Why would an ex of 3 weeks tell you that they are Friends with Benefits with someone?

[blindreepr]

Today is the start of NC for me. It should be pretty easy for me hopefully as I have lost all respect for her as of today anyways. Today was the last day we were cleaning the house before the lease is up. I guess I made her feel too comfortable with me since I was acting to self confident, or maybe cause she thought I was "getting some" because I refused to answer her questions about if I had been seeing other chicks. Anyways, she was talking about how her parents are gonna be gone and she is excited because there is a someone that she met that she is Friends With Benefitting with. It ended up being that it was the dude that she essentially left me for. I was more ashamed and felt a complete lack of respect for her than anything else. I didn't blow up or cry or anything just told her that I was concerned because I was still her friend and didn't want to see her get hurt. Then she essentially asked me to convince her not to do what she is doing right now. She eventually told me that she was getting bored with him and that Friends with Benefits probably isnt the best of ideas. I left with a goodbye and told her not to be a stranger so that she will atleast leave with the impression that I'm fine and that I am COMPLETELY over her. No use in letting her have some sort of sick satisfaction. I am so confused by what happened today.

 

Is it low self confidence on her part? If I completely go NC will she be calling me like crazy? It seems so weird, like she was almost testing me. Why are girls crazy?

[shelly7]

Why are girls crazy?

 

That's weird I was just thinking the same thing about guys.

 

Seriously though, I'm sorry for your situation I know it was hard for you to hear that, and to be honest I don't know why she told you that. Very immature on her part. You deserve someone better. Stick to no contact and don't let this girl mess with your heart any more than she already has. You will probably hear from her again, because it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, but remain strong!

[Süsser Tod]

Maybe she was only trying to get you jealous? Seeing how confident you are, and thinking that you're with someone else, maybe she made up that story to try to get you to tell "the truth".

[gaiden]

Yea, it sounds like she's on a fishing expedition. Don't participate.

[Netguy]

Wow! Ive been waiting around for over a year, but that would be enough for me. She's either extremely immature and is looking for a reaction(jealousy is probably the one) or she's exactly what she sounds like.

[saltwatergirl]

Yea, it sounds like she's on a fishing expedition. Don't participate.

 

Agreed.

 

Salt

[blindreepr]

Jealousy does play a part in it I think. When I told her that I wanted her to go ahead and do it she defiantely started back tracking. I told her that I knew that she needed to do it to learn, because that's the only way she will realize that it was a bad idea if she gets hurt by it. After I made those statements she started agreeing with me that it was a bad idea.

[GreatGuy]

I think you should focus on what you want and stop being a willing participant in this drama. You are your own person, don't be rattle by her life. The big question will be How do you really feel?

I left with a goodbye and told her not to be a stranger so that she will atleast leave with the impression that I'm fine and that I am COMPLETELY over her. No use in letting her have some sort of sick satisfaction. I am so confused by what happened today

 

From this i get you're not completely ok with it. She is yoyoing with your head, do not give her that much power. Be your own and be uninvolved, be kind but make sure she understands that you're on to better things, and MEAN IT! You gotta set boundaries for yourself!

[Russo]

First thing that comes to mind is:

 

"It's your life. You can do with it whatever you please. But I do not need to be involved with it anylonger. Just as such you are no longer involved with my life and what I do with it. That was your choice to make. Now if you'd excuse me. I have a life to lead."

 

Ignorance is bliss at times.

[RayKay]

She was definitely fishing, either for a reaction, to know you still were hanging on to her, or to find out your own life details at this point.

 

Don't fall for it. Nor should you convince her not to do it. That only satisfies her want of attention, or gives her chance to resent you "hanging on" and being "controlling".

 

Tell her it's her life to lead, but you do not need to know the details. Set boundaries, limit contact and move on with your own life.

[blindreepr]

I really don't see any reason to talk to her anymore. She called today and it wasn't nearly as hard to not answer the phone as it would have been a week ago. Now that we are moved out and all the bills are taken care of I no longer have any NEED to talk to her. If it was important she would have left a message right? The fact that she didn't leave a message means that it was either an excuse to call me or that she wanted me to call her back, putting her back into control. Does NC get harder as time goes on or will it always be this easy to ignore her?

[GottaLetItBurn]

I really don't see any reason to talk to her anymore. She called today and it wasn't nearly as hard to not answer the phone as it would have been a week ago. Now that we are moved out and all the bills are taken care of I no longer have any NEED to talk to her. If it was important she would have left a message right? The fact that she didn't leave a message means that it was either an excuse to call me or that she wanted me to call her back, putting her back into control. Does NC get harder as time goes on or will it always be this easy to ignore her?

 

It fluctuates. It can seem really hard sometimes depending if your on a mood swing or not. You know when you start to lose grip on possitive thoughts and you start thinking about the good times, then it's hard. Other then that it is easier, because your mind never forgets that you have had time away from her and sees that you have been just fine. Keep it up.

[blindreepr]

The one thing that makes it some what hard is that I am fully expecting her to back pedal or try to get back together after NC for a month or so. Especially after she see's "the new" me. I have been working out everyday, am finally planning on getting that tattoo I have always talked about, am putting myself out there socially, and am doing activities (going to SF Giants games, visiting museums, taking vacations, going to see live musicals) that we always wanted to do but I never had the money to pay for the both of us. She was always a weak person and it seems like she has already tried to initiate the first steps. She seems really confused and has hinted towards wanting back in our relationship although I know that she wants it to be her idea, and not mine. I wonder is this a bad thing to prepare for? Does preparation for this make me hold on longer or will it make me stronger and able to say no easier when it (more than likely) happens?

[GottaLetItBurn]

well expectation is a bad thing like a the second quote in my sig suggests. You have to make sure you look at how much emotion your investing in her. You have to realize you are going to be fine without her and relax. Either way you need to be okay with her not coming back. That way you'll be cool and confident, not feeling as though your whole self worth depends on her move.

[blindreepr]

I agree with you somewhat, though my high school teacher always said "Prior prudent planning prevents piss poor performance". Is there a sort balance I can find between not so much expecting her to come back but preparing myself to do the right then if/when she does?