venus777 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 well, i haven't posted on here in a while... after having so many messed up relationships, i thought i found the perfect guy... he is a beautiful person, i've seen the things his does for people, but now i have a broken heart... i met him on the 19th of may, he had sent me a smile from friendster about a month prior, and i met him at an event. he was going to leave the following week and we ended up hooking up rather quickly, i've seen him almost every day since then, partly because he introduced me to a girl that is living with him and we've become best of friends. perhaps this made him take it for granted that i'd be around and he doesn't have to make an effort to see me, i don't know. but he has introduced me to all his friends, family, given me numbers for people in puerto rico he knows so i can stay with them at the end of june... he has treated me with a lot of respect, so even though we hadn't made any commitments to each other i trusted that he would not hurt me... but the oddest thing happened. well, first of all, i got upset over some racial/cultural things he said and i told him i was upset, he apologized and said we'd talk later (he was busy). i wrote a long essay about the situation, blogged it, told him about it, but when i saw him yesterday i don't think he'd read it and he didn't mention anything about the conversation. he had a girl over, she was nice, she hadn't met anyone there before yesterday. actually, at first i didn't even know she was his guest because he wasn't even really conversating with her. i did. she told me she had a boyfriend in the dominican republic. well, i was sitting there talking to her when he called her from upstairs to go up. she told me. she went upstairs and didn't come down. i left the place without saying goodbye to him because he didn't come downstairs. her car was parked outside and she had a blue bag by the couch when i left... i went home, i texted him that i wanted to talk to him, that it was important. but he didn't call me at all. i woke up at 4:30 feeling sick and i couldn't sleep. i decided spontaneously to drive by the house and see if her car was outside, because i had to know if i was worrying about something real or if it was nothing. it was there. their curtains were open and her bag was still sitting there. she'd never come downstairs. i then texted him saying i couldn't sleep and that i knew he wasn't obligated to me but that it hurt for me to see what i saw (i.e. him having a girl come up to his room without saying goodbye to me at all) but i didn't say anything about the car of course. it's probably a bit weird for me to drive by that way but i had to know for sure... i talked to my friend in the morning, she saw the car still there as well. she wants me to still come by the house and to the event he is having on friday that i've been helping with. i feel hurt, sad, he hasn't called me at all. any suggestions on how to handle this? Link to comment
melrich Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Were the two of you in a relationship? Or just hanging out being friends? Link to comment
venus777 Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 being friends and being physically intimate... one night he said he wanted to build with me, the next day he said he didn't, he is a confused guy, really so different from the norm... he ended a four year relationship at the end of february and even some of the drama was dragged out til may, so i was planning on being patient with him, since he was being so inclusive of me in his life, that it seemed to me like he saw me as someone special... Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 If you two are just friends then what is the deal? Yes, he could have at least said bye to you, but if he didn't, I don't see how this is reason enough for you to be as upset as you are unless you have romantic feelings for him. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Just saw your latest post. If you were messing around with him without actually being "exclusive" then you have only yourself to blame for walking into this situation. Obviously he was messing around with this other girl and is interested in her. That's pretty much how it looks. It's pretty low of him to do that to you without at least talking about it first, but maybe in his eyes you guys are just friends with benefits and is taking advantage of that. Link to comment
melrich Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 being friends and being physically intimate... OK. Like Diggity said, first what he did was very rude regardless of whether you guys had some sort of commitment or not. It's hard to say on the other. Sounds like you have been making out with him but there has been no commitment? Whatever, I think you should forget this guy. He doesn't sound like he's going to bring you much happiness. Link to comment
Haven Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 If you two are just friends then what is the deal? Yes, he could have at least said bye to you, but if he didn't, I don't see how this is reason enough for you to be as upset as you are unless you have romantic feelings for him. If one of my guy friends did that to me, I would still be upset. A real friend would say goodbye regardless of whether there are romantic feelings or not. That being said, it doesn't seem like he's interested. Though I guess you could give him the benefit of the doubt and call him again and see what's going on? Link to comment
chai714 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 If he's trying to be a player, he's doing a poor job of it. A player is supposed to make each girl feel like they are special and never have two of them at the same place at the same time. If you're giving up the goods for free or early in the game, you're more likely to get burned. One, because of human nature - that which is given away freely without much effort is not appreciated. And, when you don't appreciate something then it holds no value for you. And when something holds no value for you, you tend to treat it as such - careless. This may or may not be the case with you, but be aware. He may not value you and thereforeeee hold no appreciation or feelings. Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Im guessing you would have never done something like that to him? And if you guys were intimate then he clearly knows that you like him and he would have known that what he did would hurt your feelings. You dont need someone who is cold enough to hurt you like that. You can do bette. Link to comment
venus777 Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 I do have romantic feelings for him and I think that he very well knows that, just the other night we slept together (only sleeping that night) and he held my hand as he fell asleep... He does sweet things and gives me small gifts and is thoughtful in that way, he is a very, very scattered person. some people don't like him, but those that do, love him... It's true that he isn't obligated to me, but to do that right in front of me when he knows how i feel about him is still hurtful... also, communicating that he wanted to be with other women is important, because if he said that to me i wouldn't have chosen to be with him... initially he was going to move out of the country and that was his reason for not taking things slowly, but then he had problems with his passport and some other things happened, so he's stayed around and I have spent tons of time with him... so, it really feels bad. I don't think I'm going to talk to him anymore. I can't be angry with him or hold anything against him because he didn't *technically* do anything wrong, but he still hurt me a great deal... Link to comment
thegirl_00 Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 It's true that he isn't obligated to me, but to do that right in front of me when he knows how i feel about him is still hurtful... also, communicating that he wanted to be with other women is important, because if he said that to me i wouldn't have chosen to be with him... initially he was going to move out of the country and that was his reason for not taking things slowly, but then he had problems with his passport and some other things happened, so he's stayed around and I have spent tons of time with him... so, it really feels bad. Tell him that so he doesn't make the same mistake again. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Hey Venus, I am sorry to hear this happened. Unfortunately, while it was classless, without a commitment this is a risk that occurs. It's easy after a string of bad relationships to think someone is perfect, but the truth is no one is, and that is why we need to take our time to find out whom they really are before we give too much of ourselves over to them. Hugs, RayKay Link to comment
venus777 Posted June 8, 2006 Author Share Posted June 8, 2006 yeah, it is a risk; to me he did seem perfect, sosososo different from all the other men i've dated; and i still believe he is an amazing, beautiful person. it doesn't take away the fact that he did that without any regard for my feelings, the truth is he doesn't even think at all. needless to say, the girl has a boyfriend as well, so the two of them make a perfect couple, doing things for pleasure that will hurt others without any second thought. i don't plan on telling him anything. if he calls me, i will tell him i don't want to talk about it, that i already know everything that i need to know. i'm not going to get emotional, cry or yell or anything. i'm not going to say a word about my feelings to him... the yucky part of all of it is that i was supposed to kick it with him in puerto rico and stay with his friends and now i don't know what to do because i have a plane ticket to puerto rico... probably i'll still stay with his friends and try to stay cool enough with him that he won't have a problem with it. it's incredibly expensive in puerto rico... $65 a night Minimum!! Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 A perfect guy for you wouldn't sleep with you one night then spend the next night with someone else. Move on. Link to comment
teacup Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 i would be callin' 'im whatcha know as ye ol' dirty scoundrel. be off with the ruffian! make haste! Link to comment
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