best girlfriend ever but somethings...

[lovebites]

Hey all

 

I'm new, as im sure you can tell. I was looking through a few posts on the forum and found people had been very helpful to others. I didn't know where to post this message so hope it's in the right forum!

 

well, I think my girlfriend is amazing we have been going out 1year now, she is beautiful, has the hottest body ever, great personality, very outgoing/sociable, talented, hard working, romantic, affectionate, jealous (which i love!)....basically everything any guy could ever hope for in a girlfriend!!

 

...and thats were some of the problems start with me, to me she is the most beautiful girl ever...and she is tall and slim, very nice figure...but obviously other people arent blind!! So many times in conversation people have said to her that she could be a model! This includes friends and family. Now, i dont know about you but i think thats a huge compliment to pay someone!!! She says its just because shes really tall! ...now comes the crunch, when we go out, anywhere, guys are constantly checking her out, staring at her bum etc. Now it's REALLY nice that such a beautiful girl would ever choose to love me...but...these guys look at her like I'm not even there!! And it REALLY gets to me!!! SO many times I've wanted to just grab them and smack them...but of course i have resisted! And all i can think of is why do they get to check my girflfriend out more than i do, cause when you think about it im usually stood next to her so its not like a can stare at her bum!! ...you know the odd guy checking her out would be fair enough but its like...every guy.

 

She IS tall for a girl, like an inch shorter than me and im 5' 11". She wont wear heels cause she is so worried about her height. But she says she doesnt ever really see guys checking her out! And she says people look at her so much just cause she's tall!! Well, im not entirely convinced...ive seen the way guys look at her. The bizarre thing is, women always look at her too...but then she does have quite a taste for fashion!! So i put that down to women just being interested in clothes.

 

It really screws with my head when so many guys check her out like im not even standing there!! ...i almost dread going on holiday with her this year when shes on the beach in bikini and everyone will be able to see as much body as i get to see...and will check her out even more... ...i dont expect people to stop staring so i need to deal with it in my head!! Any advice???

 

I also feel like im not good-looking enough for my g/f...she always says im gorgeous, most gorgeous boy ever, beautiful, sexy, etc etc...but i dont feel like my body is good enough for her even though she often says its perfect!!! Since we started going out i bought some weights to work out but i dont do much at all. My arm and pecks are slightly more defined but nothing to boast about, she seems to like the development a lot though! But she says she doesnt want me to be really muscely and isnt bothered about a six pack...but i think if i did get a six pack she may be even more impressed... She has an amazing body and i just think mine is bland and nothing special, even though she says otherwise!! ...should i work out more to try and impress her even though she says she likes my body the way it is?? or how can i change my mind set so im as happy with it as she says she is??

 

This has been long so thank you for reading!! Looking forward to your help/comments/suggestions!

-lovebites

[thegirl_00]

Awee. Its obvious that you care about her a lot and i think its cute that you get jealous when other people look at her. I can see why she likes you, so I wouldn't fear my friend.

 

Those ppl can look at her ALL they want but its YOU she's with for obvious reasons. I'm sure you're very good looking yourself and you clearly have a heart of gold.

 

About people looking at her... there's really nothing you can do. My ex bf used to get mad when guys looked at me and he ended up becoming very controlling. She's beautiful, and she's yours. Let those boys with wandering eyes look at her from afar, but in their minds they know she's goin home with you.

[Cadence308]

Sounds like you have an inferiority complex related to your gf. If you have a gorgeous gf, people are going to stare...that's just the way it is. The thing you have to remember is that she chose to be with you and at the end of the day, she's going home with you and not all of these other guys.

 

If it would make you feel better about yourself, pick up those weights. Exercise does make people feel more confident about themselves and I think part of is that exercise just makes you feel good, in general. The other part of it is the physique changes and you know it and it feels good to be more physically attractive.

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

As long as she is true to you, loves you and her actions prove over and over again she is into you, then that is all that matters. You cannot control what others do. People check out other people all the time. It is natural to look at people that are beautiful and that catch our eye. Instead of stewing over the fact that other guys check her out, enjoy the gorgeous woman standing next to you.

[drum4god]

Dude,

 

Do you best to relax. I know its hard, but you don't need to impress her. The more you try to impress her, the more you send a message you are not good enough for her. Believe me. I have been there. It will eventually drive them away. That doesn't mean you don't try to improve yourself, but do it for you, not for her. As for other guys looking at her, try to look at it as a compliment. I kind of like when other guys check out my girl. Its just confirms to me how hot she is. Its all a mindset. Believe me, if you can change your mindset to believe she is lucky to have you, instead of the other way around. You won't feel insecure or jealous anymore. In fact she will love you more. Guaranteed.

[chigal28]

First off, let me say that you sound very happy with this girl, and that it sounds like you really love and admire her for many great reasons!!

 

Second, it's natural for people to "check out" or look at another person they find attractive. I guess I'd just advise you to take deep breaths and try to realize that it doesn't reflect on YOU. The only one who matters and needs to notice you is your girlfriend, and it sounds like she does, in a big way!! It sounds like she's very, very into you, for YOU and who you are, and that's awesome. It also sounds like she's got a great head on her shoulders, and isn't affected by all the attention she gets.

 

You've got a great thing going here, and I think the worst thing you could do would be to get angry at the attention she gets....these are strangers (right?) that the two of you will never see again, and you are the one spending time with her and taking her home. From what you've said, I think you have every reason to feel 100% secure in this relationship and her feelings for you. You don't have to deal with everything internally; make sure she knows how you feel without being confrontational about it--say it's something you've noticed and while you're not worried or upset, it DOES bother you from time to time. BUT, don't make a big deal out of it....because I don't think it's something that should affect the relationship, unless you let it....

[lovebites]

Ok... wow, thanks guys and gals!! didnt expect such a quick response, and so many!!

 

yes, theyre total strangers...and unfortunately she does know it bothers me massively...

 

i like this a lot: "if you can change your mindset to believe she is lucky to have you, instead of the other way around"

 

...and yeah...she isnt affected by all the attention which she gets...which is a really great way of looking at it!!!! and a really good trait of her personailty!!! not thought about that before. thanks.

 

....all the attention she has always got for being such a wonderful person has made her quite confident though...i really want to be more confident like that and less insecure!!!!

 

I would give anything for someone to teach me how to do this!!

 

Thanks for all your help, very much appreciated!!

[kellbell]

Although she knows it bothers you there is nothing she can do as far as people checking her out. As long as stays true to you that is all that matters.

[lovebites]

Yeah thats very true, I said unfortunately she knows it bother me in reply to 'drum4god' who said not a good idea to let her know so much.

 

Thank you ever so much 'girl_20' for your post...was really nice to read and your words helped a lot!!!

[JustNormal]

If you are an inch taller than her then you are short. Sorry for the bluntness, but if you have a beautiful model looking 5 foot 10 inch tall woman next to you- other men are going to ignore you. Do you know why? Because they can.

 

There is nothing that you can do about this. You have the scared chiwawa syndrome going on here. And since we live in a civilized society you needn't worry about being assualted and having your woman whisked away. But if we didn't, you would be meat and she would be elsewhere. Luckily that isn't the case, so just ignore it and grow a pair. Good luck!

[Momene]

First, remember she's with you through choice. Secondly, people will notice someone tall and then, if they're nice looking or different in some way, they'll attract even more attention. I still attract attention but not as much as when I was younger. My wife used to worry about it (not that she doesn't attract attention herself) but after 17 years together, it would take more than superficial attraction to persuade either of us to cheat.

 

Also, people who have a partner with them don't notice if they're being watched as much as the partner does. My daughter once was convinced that a schoolgirl little older than her was interested in me.

 

If you go to a place where you look different, such as me in the far east or South America, you will get looked at more.

[lovebites]

haha momene thats funny.

 

Ok, i think maybe some of you are a little unclear. But I am not scared at ALL that my girlfriend will be taken away from me, im not worried she will cheat on me or anything like that. I never have been worried about that!! I dont see other guys checking her out as competition either. She values me too much.

 

Secondly as far as me being short? I cant be 5' 11' then, im not good with measurments! Unless you are close to 7 foot i would not consider me short at all. So you can be blunt all you like but I'm not short, i've always been one of the tallest in my class, year, work etc. I'm just not a giant.

 

Anyway, almost literally over night I've dealt with the problem thanks to the replies here.

 

So thanks for your help.

-lovebites

 

P.S.

To be honest, telling me to 'grow a pair' is not what i would call 'help', and if you are concerned about the size or absense of other peoples testicals i would either consider you a doctor, homosexual, or have issues about the size and absense of your own.

[SickOfAnger]

It sounds like you are extremely insecure about yourself. Why not believe her when she tells you that you're attractive and she loves your body? Do you think she is lying about that?

You need to love yourself a bit more.

[Derek]

That reminds me of a time I was walking with a girl who happened to be well dressed and well put together that day. She was walking confidently and so was I. Everyone, both guys and girls were looking at her, alot. I think the girls liked how her outfit looked and the guys liked how she looked in the outfit. They might have had a short glance at me, but eyes were mostly on her. And I felt happy to be with her and that she was with me. It made me square my shoulders, walk taller, stand straighter and I thought it was great. It's nice to feel proud of your girl too and to tell her so. (Not like a trophy to be paraded though)

 

She is choosing to be with you everyday. Enjoy.

[lovebites]

Thanks, im really trying to change my outlook and my mind. I knew i needed to deal with it but didnt know how, i just needed to hear it from other people!

 

And Yeah, i have very low self esteem and am insecure about myself... But i am really trying, like i said feels like ive changed over night. I really want to feel more confident about myself...and i wouldnt have said this yesterday but I feel worth it, and i know id be even more attractive if i were!!! I never have had a problem getting girls...but i've spent more than half my life hating myself...

 

In my early teens, one day when i had a bad mood swing my mom said "i think we must have picked up the wrong child from the maternity ward" to my face....obviously implying someone else had their real child and i couldnt be theres because of such bad behaviour...(i am a christian with a christian upbringing) and that left a scar...

 

Thanks for everyones posts because they have all helped, cant tell you how much i appreciate this, my mind has been screwing up about this stuff for a long time and I really feel like ive just released it all and so much tension has gone!!

 

I think i will start a new topic in Peronsal Growth about self confidence, self esteem and insecurity etc!

 

I love my girlfriend too bits, shes the best thing ever, and whats great is she feels exactly the same way about me...now ive dealt with these issues I think i can enjoy our love and relationship even more!!

[Iceman26]

Hey man, I hear what you are saying. I hate it when guys do that, staring at your girlfriend as if she were a piece of meat, and pretending like you aren't there. However, its going to happen. There isn't too much that you can do about it. Most guys just aren't very respectful, even if you are out with your lady.

[lovebites]

Yeah, thats what always bugged me, that other guys have no respect. I dont 'look' at other women (ive got all i need!!) but if i did i wouldnt do it to someone who is already taken!! I guess thats what bothered me most...

 

Glad you understand anyway.

[Iceman26]

I dont 'look' at other women (ive got all i need!!) but if i did i wouldnt do it to someone who is already taken!! I guess thats what bothered me most...

 

 

I was the same way! If I saw a girl with a guy, I wouldn't stare at her. It's like whats gonna happen, she's going to leave the guy shes hanging out with and run over to me?

[lovebites]

hahahaha, yeah i know lol!

 

i guess thats why i dont need to care!