losing myself in my career, but is it wrong to want companionship? Is it wrong to want a family? I know there may be no easy answers to the questions I pose. At the risk of sounding self indulgent, I have to express my sorrow. To be felt by someone, heard by someone, and to no longer be invisible. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 if this makes you feel better.... I heard a quote that 95% of people will be married by age 50. that means, just keep doing what you're doing, and chances are, you'll eventually get married. Link to comment
lanty3 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 WOW!, you sound like a female version of myself; i am alot older though, but don`t let that get you down . 25 is still very young, but don`t let go of your dreams. if i had those years back i`d take more risks and wouldn`t give up. like annie said ,just keep doing what you`re doing. in my whole life i asked out one girl:she laughed in my face. it`s taken me so long to shake off things like that. please don`t quit now. if it`s any comfort,you`re not alone. i wish you well. Link to comment
harry44 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I`m a 44 yr old male,I felt the same exact way when I was younger,got married at 30 yrs old,a total disaster too.I divorced her asap!no kids no children,no wife,no regrets.I found out I dont need a wife to be complete.I`m single,Im not miserable,I cant put up with ups n downs n worries of a mate.I have a **** buddy when I need some.I wouldnt have it any other way!You might find out you dont need anyone either! Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 From the way in which your post was worded, you sound like a romantic, dreamy type who fits the expression "head in the clouds!". I'm not saying that offensively. I guess what I'm trying to impart here is you might need to place more emphasis on praxis rather than ideals. Join every dating site you even half like the look of. Let your social circle and family know you are single and *looking*, it's surprising how many people know people... Consider going to new places, taking up a new interest, just maximise your chances of literally running into suitable dating candidates. Good luck, it can be frustrating. Link to comment
RichardMcMahonWF Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Well, you're a lot how I am right now. I haven't been able to meet any women at all so far. Hell, the closest I've gotten was an online relationship, but she broke it off after a couple months or so. There are times when I've felt like I'll never meet the right woman. Maybe the right solution for the both of us is to find a job that involves something that we're passionate about. Because, hey, if you're using your passion, then everything else will fall into place. Link to comment
RichardMcMahonWF Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I`m a 44 yr old male,I felt the same exact way when I was younger,got married at 30 yrs old,a total disaster too.I divorced her asap!no kids no children,no wife,no regrets.I found out I dont need a wife to be complete.I`m single,Im not miserable,I cant put up with ups n downs n worries of a mate.I have a **** buddy when I need some.I wouldnt have it any other way!You might find out you dont need anyone either! How would I go about finding a **** buddy? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 go to an "adult friend" type website. Link to comment
robowarrior Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 All of your actions speak of absurd fear, What is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that , Cast off your fear! Look forward! Go forward! Never stand still. Retreat and you will age. Hesitate and you will die. If for every prayer you send to God , you would actually sticked out your hands and try to grab a guy, you might actually be in a relationship right now. You are your own worst enemy in not getting a guy. There's not a single phrase or verse in the bible that God is a couple maker, NO this is why you have free will, so you can make the decision for yourself to be with whomever you choose to be. This is a action that comes along with your choise. You goto a bar, you get to know a guy, you ask him out directly in his face, and maby he'll go out with you? What if he says no? That's ok you get dating experience, at leasts its better then to stay home inside like a bird in a cage. Sometimes to get things done in life you need to kick your own butt. Life is what you make it , celebrate it without fear. Link to comment
Blue Dreamer Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Robowarrior's last statements are extremely solid. Yes, it is extremely inaccurate to think as you do. You can't be pursued because you have convinced yourself of that. The roughest years of my life were defined by insecurity and lack of self confidence, most people use the term shyness. You have allowed the external environment to impress/depress your own thoughts about yourself. Really, what do you think of yourself? Start there please. You need to be felt, you need to be heard, yet you need to do this for yourself before you can effectively be felt or heard by others. Take care of yourself and start with square one, yourself. I did, and that is why I do not spend much time here. Members here sent me in the right direction, and I thank them for that. It took time, and that time has turned out to be priceless as I know so much more of myself than the typical. Self improvement is all over the web. My knowledge has resulted in exciting experiences. Link to comment
Invisible_Butterfly Posted July 4, 2006 Author Share Posted July 4, 2006 I appreciate the responses. I actually think I'm a great person--definitely the marrying kind, but I'll admit that my self-confidence leaves a bit to be desired. But how many times should you hit your head against the wall before you realize, this hurts...I should stop doing this? What I'm saying is, rejection is painful. Why do some find love so easily while others constantly struggle? AntiLove_SuperStar, I am a dreamer. I am emotional, over-analytical, and very self-critical. This makes the rejection so much harder. If you ask out 99 guys and all of them reject you, you have to think, it's not them, it's me. Shiznit may be right. Maybe I don't love myself enough for someone else to love me. I say that I'm a worthy person, but maybe my actions betray me. I will begin this journey of self-improvement and see where it leads... Link to comment
Johnathan Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 if this makes you feel better.... I heard a quote that 95% of people will be married by age 50. and 50% of those marriages will end in divorce. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 yeah, but the other half of those marriages last! Link to comment
lanty3 Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 yeah, but the other half of those marriages last! good answer ......there`s alot of us out here that need to keep our hopes up !! thanks annie Link to comment
New_Horizons Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Wow, you sound like a carbon copy of me. A female carbon copy I know exactly what you mean by over-analytical and self critical. I have no advice to offer since I'm in the same boat. I know how hard it is. Link to comment
Listen2Morrissey Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I felt the same way when I was 25. For unrelated reasons, I quit my job and moved to a small town that I loved. It still took a while after that, but I found my first (and so far only) love at 28. Our relationship just ended a few months ago but I know it will not be the last. I think if I had not shook up my life and abandoned the staid life I had been living, a lot of things would have been closed off to me, including my first love. Link to comment
Haven Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 From link removed I think it's interesting that your username is "Invisible Butterfly", though you said you didn't want to be invisible. I suggest starting to think about yourself differently, and make a new label for yourself! Link to comment
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