I am sorry but I couldnt do it

[renaissancewoman101]

To all the people from here who have put up with my posts for the last few weeks of craziness and weirdness, I am sorry for putting you guys through my crap and not being able to go through with what I said on a thread yesterday, that I was going to do. I know that by saying that I will do something and I dont do it, I lose credibility with people. I know that.

 

Basically, I am a very nice, caring, kind and genuine person that could never harm a soul. I am also a loving person and couldnt stand to see if someone get hurt.

 

I guess I am rambling on and on like I always do. I seem to beat around the bushes and cant ever get to the point of what I want to say. That has always been a weakness of me.

 

I couldnt get the courage to tell my best friend that I want out with the friendship, the marriage, everything. I couldnt do it. I just couldnt. Yesterday, my friend and his bf showed up at my place in a really bad mood because of the traffic. We had an argument and at first I stood my ground and told them that I wanted out because I couldnt take the crap anymore. I told them that I felt like they didnt care about me, only wanted me around for their own reasons, etc. My best friend was kind of shocked that I felt that way. He calmed down and told me not to overreact to things and that things were stressful for him lately and that they both still cared about me. We talked out things and they offered to take me to dinner at a place of my choice. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT MY BEST FRIEND IS KNOWN FOR, HE USUALLY IS VERY STINGY. I chose to eat at a seafood place down by the ocean because he likes to eat outdoors if possible and his bf loves seafood. He didnt complain about the prices or anything like that . We had a good time, walked down by the harbor, watched the boats, and then they decided to stay overnight by me . His bf was tired so he fell asleep on my bed and my best friend and I decided to go out for a drive and talk, like old times sake.

 

I want the way life used to be. We drove around the harbor area, drove over the bridge to Coronado, like we did many years ago (when I was in college, we used to go out to LA a lot and come down to San Diego a few times too, to check out stuff, etc). We talked and stayed up most of the night. I am dead tired since we didnt get back to my place till around 5 AM. His bf was still asleep on my bed. Basically, my friend is going through a tough time with his bf, his work situation, and his infatuation with his intern. He is also having some major issues with the tenants that are renting his home in Wisconsin.

 

I care about my best friend a lot and I lost my resolve. I am confused by him and his actions. He laughed with me, cried with me, was nice to me like the bf I always wanted from him.

 

Again, I wish to apologize to people on here. I was determined to go through with it yesterday evening. But, I lost my resolve. I guess I am really a weakling at heart.

[Relationship Coach]

RW,

We are here to cheer you on and support you. Never apologize for things not going as planned, it happens to us all. We have your back today and all of the tomorrows, you will liberate yourself from him.

 

RC

[Hope75]

Hi RW,

 

I'm a little confused. It sounds as though you almost want a 'boyfriend/ girlfriend' type relationship from him, but you can't really have that because he is gay and has a bf, and you are, well, the wrong sex for him I'm afraid.

 

It's a difficult spot when you were both single and the best of friends, always there for one another, but is it really fair for either of you to expect that forever, and not to allow the other to date, get serious, and be happy with an actual romantic partner, and put their relationship first?

 

It's always hard when you are in the same stage of life (i.e. single,) and one of you meets someone, the other feels left behind, and there is less time for each other and your lives seem to be going in different directions. I'm sorry that you are hurting.

 

((HUGS))

[robowarrior]

Still you should stand for what you believe in, take a few steps back only to make a leap forwards. Next time show your resolve and stick to it, if you don't it will make you look weak like you said.

[annie24]

No, I don't think you messed up. You guys were friends for a long time, it's not so easy to say goodbye.

 

I care about my best friend a lot and I lost my resolve. I am confused by him and his actions. He laughed with me, cried with me, was nice to me like the bf I always wanted from him.

 

I do think that you should work on getting over him, and space will help you. As hope pointed out, he can never be the boyfriend you want him to be, as he's already involved with someone, and he's gay.

 

I guess I am the only one that thinks you should cut him 100% out of your life. I think you should cut down contact to 5%, until you are over him and have moved on with your life, and maybe later on, you can still go out, get dinner with him, just like old times. but not now....

[ElektraHere]

No, I don't think you messed up. You guys were friends for a long time, it's not so easy to say goodbye.

 

 

 

I do think that you should work on getting over him, and space will help you. As hope pointed out, he can never be the boyfriend you want him to be, as he's already involved with someone, and he's gay.

 

I guess I am the only one that thinks you should cut him 100% out of your life. I think you should cut down contact to 5%, until you are over him and have moved on with your life, and maybe later on, you can still go out, get dinner with him, just like old times. but not now....

 

I agree with Annie. I think you should cut him out 100%.

 

RW I had a best friend who was a male and was gay. We met when we were 8 and were friends until I was 32. That is 24 years of history with one person. However, he was going one way and I was going another. We just never met in the middle anymore. I felt as though the friendship lost its strength. I have seen him here and there since then and it is always good to see him but we are not best friends as we were before.

 

I like you also fell for him. It was when he came out of the closet. Subconsciously I wanted him to be only with me and not gay. I loved him but had that love confused with romantic love. He is still in my thoughts, heart , and a bit of him will always be in my soul. There are times I miss but that was then this is now.

 

My friend was never cruel or manipulative as yours seems to be. You know the phrase "jump the shark?" Its a term they use in the TV industry. It means when a show has finally come to its end. The show doesnt have that power and strength as it once had. Perhaps your friendship with him has "jumped the shark?"

[Relationship Coach]

RW,

 

Pruning your "relationship tree" is a hard thing to do but the reason you have to prune is so that other relationships can be formed and allowed to flourish. You are hanging on to a broken branch that offers you no support and serves as nothing more than a liability in your life. One door closes and another one opens.

 

RC

[annie24]

oops - sorry, I mean, SHOULD NOT cut him out 100%. at least not forever. just until you are healed. you two have been friends for so long, but right now, this friendship isn't good for you.

[ElektraHere]

I stick by 100%. So if an abuser and his victim have history are they supposed to keep in contact just because of history? No the victim needs to get out and stay far away from the abuser. No one would say "well it wouldnt hurt if you talked to him a little bit." They would say "look forward and dont look back."

[keenan]

Aww, Ren, you don't need to apologize to anyone here. We're you're support system--your cheering squad. You've made fantastic progress over the past few months, and you deserve a LOT of admiration and respect for that. It sounds more like you feel like you let *yourself* down, and that's a different issue.

 

I'm sorry that you're still on the dance floor with this guy. He sounds like he's very good at figuring out just what you need to hear and see in order to keep a toe in the relationship. In other words, it sounds like he's a pro at manipulating you.

 

Hugs, honey. We know it's not easy.