I don't get it

[sasky101]

So the story is...I met this guy, we totally hit it off and have been talking and hanging out ever since. We both work crazy hours though, and this last weekend we didn't see eachother or talk much. The thing is, we always always always send eachother emails to say have a good day etc etc. In fact, on thursday he sent me a major one and he was acting so into us, wanting me to find out next weeks schedule so we can plan times to hang out etc. Being very flirtatious. He was so into us...like we talked every spare chance we got. He worked nights all weekend and I didn't hear from him at all after thursday. So i just thought that he must have had a busy weekend and sent him a text message saying have a good day etc etc and he replied with "ok thanks" If this had been last week he would have said you too or miss talking to you etc etc. By this time I know somethings up...but here's the thing I still don't know what it is. We talked and he's acting all friendly....but thats it. I told him my schedule and he said "well thats good you have some days off" but not a thing about hanging out or anything. So I asked what was up and he said nothing. But I know its not true. A girl can take a hint. The vibe is completely different. He has quick one word answers and is being very distant. it kills me not to know why. Even one of our mutual friends thinks someone must have said something or done something because of how quickly he went from a to b. I'm so lost right now. Do I just leave him alone? Its such a slap in the face...I wanna ask him, but I don't wanna pry.

Any advice would be appreciated and sorry so long...I'm just frustrated and hurt

[annie24]

hm. strange. how old are you two?

 

maybe he realized that he got too "relationshippy" in that e-mail he sent you, and he felt too vulnerable, now he is trying to make up for it by backing off.

 

I think you should back off a little too now. let him make the next move.

[sasky101]

He's 20 and I'm 18

[annie24]

yeah, just leave him alone. he knows the days you are free, if he wants to find you, he will.

 

he might just be immature or not ready for a serious relationship.

 

don't get too hung up on him. it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.

[Scout]

I would sit back a few days and see if he resumes his previous type of contact. If he doesn't, it might be worth it to give him a phone call and just ask him if he has decided not to pursue things at this time. You don't have to make this confrontational, and you can preface your question with the statement you will respect wherever he's coming from, but you'd just like to know where things stand.

 

I say make a phone call, because I feel text messaging or emailing about this kind of thing is very impersonal and is effectively replacing real communication. Even if he has changed his mind - and definitely, the "vibe" has certainly changed for some reason - you will be better off knowing for sure, rather than left wondering. I really hate the "fade out" some people employ when they change their mind about pursuing a relationship, especially if they have made a point previously to be really gung ho. And I don't think people should be allowed to just get away with that! It's not fair, and it's for their own good (and anyone else who subsequently dates them) to learn how to communicate honestly about where they're coming from.

[AwdreeHpburn]

hmmmm....weird. So you asked him what was up and he said, "nothing" ??

 

i guess i'm with the majority here then and say, let him be the next contact initater.

[annie24]

i do agree with scout, if you don't hear anything for a while, then call him up and ask. just so he knows that the "fade out" is not the right way to end a relationship, and so you have your closure.

[sasky101]

He just contacted me...he called but I was out, so he left a message saying sorry if he was being grumpy, just stuff is bothering him lately but I didn't do anything at all.

[Scout]

Ok, well that's a positive. When you talk to him, just be gently non-confrontational, but also you deserve to know simply out of courtesy what is up with him. You can give him that opportunity to tell you, but if he doesn't and still continues with the inconsistent behavior, I would bail out on this one, if I were you. Although this could be a one-time occurrence, I would still view this guy with a bit more reserve. It's very early in a relationship to be pulling stuff like this.

[annie24]

grumpy and taking it out on you. that's cute.

 

well.. see what happens next.... we all have bad days/weekends. see if he starts acting a bit better towards you.

[sasky101]

he's training to be a police officer and saw some bad stuff this weekend..(I don't know if thats everything bothering him, but part) I called him back and we talked a bit and it was good.