My friend asked me if I was gay last night..

[KIDD]

LOL, so much stuff is going on in my life right now that it's confusing me!Yesterday started out to be a normal average day & I went out with a group of friends. We all went to a mall & we sat at the food court where we always have discussions. It seems like everytime, the subject of homosexuality will come up. One of my friends who's a girl, brought the subject up of seeing an old high school friend we all knew from school. She went on to say how our friend came out to her & said that she was now gay! All of my friends made a big deal out of it & they just carried on for like forever. I sat there quietly & I made a statement saying that why should homosexuality be such a big deal? If she is gay now so be it, it doesn't change the fact that she's still a decent human being. As soon as I said that,everybody got quiet & the girl who who brought the subject up gave me this weird look. The subject quickly changed & it was forgotten.

 

Later that night I gotta call from the same girl who brought the subject up.We talked for a very long time & it was strange because we're never on the phone for such a long period of time. Eventually she brought the subject of me seeing anybody right now at the moment. I quickly said that I was happy being single at the moment & that there really wouldn't be any time for any relationships right now due to the fact of me working & starting college in the fall. She went on to say that you don't have to be in a serious relationship right now but you can just mess around, which I thought was something ignorant to say. I told her that's not how I roll & I'm looking for someone with substance.

 

Shortly after that the subject of homosexuality came up again & she went on to say that so many people are turning gay today, it's almost like a trend. I told her that for some people it is & for others it really isn't.She went into a usual speech about it not being normal & basically those type of people are mentally ill & such. That aggravated me by what she said & I was like well everybody is different & that's what makes the world so unique. I went on to say that not everybody can be the same, not everyone can be straight.She was like true but she really think it's choice! Then she was like, you're not gay are you? It shocked me when she asked me & I told her no.I didn't have the guts to tell her yes & I wish I told her the truth just to see her response. She was like oh ok. She was like none of my friends are turning gay, if any of my friends change on me, we're going to fix that. I laughed & I was like how exactly would you fix a gay person? She said easy, I'll just set them on a date with the opposite sex & they'll realise what they're missing! LMAO, I really gotta kick out of that response I was like if only it were that simple & she was like it really is that simple!

 

For the rest of the night, she kept making gay references to things & it was annoying. We were watching tv shows & everything was basically, that's so gay or whatever? She asked me if I watch any lifetime shows. I was like no not really, she was like you should start watching them. She was like there are so many good shows on there. She went on to say that she really doesn't know any straight males that watch lifetime. I was like yeah me either lol. Then at another time out of no where, she asked me if I know that they have a playgirl for women. I was basically like I was aware of that. She said she would love to get her hands on one just to look at the men. I think she was trying to get a response out of me basically but it didn't work at all!

 

She confuses me! I think she has a very big clue that I am gay but I'm really not sure how she'd react if I told her I was.What makes it so funny is that I think she's a lesbian because she has this tomboyish way about her sometimes but I know that's not a good sign that she's a lesbian.She gave me mixed signals last night & I'm pretty sure she was trying to make me come out of the closet. She said that she would fix her friends if they came out, what kind of crap is that? Was she serious & does she really believe that going out on a date with the opposite sex would fix matters LOL! Anyway I'm not phased by it but I'm a little puzzled about where exactly is she coming from....

[lil_kaila]

Yep, she's definitely on to you! She's trying to pull it out of you! She seems quite blunt though... because if you suspect one of your friends is gay why would you make all these stupid comments (ill, not normal, fix them etc.)????? Unless she's really ignorant of course...

 

Maybe you should toss the ball around and start maing lesbian references?!?!? Be like: Did you know a lot of lesbian read the playboy? And: Do you watch DIY shows? I don't know a lot of straight women who watch DIY-shows. Okay, this is probably not good advice at all but it's funny!

 

How many of your friends DO know you're gay? Do any of these friends she hangs out with know? I don't know how the other friends feel about homosexuality (apart from the fact they made a big deal out of the other person turning lesbian) but I think they all kinda suspect you are anyways so maybe you could come out to them?!?!?! From what you told us this girl seems uncomfortable with it, and somehow she's also really interested in it. Myabe she's not gay herself but she does seem fascinated by the whole gay thing! Even though she says she's not okay with it I think she will accept you for who you are!

[brando]

Kidd,

 

I dont know how old this girl is but she isnt even sure of what she is talking about.

 

she went on to say that so many people are turning gay

 

People don't wake up one mornig and decide to turn gay. Either they finally decide to stop prentending to be what they are not, or their is experimentation(bi-sexuality) but they don't turn gay, unless she meant they turn out to be gay. Then that is different.

 

THis other part about fixing her friends.. i know two gay males, and i know both of them were with at least one women in their late teens, trying to fufill societies role of what a man is.

 

I can not imagine what you are going through... i don't think i would have appreciated this girls nagging, and her lame attempts of trying to get you to open up.

 

I think you will know when to tell others...it is only up to you to decide that.

[KIDD]

How many of your friends DO know you're gay? Do any of these friends she hangs out with know? I don't know how the other friends feel about homosexuality (apart from the fact they made a big deal out of the other person turning lesbian) but I think they all kinda suspect you are anyways so maybe you could come out to them?!?!?! From what you told us this girl seems uncomfortable with it, and somehow she's also really interested in it. Myabe she's not gay herself but she does seem fascinated by the whole gay thing! Even though she says she's not okay with it I think she will accept you for who you are!

 

They don't really know about me being gay, well at least 100% anyway. I know a couple of months ago, this same group invited themselves over to my house to watch straight pornos & they all had dates. The same girl tried to put me on the spot & asked me to call my girlfriend up but I came up with a very quick lie! They were planning a stupid sex party which was dropped THANK GOD! I thought the whole thing was very ridiculous & stupid. I'm glad they came to their senses eventually & realised that. I thought the whole thing was a set up from the get go.

 

I also got the sense that she was uncomfortable yet interested in homosexuality. I think she's rather confused herself which makes it funny.The thing is she really sent me mixed signals last night, she kept contradicting herself in alot of ways. One minute she was talking about how wrong she thought it was & the next minute it seems like she was trying to get me to open up to her which I don't know if I should do it or not. Mainly because of what she said about changing her friends who would TURN gay lol.

 

I dont know how old this girl is but she isnt even sure of what she is talking about.

 

She's 19, the same age as me but she really had no clue about what she was talking about! She has this concept that people make themselves gay & I just listened to her talk. It was very annoying how she said that she think it's a choice. So many people are so uneducated when it comes to this subject, that they end up making themselves look stupid when they talk about something they have no clue about.

 

I'm tempted to tell her the truth but I guess the time will truly come.I'm really in a transitional place right now where things are changing daily. Seriously new friends are coming & the old friends are slowly fading. I actually found myself being completely bored hanging out with my old friends yesterday. They just seem so immature on certain levels.So I'm scared of people running away from me & leaving me alone, which is seriously my greatest fear but I guess it will be for the better.

 

I already came out to one friend months ago & she completely shut me out of her life! I mean she told me she still loved me & accepted me but seriously, the phone calls stopped & she always seem busy so I got the hint basically!

 

In a way, I'm really not phased by people anymore. I'm actually warming up to the fact that I'm different & I might be alone for the rest of my life.I rather be alone than be around people who won't love me for me. Then another part of me is scared to make changes, even if it's to come out to these so called friends & they shut me off. So you see, I'm still confused about my decisions & what's a good one to make. I really feel like I won't find people that will love me 100% unconditionally besides my parents who already knows about my sexuality...

[MollyElise]

High School is hard on everybody, I've always imagined it must be triple (at least) difficult for someone who is homosexual. I used to be so annoyed by the kids in school who were always saying "thats so gay" about stuff that wasn't even remotely homosexual, more as another word for stupid. Arggh.

 

I think you will know when the right time to come out is. You said you are going to college in the fall, depending on where you go I think you will find a whole world that allows gay people to live much more comfortably and openly. There will most likely be gay clubs or groups and stuff like that. Also, it won't be such a big deal "coming out" you won't have to tell everyone in the "world" (like you would at home, b/c everyone knows everyone) and can take your time.

 

I think you are going to find that these "friends" (for the most part) really are nothing more than time fillers, how can they be anything more, you haven't been able to be honest with them about a major part of who you are. You will not be alone your whole life, I promise you, you will find many friends in your life that will love you for you and embrace your sexuality. I can also tell you that once you find yourself involved in the gay community you will find many potential partners.

 

Make it through this summer, college is going to be a whole new world for you.

[brando]

Kidd,

 

Well i am glad to see you have a good head on your shoulders. You seem to have a more mature perspective on life compared to at least this one girl, based on what you described.

 

Good luck with everything... and continue to be yourself.

 

 

be well..

[moe42]

it almost sounds to me like she might have a little crush on you. one of my friends did this to my best friend david (he's gay, im not) and she also kept asking him if he and i were together. she knows that he's christian and kind of threw it in his face about christianity doesnt support gays and it really hurt him. she started out doing what your friend is doing but it got more mallicious. i finally spoke up in general about there being nothing wrong with it cause he couldnt (im the only one who knows for the moment) and she automatically assumes im a lesbian now. some people are just pig headed. well it turned out that she has the biggest crush on him and thats why she was prying so much so im thinkin its a possibility for you....just a thought

[Cadence308]

Yeah, I think she's onto you. I have friends that were similar to that before I even suspected that I was gay. I was still far back in the closet where the sun don't shint. People had been asking me for years if I was gay, including my parents.

 

The fact that she seems so intrigued by gay people is interesting. It almost sounds like she, herself may be questioning her own attractions and sexual interests. Usually, some of the most homophobic people are mostly afraid of their own feelings and tend to be gay or not completely straight.

 

If you don't feel comfortable or safe to come out, then don't. It might help you if you do have a friend or two who are gay friendly that you can trust and talk to about things.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about her comments. She sounds really ignorant and immature. Next time she's making comments like these and bringing up the whole homosexuality issue, I would just call her on it. I would say, "You know, you seem to be talking about homosexuality a lot lately. I'm wondering if you are suddenly becoming more attracted to chicks. Is there something that you want to share with us?" You can say it jokingly, but I bet it will help her to lay off of the comments.

[FoxLocke]

I don't think I would tell her. It sounds like she suspects; but, at this point, she is too ignorant...LOL.

It kind of reminds me of when I came out. The first thing one of my brothers did was take me out to eat at a HOOTERS restauraunt...

As if, after 20 some odd years, seeing waitresses in Daisey Dukes and Halter tops was going to magically change my orientation...

 

The hot wings were good though...

 

Eventually, if you two keep hanging out, you are going to have to tell her.

To me it seems like she is more afraid of what she doesn't know and understand. I think if you came out to her that would alter her perception....OR, show you whether or not she is a true friend.

 

But from what it seems like she is feeling you out...

 

The part about LIFETIME television was so funny. That is one of the perks of being gay. I can now watch Lifetime without questioning my sexuality...haha. There are some good shows on there too. I Love GOLDEN GIRLS! lol.

 

Good luck KIDD.

[fishrrshortae]

I Love GOLDEN GIRLS!

 

Me too.

 

anyways

it sounds like she isn't much of a friend anyways.. and what's all this stuff about a sex party?? yuck.. she's either immature or stupid and both are dangerous.

so here's what you do:

 

next time she asks about your orientation, explain to her that in general it's not something you discuss with others, but that if she doesn't shut up, she's going to "turn" you into a raging homosexual.

[Deviant_Kate]

one of my friends did this to my best friend david (he's gay, im not) and she also kept asking him if he and i were together. she knows that he's christian and kind of threw it in his face about christianity doesnt support gays and it really hurt him.

 

Maybe he should check out link removed

 

I'm not religious, but I've used it for papers for school (regarding reasons for homophobia, etc.), and I think it had some stuff about how the Bible didn't originally say anything about homosexuality being wrong - just that it was wrong for straight people to perform homosexual acts, and that homosexual prostitution and the molesting of boys by men is wrong.

[FoxLocke]

I hate when people throw religion in gay people's faces when we decide to come out. It's like, "Duh, don't you think we went over this a billion times?" Reconciling that faith with your sexuality is the hardest thing in the world.

I no longer believe in Christianity, but I am exploring my faith in who God is to me. I choose to believe that God is true love, and everyone has a purpose. He/she/it didn't make us to damn us.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack the thread...I just thought about what Kate's post said.

[KIDD]

Sigh, some people just annoy me sometimes about how ignorant they are to certain things. I mean I'm going to keep my sexuality a secret from her still but I will come out to her eventually. I'm at the point where I'm feeling more comfortable with myself & I can be able to break away from people who don't have good intentions for me.

 

OH YEAH!! How could I forget Golden Girls!! That's my show too. My favorite characters are Sophia & Blanche.. Anyway I've gotten off topic LOL.

[phantomwolff85]

When I was 16 I had this crush on one of my friends from high school. He said he was straight but he would always accuse me of being gay and make fun of me and most of the time I would either deny it or would ignore him. Once when he was driving me home from some school event he flat out asked me if I was gay and I said no. This contined through my senior year, but I learned to just not be offended by it.

I got his screename on AIM the first year I was in college. We did have a lot in common and I really didn't have that many people that I kept in touch with in high school. He really seemed to have changed and matured. He didn't make fun of me anymore. Finally I decided to come out to him and he was totally fine with it. I thought it was going to be an awful exeperience and it wasn't.

It's been my experience that gay jokes and teasing are a high school thing that most people grow out of once they leave that enviornment. In college you get to choose who you want to be out to and you don't have any baggage to carry around from your past. If you want to date, great, but if not don't feel pressured.

Anyway, I hope that my story helped you a little bit. I think things will only get better from here on out.

On a side note, I love the Golden Girls too. I've seen all the episodes since my mom and grandma used to watch it on lifetime when I was in high shool.

[Deviant_Kate]

I no longer believe in Christianity, but I am exploring my faith in who God is to me. I choose to believe that God is true love, and everyone has a purpose. He/she/it didn't make us to damn us.

 

Bravo! I love it when people have true faith in something, but I seriously hate Christianity because of how hypocritical and hateful it makes people. I have so much respect for everything you just said.