Attention hungry ex-fiance update

[amazing_wierdo]

I lost my cool with her and mentioned that I was planning on selling the rings and possibly start dating (I know the dating thing was wrong to say, I'm not going to date for a while regardless). She completely broke down. She told me angrily, "I bet you are going to go on a date and I'm going to go on a date and then we'll just end up back together." She said it in a way that implied she really did not want to get back together. She also said that I thought she was a s***. I never said anything implying this and I considered it odd.

 

The next day I said I was sorry about the rings and that I would hold onto them a little while longer. She said she didn't care because they were mine. I asked again why she could not be with me. She said that she was not completely in-love with me and that she needed to be free of any guilt or inhibitions. She said she would call me Sunday.

 

On Saturday night I left a message for her. I said please don't call me unless it is about scheduling time for our son, or something important. This is one of my boundaries with her now and I'm serious about it. She's been doing nothing but dragging me down this whole time.

 

At this point things are looking really down about us ever getting back together. I suspect that given what she said about the s*** comment and inhibitions comment, that she is getting (or at least planning) on getting involved sexually with people, mainly for the attention (she has severe attention issues). If she is doing this how can I POSSIBLY let her come back? It might sound a bit low but I can't be involved with her now, or EVER, if shes acting on this stuff.

 

We are going to see a relationship councilor Friday. I don't know if shes going to attempt lying to him, attempt to work on problems, or just use this as a way to complete the breakup and start the co-parent thing with our son.

 

What should I do?

[robowarrior]

You guys are doing a nice job in pouring acid into eachothers lives. Did she go into a relationship with you so you could make her life miserable, did you go with her so she could nag and complain and make your life miserable? Couples are supposed to make eachother happy, not making eachothers lives complete hell.

 

Small arguments can lead to BIG break ups, all the bikering ,fighting and * * * * *ing acts like poison into the relationship, what you two are constantly doing is putting hatred,darkness and misery into eachothers lives.

 

What you SHOULD do is to realise that the meaning of life is to love and help others, and that nothing in this universe can make you happy exept that.

 

Going from there you should ONLY put love and light into the lives of other people on a continues basis.

 

Here is how your relationship works.

 

She yells at you , you give another spin to that wheel of hatred by yelling back at her, then she yells again at you etc etc and you end up in a endless cycle of hatred and misery.

 

What you SHOULD do is refuse to give another spin to that wheel of hatred, and ONLY respons with UNCONDITIONAL love. What you should do is grab a cup of coffee and read this story link removed as it relates to the situation you have at hand.

[amazing_wierdo]

I don't think you quite understand. She has broken up with me a month ago and has been stringing me along.

 

 

 

She told me that on Father's day we would get back together and work on all our problems. Father's day rolls around and she lied about where she was for 3 hours. I ignored it at the moment and fixed her car (it had overheating problems). She said she was not ready for a commitment but maybe in a few days. She did not even get me a Father's day present. I responded with unconditional love even through this. The incident I mentioned earlier only happened once. I have been good about this so far except for losing my cool and saying those things.

 

I am not trying to make her life more miserable or bad. I understand that it was wrong of me to lose my cool and say those things, but for the past month she has been lying, hurting, and giving a lot of false hope. She is almost demanding that we talk every day, which is why I asked her to respect my boundaries about it. Talking to her so much is just bringing me down and there is not much I can do about the situation.

[annie24]

I asked again why she could not be with me. She said that she was not completely in-love with me and that she needed to be free of any guilt or inhibitions.

 

this sentence really stuck out to me. it sounds like her decision is pretty final, I'm not sure that going to a relationship counselor will change her mind.

 

if she wants to be "free of guilt or inhibitions", it sounds to me like she doesn't want to settle down any time soon. it sounds like she wants to go night clubbing, meet new guys, flirt, and stay out all night with her girlfriends. It doesn't sound like she is the right match for you, who is looking to have a serious relationship.

 

I'm not sure what good going to a counselor will do. I think that once you're ready to settle down, you are ready. It's not anything that you can be "talked" into.

 

maybe it's just best to call the whole thing off, and go your separate ways and do No Contact.

 

good luck

 

(edit: I see that you two have a child together. then best to limit contact to only that strictly about the child. no more relationship talk.)

[saltwatergirl]

You guys are doing a nice job in pouring acid into eachothers lives. Did she go into a relationship with you so you could make her life miserable, did you go with her so she could nag and complain and make your life miserable? Couples are supposed to make eachother happy, not making eachothers lives complete hell.

 

I dont know why, but that's the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Im gonna copy and paste it as I can relate to this!