My Box "Issue"

[pablovblack]

Right I'm sending the box of my ex'x stuff back to her house on Saturday because I want rid of it now, I sleep above it, its under my bed for petes sake...

That cant be good, all those vibes radiating from it (joke).

 

Link here

 

 

Anyway, I want to add a letter with a few lines to her in it, tell me I'm doing the wrong thing!!!!!! I must be right!!!!!! Just some things to get of my chest!!!! Bad Idea, Right!!!!!!

[gaiden]

Very bad. Don't write anything. Just send the box, you know she's going to go through it looking for a letter and when she doesn't find one... THAT will be the message you want to send.

[eleanorrigby1]

what he said above! thats very good advice!

 

DONT SEND A LETTER!

[pablovblack]

Very bad. Don't write anything. Just send the box, you know she's going to go through it looking for a letter and when she doesn't find one... THAT will be the message you want to send.

 

Thanks man, Thats what my mum said, Your totally right, Its such a bugger though because all I want to say is a few things but silence is golden right.

 

Ok but what about this!!!!!

 

I bought her some things that I never got to give her becuase we broke up in the mean time.

Should I send her those in the box because they are technically hers and she knows I bought them her...

What you think to that equation.... (Just send the personal stuff?)

[gaiden]

The problem with writing someone something, is that it can be taken totally out of context and 'read' in a different way then you intended.

 

From the posts you've read here I'm sure youve noticed the pattern that everytime someone takes the initiative to make contact to get closure or whatever it is they are seeking, they end up regretting it. Their words are twisted up and thrown back at them. Save yourself the trouble. Just mail / fedex, whatever, the box to her house, don't walk it there, and be done with it.

 

If there is anything that needs to be said, and you feel the need to write it up, write it up. Then keep it. Don't put it in that box.

[gaiden]

Regarding the things you bought but never gave, you make that call. You shouldn't keep anything around that you intended to give her because as pastor whatshisname said, even objects have spirits.

 

You don't what those items around reminding you of the whole thing. Either give them to her, or toss them. But I'm sure we both know what you will do

[pablovblack]

Either give them to her, or toss them. But I'm sure we both know what you will do

 

That really made me laugh man!!! Everyone on here wants the advice but we all know its just so hard to do the "right" thing.

 

Cheers for your advice, its appreciated....

[blindreepr]

regarding the things you bought her but never gave to her because of the breakup I think it's best that you don't give it to her. they will come off as gifts, gifts that she may very well interpret as trying to get her back. your best bet is to return them.

 

during my breakup 3 weeks ago I sent my ex flowers and chocolates on her birthday even though she just broke up with me. I wanted it to just be a nice gesture. I didnt even get a call thanking me that day. The next week I went without talking to her at all and she ended up making excuses to call me. Gifts after a breakup get you no where, they just empty the pocket book and make you look dumb at the same time.

[Holiday]

No to the note. She wanted NC. Respect that. Overnight it or send it securely without any BS comments. She will think you are trying to manipulate her if you send a note. Don't do it since she wants NC. She will respect you for respecting her boundaries. She set the rules. Obey.

[eleanorrigby1]

She may take the fact you giving her the gifts as you wanting her back. Are you ready for her to think that?

[Holiday]

No, don't send the gifts as this too will be seen as an attempt to persuade her. She will resent you for it.

[Holiday]

If there is anything that needs to be said, and you feel the need to write it up, write it up. Then keep it. Don't put it in that box.

 

You could even write it here if you so desire and if she ever follows up with you again down the road, you could tell her about it. (HIGHLY UNLIKELY and POSSIBLY VERY UNWISE). But it's retrospective evidence that you had her in your thoughts.

[Holiday]

Gifts after a breakup get you no where, they just empty the pocket book and make you look dumb at the same time.

 

My ex bought me the most gorgeous flowers ever after during our two year long break up right when it was obvious I was moving on, and it was the sweetest gesture and it did break my heart, and tought me that he was really sincere and wanted me in his life and truth be told, I considered it. But we had a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG break up and had processed the information over that time long enough to experience simultaneous sadness and relief with the decision to finally move on. Many people want additional justification or validation/evidence that they made the right decision and if they can twist around a deed of generosity to produce an example of how controlling and manipulative you are/were, they will. You could send the gifts to her parents and tell them to give them to her in two years and ask them to just keep this one act quiet for you.

[crvers]

Pablov,

 

Returning her things can be very therapeutic in itself. Just releasing yourself of the worries of "if" or "when" she'll call me for them can be a definite relief.

 

I'll let you know, when I was just starting to think rationally about the consequences of my relationship ending I did something very stupid. It took that stupid action to make me realize how much I was being a fool.

 

So, one day I took my ex her box of stuff. I rid myself of the constant reminder, but not to try and see her or send her a message. I did it so that I could really let go. Let go of the thought that maybe in a month or 2 I could call her and we could meet for coffee to talk. Maybe she would really miss me and want to see me and maybe just maybe she'd say she wanted me back. But those are just thoughts of hope, and the reality is she is gone. Handing those items off to her parents, wishing them the best and walking away was the best thing I did for myself. Because handing those items over meant that I was beginning to let go of the world I saw with her, and began to see the world that I am currently living in.

 

That day was my true first step forward to moving on. Ever since then, I have made it my priority to put myself first. My feelings first because in the end, I am the most important person in my world.

 

The point I am trying to make is: We can talk on this website. We can tell ourselves that we're better today. The words seem so easy to say, but the feelings of despair, not being wanted, abondment aren't so easy to forget. Until you truly make that decisive action, that decisive decision to move on, you will continue to tell yourself that your moving on but in actuality still standing still.

 

I believe you are moving along, but still not moving forward. And thats fine, its took me 3 months before it truly hit me that she was gone. But once that happened, the last 2 months are surpisingly better. I look back to the beginning and wondered how I have come so far. How those feelings, though not forgotten, are now managed. You'll definitely get there. Return her stuff, but not directly to her. I don't think you are ready for that. Return it to her parents, a friend, anyone that has contact with her. Don't ask about her or tell them to pass along a message. Just say that this is her things and you'd appreciate if they could pass it along. And a letter should not be included, because handing those things off should say enough to her. That your finally making a choice, and that choice is for you.

[Belle]

pavlov,

 

Once you get rid of that box, you'll feel relieved in a way. No note, seriously. An ex of mine returned my stuff without a note and it was one of the worst days of the breakup. It was finality. At least he didn't try to string me along though.

 

My current ex still hasn't returned my stuff although I gave him his back a week and a half ago. I'm worried that he'll try to use that as an excuse to see me one last time before he goes. I don't want my stuff back, but I can't tell him that.

 

Once you give it back, it may get worse before it gets better. But you'll be in a place of accepting reality. And in the long run it's a lot better place.

[gaiden]

pavlov,

Once you give it back, it may get worse before it gets better. But you'll be in a place of accepting reality. And in the long run it's a lot better place.

 

Exactly right. The things that you have of hers now is most likely the last reason if any to contact this person and by sending them off, you are officially taking that excuse away. I realized that by having my ex's sister come over to grab my ex's things, when she left, so did any reason for me to contact my ex. It was hard. Very hard. When her sister left, I couldn't bear to be in the house anymore. I spent the next 10 hours with my family.

 

That was a week ago, and let me tell you, I don't regret it one bit. The fact that everything in this house now has nothing to do with my ex is a good feeling. The last thing you need during your healing process is to run into something that takes you back to a happy moment in your two's relationship. Like I said earlier, even objects carry spirit, and being an object of a previous love .... well that's just something you don't need around, much less under your bed like in your case.

[pablovblack]

Thank you Belle, Gaiden, Carolineq and Crvers... I appreciate yuour comments... I will sort this out this weekend....

[pablovblack]

Our song was Purple Rain, So im going to put some purple coloured water in a bottle like this one..........

link removed

and put that in the box of her left over items....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only Joking, But you dont know how much I would like to do that, using a symbol instead of words...

"I never meant to cause you any sorrow"

"I never meant to cause you any pain"

And all that.................... ha ha

[gaiden]

You, are a dingbat.

[pablovblack]

You, are a dingbat.

 

This is correct but only since me and my ex broke up, Honest !!!!!

[crvers]

PAv Pav Pav.....at this moment I am shaking my head at you. You really need to stop thinking about things to make her think of you. Even though your joking, your not.

[justme1]

You need to be civil and mature. Not including a note is sort of dumb.

 

When you are ready, just send the stuff back when you are comfortable writing a note that simply says " Here are some of your things that belong to you. Hope you are well. Kindest regards, blah"

 

If you haven't been killed and are still alive, there's no reason to be upset. (Unless you survived being run over by the ex or poisoned but lived )

 

People are people...take the high road no matter what and move the heck on!