Is e-mailing a part of a relationship ?

[beautifulmess]

Before I started dating the guy I was seeing we were getting to know each other through e-mailing for two months. When we started seeing each other he told me he considered the e-mails to be part of our relationship and that he would be very upset if I was seeing someone else during this time ( which I was ). I never considered e-mailing a relationship. What does everyone else think ?

[Dako]

Did he tell you this and expect you to automatically agree?

A relationship is whatever you agree to make it.

It's the agreement that forms the core of it.

[thegirl_00]

Depends on what you guys were saying in the emails and if you made anything official in those emails. If not then I wouldn't concider that official.

[neva_black_n_white]

No. i email guys all the time (well guy friends....)

I guess it depends on the content of the emails and whether or not he got the wrong interpretation of things, you know?

Maybe he thought you were together from the word go.

 

Some people basically mean going out with when they say "seeing". Depends on the interpretation of the word, their own deffinition.

[beautifulmess]

No, he did not tell me this, he didn't say it until after we were seeing each other and even said that if I was seeing someone else during this time that he would probably break up with me. The e-mails were back and forth , just basically getting to know each other and talk of getting together.

[neva_black_n_white]

Not that there should be rules and guidelines... well when your together obviously, you dont see anyone else. But i think its hard for someone to say that they would break up with you when you didnt even know the specifics of what was going on.

 

at the end of the day, if you thought you were seeing him, and have now cut off ties with the other because your together now, then dont feel bad. its a misunderstanding.

 

BUT if you thought you were together (even the tiniest) then maybe it should have been sorted before.

[Meow18]

What were the emails like? Did he call you his girlfriend during that time?

 

If they were just simple emails that were just friendly, and you had no commitment to him, then there's no way you could have known he didn't approve.

[Dako]

He must think you can read his mind.

[neva_black_n_white]

I never realised people just jumped into relationships... had you know each other for ages before or something? maybe he thought it was a big step and presumed you were together.

 

But if youd only just met him dako is right... how did he expect you to know ..

[beautifulmess]

We are not together now. I am on day 8 of NC. I was just wondering if anyone else thought e-mailing was a part of the relationship. He is was extremely insecure and I never answered him because I didn't feel he had the right to even ask.

[RayKay]

Um, not before we have established something, no. If we had talked about it being a committed thing, then, yes.

 

Had you met him at this time? If not, I think it is very odd he would even expect you to commit to something before you even really know what you are committing to!

[FoxLocke]

It is only official and exclusive if both parties make it official and exclusive.

 

An e-mail relationship can be monogamous just so long as the both of you agree on that.

[neva_black_n_white]

thats probably the thing then. he was insecure. i could imagine it not helping an insecure person knowing that the person they liked was seeing someone else (not that thats a dig at you) but when people are insecure... they look for comfort in desirable answers. you know?

[Cadence308]

If you were unaware that the two of you were having an exclusive relationship, then you were not having a relatioship, regardless of what this guy thinks. I dated men in the past who expected me to read their minds when it came to relationships. One guy even told me that I was cheating for going out with another guy friend to a play. I wasn't even sure if we were together!

 

A relationship and the terms within it are agreed upon by both members of that relationship.

[beautifulmess]

We had met in person first and then we started e-mailing. The subject of whether we were seeing other people came up once, I considered myself still single and had no idea that he considered getting to know each other meant we weren't supposed to see other people.

[Daddy Bear]

sounds like a really cheesy way to ask a girl to go steady.

[need2bme]

I agree that if the emails did not contain anything specific about you guys being momogamous, then I would not worry about it. Besides, even when dating in person, I dated 2 girls in the beginning and then decided on one.

[Meow18]

We had met in person first and then we started e-mailing. The subject of whether we were seeing other people came up once, I considered myself still single and had no idea that he considered getting to know each other meant we weren't supposed to see other people.

 

 

I think you should tell him that next time he brings it up. Tell him that you considered yourself to be "single and looking" while emailing him at first. But that you never did anything but talk to other guys, and that obviously your boyfriend is the one who you wanted to be with.. and nothing more ever happened with those other guys.