Am I not thoughful enough?

[babypink61]

Need everyone's opinion on this . . .

 

So my bf's bday was yesterday and I had gone up to visit him this past weekend in order to celebrate it with him (he lives an hour away). Well he ended up getting really sick so we stayed in the whole weekend while I took care of him, I gave him his present and bought him his favorite kind of cake. Had a nice, peaceful weekend together despite the fact that he was bedridden the whole weekend. We usually email each other during work so on his actual birthday yesterday, I emailed him first thing in the morning and wished him happy birthday. Well, that was that . . . So I was talking to him earlier today and he had mentioned that I had "scrwed up" cuz I didn't actually call him up to wish him a happy bday. He thought of that as being "careless" or "thoughless". So I immediately went on the defensive cuz I personally think I'm a very thoughtful person and it was not fair for him to say that I'm not just because of that. Besides that, I don't usually call friends up on the phone to wish them happy birthdays cuz I usually end up celebrating it with them in person anyways! It's just something that I don't have the habit of doing. I dunno, am I missing something here?? I know this might even sound silly . . . but it just bugs me that he would even think that . . . what do you guys think? Would you get upset at something like this?

[Slacker]

I think the only time you may have "scrwed up" was when you agreed to date this guy, i mean, he actually said that to you?

[xmrth]

I think he needs to act his age!

 

I understand people like to have their "special day," especially if they've either always had it be all perfect and all attention on them.

 

But just like a card, you sent him an E-mail, AND you already celebrated it with him. It's JUST his birthday. I'd seriously let him know he's got to grow up and that yeah, it's his day and all, but telling you that you screwed up? Oh, boo hoo to him...

 

It's not like you forgot, it's not like you didn't celebrate it already, and it's not like you didn't make sure you sent him something first thing!

If you want, and this is lying, maybe say "You know, I was GOING to call you TOO, and then I get this??" Personally, the little fib of saying that can't be worse than how he acted... You don't have to say that, but it's just a thought I guess.

[DN]

Would you have been hurt if he had not called you on your birthday?

[itsallgrand]

I can understand why you are upset. He completely ignored what you did; and focused on what he thought you should have done but didn't.

My bro has a saying "I could clean the entire house, but if I missed one speck on the wall, she'd (his ex) only notice the speck!"

 

Does he say stuff like this often? It would make me question whether there was a pattern going on: Is he a brat? Is he ungrateful outside of this incident?.

 

I won't try and make excuses for him, but it's possible he was just being a cranky-butt, feeling sorry for himself bc he was sick during his bd weekend. People are sometimes not as appreciative as we'd like - and that's okay sometimes.

 

I do think you were thoughtful. What you did was sweet.

 

tc

[babypink61]

DN: Honestly I don't think I would get mad if the situation was reversed. To me it would've made more sense if he had gotten mad at me for either forgetting his birthday or not taking any action at all. I think itsallgrand hit the nail on that one by saying that I'm more bothered by the fact that he's putting too much emphasis on that one thing I forgot to do instead of looking at all of the other things I had done for him. I know that calling him again would've been icing on the cake but I just didn't think of it at the time. He usually doesn't say stuff like this and is really grateful when I do little things for him, that's why I was really shocked when he told me this . . . maybe he is being really cranky cuz he's sick or something

[thegirl_00]

Yea, maybe something's just goin on in his life and he's "cranky", like you said. He obvsiouly shouldn't have gotten as mad about you not calling on his bday as he did, but if i were you I wouldn't get too upset about the fact that he called you on that.

I would say wait until something like this happeneds, IF it does happen again. Then you can decide if he's too judgmental of you.

[dzadze]

loooser, that guy needs to appricate the things you are doing for him, and not take it for granted...

 

the time, the energy, the thought, the effort that you put into it, is what matters ............

 

ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! and you did nothing wrong

[eyeswideopen]

If he's still sick he's probably just being a crank * * *. We all are sometimes and if he is usually appreciative as you say, cut him some slack. I woulnd't make a big deal about it. Now, if this turns into a pattern, bring it up.

[Dubzuk]

i think he needs to let it go to be honest, yeah ok maybe he would have preffered u to ring so that he could hear ur voice but, just because u only txted him, that dont make u thoughtless. at the end of the day, u could have done nothing but u did txt him.