Behavioral Changes

[Jinx]

I'm not sure if this topic would fit perfectly in this category but closest I think to which it applies.

 

During my life since the beginning of adolescence I've had these random, for lack of a better term, phases where I'd become primarily restless and tend to be irritable but it would pass as soon as it showed up, and I always assumed with the timing of it, just to be another one of the PMS symptoms, but as of late it isn't going away.

 

Right now I am trying to complete my degree early by taking the intense Summer Sessions and before they've always been a fly by for me even though all the hours needed to be put into it. I could apply myself and get most of the course work on the schedule done way before the due dates. Right now, sad as it is, I'm struggling to get partial credit on assignments well past their due date in two courses. Very, very bad I know. So far in both courses I'm averaging, about oh say, a borderline D at very best. I did the Math today. I'm extremely disappointed in myself.

 

I can't afford to drop the courses and If I can't get my act together this entirely blows my chance of getting to my choice Grad school because of the GPA and general requirements.

 

Yet even though I realize all this I cannot apply myself to anything. I've taken up procrastinating until the last moment because I have about the concentration level of a fish and fall victim to boredom easily. Only at last minute when I insist I have to sit down and do something I can for hours without pause, but I have to talk myself into it.

 

An example is this post itself, I thought a couple times through it and during replies I've made to other posts earlier, that I'd get up and go find something else and come back later. Of course I already know, I'd never finish it if I didn't get it all done right now.

 

I've also had an increasingly shorter patience level with people. Where I used to take everything in stride and not let it bother me, if someone states something negative at me I'd find a deal more joy in just turning around and giving a livid explanation about the stupidity of whatever they've said or claimed.

 

Nonetheless, where this Apartment used to keep my entertained beyond belief and here and there between studies I would go out with friends if I had time, I just hate being here anymore. I almost feel claustraphobic in a whole apartment. I have to go out and do something, if I stay around for too long I'll drive myself up a wall with pacing and looking out the window watching people or whatever happens to be out there.

 

Secondly, I find it much more entertaining to travel somewhere, anywhere than be here. This is a metropolitan area, you'd think I'd be happy as a lark, everything you'd need to see or do is relatively speaking, here somewhere to be found. Yet I'd rather go out to somewhere in the boonies just to entertain myself with travel, that is my attitude, anywhere but here.

 

Then last, while the issue is about as non-feasible as they come, I've had this horrible urge just to find a girlfriend. It is almost like a mission my mind has set up rather than want to pursue. On the switch side, I find a woman who intrigues me and is obviously interested, and I brush it off and find I cannot find it in myself to commit in any shape or form such as suggesting a date, or if they offer, "If you're not busy..." I always will make myself busy whether I am or not.

 

When I'm out mingling, just keeping myself busy with all that I've mentioned above, I'm just as happy as a lark. For me, that is odd, very odd. Outside of doing that when I'm in the apartment or can actually get myself to study, I can't quite say I'm not happy, I'm just kind of so-so and spend most of the time thinking what I want to do instead of what I am doing. There isn't much time for me to sulk, and then again I have no urge to be morose. Just feel like I need to be somewhere doing something other than what I should be.

 

[Edit] Don't know how I forgot this tidbit but another bothersome point of this is, since the restlessness has become worst, I've also had nightly bouts of nightmares. Some are just mildly spooking, the kind you wake up at 2:00 in the morning look around to see all is well and fall back asleep, whereas others are extremely bothersome and can't go back to sleep for quite awhile due to the disturbing, yet utterly pointless far as I can tell, images. So all of this is affecting my sleep too, which probably isn't helping the problem either but all seem to be going hand it hand.

 

I'll probably end up seeing a Doctor or something over it, but I really don't know how much of this would actually qualify as a health problem, but just don't know what to do. I can't wander aimlessly whenever and to blow my education this far into the game would be suicidal, and logically I realize none of this I feel are feasible options but my logical side is not the overwhelming power at the moment, for whatever reason.

 

[Edited : For second to last paragraph]

[Tigris]

Jinx I think you should make an appointment to go and see a doctor straight away. For starters you sound like you're suffering from stress and anxiety due to the overload of work and the nightmares.

 

Please let me know how you get on.

 

Good luck and take care.

[nottoogreen]

Hi Jinx,

 

OK, you have a bit of a load, but you used to handle it without much sweat.

 

Have you had recent personal issues such as with your family, friends, lovers?

 

Could it be that there is a conflict between your logical self of high standard and the take-it-easy, have-fun++ mentality of your peers?

 

Could it be that you miss someone special in your life?

[Tigris]

How are you doing now Jinx?