Women making more money than men???

[whatsagirltodo]

How do you feel about women making more money than men? Particularly in a relationship.

 

I make more money than my boyfriend. It's a problem for us, as I enjoy spending my money, especially on him - not gifts really, mostly like us going to a movie or out to dinner...and he has been flat out refusing to do anything with me because he can't afford to and is sick of me always paying for him. It's not really a big issue, I just don't understand why he can't just let me pay. If the situation were reversed, he'd do the exact same for me. Heck, I know he would because the situation was reversed when we started dating.

 

It only got serious tonite when he said he doesn't think we should go on our beach vacation because he can't afford to put any money towards it. I told him that I want to go and I want him to come with and that I have saved this money to go...So he said he will go but will definitly feel bad about it. I don't know, maybe it's just his depression talking, but it really came down to the fact that I have make more money than he does and am 6 years younger than him...he's in college, I'm not...I know it's hard on him...

 

Is making more money really that important to men?

[annie24]

I think some men can feel emasculated if you are constantly paying for them. Like a married male friend of mine told me, "Annie, men need to feel needed." If you are always paying for everything, he may not feel "needed." even though that really isn't the truth, you need him for love and support, but he may not see it that way.

 

anyways, it would be such a shame to cancel your vacation! Hm. I don't know, maybe offer to pay for the majority of stuff, but then come up with a deal with him, that he helps you with something around the house? Many of my exes loved fixing my broken furniture. Whatever. they had fun doing it. hehe.

[Süsser Tod]

Well, most of us are told that our role in life is to be the provider, so you figure it out from there. Plus what Annie said (well, in fact, it is more or less on the same line)

[Managor]

I think everyone instinctively wants to protect and provide for the other person, though through different means. If he's in college, hopefully he can find a job that will make him more content financially once he's gotten his degree. Until then, assure him he supports you enough in other ways and like Annie said let him feel that he's able to help you too.

[Blue Skittles]

Hey, I can understand how he would feel bad about you always paying all the time. I don't know if there is an easy solution for that especially when you want to do fun stuff together. But maybe there are activities you guys can do together that don't involve spending a lot of money. My bf and I like to go out and spend time in the park, go for walks on the trails, picnics, watch movies at home, stuff like that. Hes got a lot of money to blow but I am broke and I don't like to take advantage of his money situation so I think doing that kind of stuff makes it easier on us.

[annie24]

yeah, I do think that it is a primal urge for men to feel like the providers. Especially when society tells them that is what they are to do, like susser said.

 

Even my male cat, when he catches a bird or mouse, he prances around the house, and then plops the dead bird or mouse right in front of the fridge. it is his "contribution" to the household. Or, when someone is gardening, he will start digging into the ground also, as to "help." He is very proud of himself. silly boy cat.

[Dako]

I never minded when she raked it in, or when she didn't.

Teamwork.

[LostInMyThoughts]

This issue is really two parts.

 

Like Annie and the others have said, guys love to feel needed. It's an ego boost (and we love our egos!) when a woman asks us for help. Yes society places an emphasis on males to be the providers, but for those of us who don't perscribe to traditional gender roles, it's not as big of a deal.

 

The other part, and I rarely hear about this, is that relationships need balance. All things in a relationship need balance, or resentments and anger can crop out. From looks, to money, balance is key.

 

---

 

Maybe you can ask your bf if you can go on the beach vacation, and after that you guys will try to work on doing things that don't cost as much money, and try to alternate paying for things.

 

I don't mind if a girl makes more money than me (not likely). But I would have a problem if a girl made me pay for all the dates too.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Things only have as much value as you place on them. Money is just another thing. In the desert water is the most valuable thing because it is necessary for survival. Most of the stuff people use their money on nowadays is not necessary. To me money is a means to keep my roof over my head and water and power going. I have more fun walking to class on a sunny day than I do watching some movie full of explosions. You should talk with your boyfriend and find things to do together that you will both value and not need to spend money on. Walking on a trail, sitting in a park, or cheap things like TV and popcorn. The importance of being together should be the intimacy and care you feel, not the price tag attached to the evening.

[Momene]

As a man, I would feel my role is somehow diminished by not being the main breadwinner but then I am of the older generation.

 

If I were a full-time stay at home dad, I would feel the role more justified.

[Bethany]

What if the woman inherited a lot of money before you met, would this be a problem?

[Süsser Tod]

What if the woman inherited a lot of money before you met, would this be a problem?

 

It would be the same, if not worse (depending on how much you mean by a lot)

[Bethany]

half a million dollars?

[Süsser Tod]

What is the point of this "virtual" scenario?

 

Yes, it would be hard, because I wouldn't be able to keep up with her expenses, not even if we're doning a 50/50 thing, making me feel as a failed provider and not needed.

[Bethany]

It's where I find myself so it's not virtual, it's real.

[Managor]

You inherited half a million dollars? That's quite a lot

 

I don't think it would be much of a problem. You don't need to tell the other person about the money if you think it will complicate things.

[SarahRose]

I have a well established career. I am probably going to earn more than a lot of men. I don't think I'll quit and get a job at the gas station any time soon to soothe some man's frail ego.

 

I think some of you men get a little ridiculous with your standards and wouldn't be worth dealing with you baby crap just to have you around.

[Süsser Tod]

I have a well established career. I am probably going to earn more than a lot of men. I don't think I'll quit and get a job at the gas station any time soon to soothe some man's frail ego.

 

I think some of you men get a little ridiculous with your standards and wouldn't be worth dealing with you baby crap just to have you around.

 

 

Thats great for you!!!

[Bethany]

Yup. that's right. I'm already well off and a good paying job but I think you're right, I'll keep it to myself until I am sure of them

 

Sarah, I think with that attitude you're gonna be alone for a very long time anyhow. Men are telling you how they really feel and you should listen and understand where they are coming from. I know I do.

[Managor]

That's a bit mean, isn't it SR? There are just as many women as there are men who have ridiculous standards, not being able to support and help the other person in a relationship is something which I imagine would effect many people, men or women, and not only because it'd deflate their ego. Feeling worthless or useless in a relationship is hard to ignore.

[Dako]

SR, at one time I was married to a woman making 4 or 5 times my salary who did day trading as a hobby, making about my salary.

Money was never an issue for us.

 

Men are all different.

[SarahRose]

Not trying to be mean about it but what am I supposed to do if someone is going to reject me because I make more?

 

Bethany, I haven't and won't be alone any time soon. I'm pretty good looking so I meet the main requirement for most men.

[SarahRose]

Dako, I agree. Men are all different.

[Süsser Tod]

You can make more money than him, just try to be understanding of how he might feel if you shove it on his face all day long.

[Dako]

You can make more money than him, just try to be understanding of how he might feel if you shove it on his face all day long.

 

True, but there'd be an issue at work other than money if that happens.